Hi everyone, this is my first post.
I'm feeling really lost at the moment. I’ve been with my husband since we were 18, I’m now 43. We have 3 kids.
he has been a functioning alcoholic for many of those years. Not a day goes by that he doesn’t drink.
we’ve argued about it for years, nothing changes.
last October, on one particular night after months of him becoming more angry & verbally abusive in front of the kids, I told him to leave
after a few days we talked & decided we needed to give it everything we’ve got before we end things. So he came back home agreed to go to couplescounselling.
I didn’t ask him to quit drinking outright, I think part of me was scared of the answer & the other part wanted to believe him when he said he could cut right back. The counsellor suggested setting up a agreement as to how much he drank.
the agreement was no beer before 3.30pm & max 6 per day.
I let him choose the amount. I thought it was still a lot he assured me it was much less than before.
I think he was having between 12-18 per day & more on weekends cause he’d start at like 11am.
He was good for about a week then went over maybe 2 or 3. I felt so let down when he was having more. He thought I was being ‘over the top & controlling’.
Over time it gradually got back to where it was. Then we’d fight, then he’d cut back again then the same cycle over & over….
The week days aren’t too bad, mainly because he is working more so getting home later but weekends are a right off. He’s drunk Fri night then starts early Saturday & Sunday. He makes sure he does some mowing or something to justify cracking a beer so early.
When I ask him to cut back he thinks I’m trying to control him. He thinks if he’s not yelling & carrying on there’s no problem with him being drunk.
He admits he is an alcoholic but doesn’t think he needs to do anything about it.
I think I’ve been living on hope for so long because when he’s sober he’s great & I do love that version of him but this other guy that comes out when he drinks is a complete a**hole.
I worry about the effect on my kids.
I feel like I’ve been riding this roller coaster for the past few years & I’m over it. I want peace.
i think deep down I know he won’t stop. No matter how much I ask, he won’t.
so I guess the question is do I walk away or stay…..
thanks for listening. I would love to hear your thoughts if you’ve been in a similar situation