Until about half a year ago, I have been severely depressed for about 2 years. I'm doing much better now, well, sort of ;)
We were both a bit older when we first met (I was 47, she was 59). We met again 2 years later, we had been feeling a strong deep connection during the years we did not meet. My wife has a past filled with pain and hurt. She coped with it she said. She fully opened up to me, I was the love of her life. Until lots of bad luck pushed me in a deep dark hole. About 1.5 year ago, my wife started to withdraw. She tried to help me and ran out of clues. Anyway, I "came" back, and started to realize all the damage that was done.For my wife, all the beautiful we had was destroyed.
We had long deep talks, very open, crying, both wanting to make things work again. Talks became less and less. I felt more and more distance, distorted connection. I proposed marriage counseling. My wife agreed, as in, no promises, no expectations. Trying to communicate and take it step by step. We had developed a nasty pattern, me getting angry, her withdrawing. Both desperate. By following my intuition, I found us a great counselor, it felt like we needed a miracle and she might be able to help.
At first, things started to go a bit better. Until I got more and more concerned about long video chats my wife had with a male friend, each and every week, every Wednesday. I expressed my concerns. He was introduces to her by a very good friend of her. My concerns were ignored. I got more and more concerned and out of desperation looked at files on her laptop.
I confronted her, said she did indeed have fantasies about him (she denied that earlier and started crying saying "why don't you believe me").
Anyway, one of the things I found was that they did an astrological report, including a compatibility test. I exploded when I found out, told her she had gone too far. She later mentioned during a session that they did that report being created, it was just to "explore each other". Both me and my counselor were flabbergasted when she sold it like that. I got angry. Now she wants space, being left alone. I have taken all blame and responsibility. She says I make up stories, pulling things out of context. That I sabotage. That she truly loves me. And that she has been open and honest. I have been understanding. When I ask for understanding she starts defending and justifying. I am needy when I say that a "good night" or a hug would be nice. I don't understand her, why all this?