Thanks for reading up on my post. It doesnt bother me who I meet or hang out with. Its the fact that I have no body at all to do that or even go out to clubs, nor no one to talk to. Besides theses days some clubs to get into you need to get in with a guy or another person (has to do with having to many people of the one and when around alchaol etc) there is a club near me however iv heard its really crap, and its alot of girls that go, and I suspect that the girls there are young and only to put out. I do have trouble with make "friends" with guys as they either just want to hit on me all the time and dont really understand that, im not about that. Iv always been pretty protective of myself and cautious as I know in the past I get let down alot or no one can be upfront with me. But alot would b because of my growing up, and then the extra hurt that im getting on top just makes it harder.
I used to be an athlete, state national level, nearly close to making the aus team for Barcelona a few years ago but just missed out by .1 of a sec. The year after tho when I finished yr12 I found it alot easyier to train and concertraint on my training more. I remember my coach whom I am close with had said to me that he ould see how much confidence I have gained not just in my training but just by talking to me and I had noticed it. That yr I had visited my mum for the 1st in 8 or 9 yrs and then I thought I couldvtry the same with my dad 1st in 10 yrs. My dads very protective very and theses days cant trust anyone. Things fell out of hand with my dad for something very small a silly reasion. And I had stated at the time im trying to move on with my life now I cant afford to be held back by all the past still etc. At the same time I had silly things going on between me and my house mates very small things that for some reasion got out of hand, this is when not noticing much but I was falling down. This got to the stage where I broke down one weekend at training and said I just cant do it my heads not in it I cant focus or do anything, then to not turning up because I felt thevrest of the pepole in the group doesnt deserve my behaviour and the rest that comes anlong with it. Then ended up days on end in bed not moving once loss of appetite and thats when my depresstion came, another inseident happend with the house mat similar thing again and I lost it, and moved out to a granny flat that my ex nan holds, with my illness was hard for me and my ex to deal with, which made me not any better, got to the stage where he couldnt just listen to what I whanted or needed and december last year it had gone on for so long I fliped out I fell back brained washed in depresstion having self harm that could lead to suiside points and at this point I was requesting to be put in a psyc ward to my psychiatrist and psychologist. The funny thing was, every one I saw and spoke to that day knew I was unwell, but wat shock me was the fact that my bf couldnt see at all.
I found someone to talk to on a chat messenger thing had seen them a few times and was lying to my bf about who I was seeing etc, I knew it was wrong or it wasnt right to do but I was sooo sick I just could stop. By bf found out said it was over but that was the last I had hear from him as my phone had been taken away. My bf had come to where I was and save me and we came home and sat down and spoke about things.
We both agreed on certain thing to do he took my phone n keys for abit till I got better, but I had found out that he hadent deleted facebook or social network as this was part of the agreement we decided and spendvmore time togethet. It was the fact that he was sooo determind and willing to do it, and he didnt he said he had let it slip his mind and didnt thini he had any reason to deleat it. And it upset me two months later he broke things off because he said he cared for me n wanted to support but didnt love me and what had happend in december was part of it or part the main reasion for all this happening. He knew I had fallen and opend up even tho it had taken awhile. Then I was crushed. Because I know he really cared and loved me and would be the only person iv meet whod treat me right then its gone its just gone just like that.
I still live in the granny flat, its been a month and a bit since we havent been together and. Its hard because I dont have any other friends at all to talk to or hang out with. Theres not much around here to do which is hard and I do plot around occasionally do something try walking but theres only a certain amount tha you can do to stay interestead and not get board from it.
Really sorry about the huge essay, I do go on. I felt that I havent given much for you to talk or tell me about your self.....