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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Self worth and dating

Topic: Self worth and dating

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. Von is lost
    Von is lost avatar
    24 posts
    26 June 2021
    I’ve been on two dates now with this amazing guy that I met through a dating app. So far he has shown that he is the kind of person I would actually want a relationship with. I don’t have strong self-esteem/sense of self worth and these feelings of him being way out of my league are starting to creep in. He’s into surfing, is fit and active, great sense of style, so nice and funny, and I’m worried that he might lose interest soon because I feel like I’m not at the same level as him. Does anyone have any tips on boosting their confidence at this early stage of dating because I really really don’t want my insecurities being the cause of this possible relationship ending
  2. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    26 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost

    He's dating you for a reason....because he wants to.

    Surfing and fitness are his things, that's what he does for self enjoyment.

    Remind yourself that hes not looking for a Surfing mate or someone to spot him at the gym, he's looking for a partner....he can do those things on his own or with friends.

    He's probably thinking the same about you that he's not what you're after. Probably thinking this girls really down to earth, really sweet and someone I can relax with etc

    Try not to worry about his lifestyle, he's chosen to invest his free time with you.

    Enjoy the moment, there's no better feeling than new love.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. james1
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    james1 avatar
    2950 posts
    26 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost

    Hey Von is lost,

    It's wonderful to hear that you've met someone you really like!

    As Guest_7403 mentioned, he's probably thinking the same thing. The early stages of dating can be really scary because we all have insecurities and we sometimes worry about being found out. This is especially true if we already have self-esteem issues.

    But still, it can help to remember that he will also have insecurities. He likely seems amazing because he's shown you his best side, just as you've shown him your best side too. But there's more to him than surfing and being fit and funny. Perhaps if you can give yourself the chance to find out more on your dates, and see more of him, you'll think of yourselves as equals rather than him being on a higher level than you. Which is not to say that he's not amazing, but just that he's human like you and it sounds like he sees something in you that he really likes.

    James

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Von is lost
    Von is lost avatar
    24 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to james1

    Thanks for the replies!

    you are both right, I need to realise that he may be having the same insecurities. Although, over the last two days he hasn’t been replying to my messages as often as he did before and I’m starting to worry about that too. I’m trying not to be too full on and haven’t bugged him much but I can’t help but think he’s already pulling away

  5. Guest_7403
    Guest_7403 avatar
    387 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost

    He might be busy, or he might have other unrelated things on his mind that he hasn't shared with you.

    Ask yourself if you're having a rational or irrational thought whenever these feelings appear.

    Rule of thumb, unless they tell you they're not interested don't assume.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. shadow49
    shadow49 avatar
    8 posts
    27 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost
    Just be you
    1 person found this helpful
  7. james1
    Multicultural Correspondent
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    james1 avatar
    2950 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost

    Hey Von,

    Hopefully he's just been busy or otherwise has something else that he needs to do. Dating can be really tough - I went on three really good dates, and then suddenly something happened on her end and she ended it. It was quite confusing because we got along really well, but there wasn't much I could do.

    Whether or not a relationship comes of this, it's really great that you're putting yourself out there and even getting a second date which lots of people don't get to!

    James

  8. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
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    Sleepy21 avatar
    4161 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Von is lost

    hi von is lost,

    i think feeing like ur out of ur league so to speak is very sad

    i have a strong sense that you are very much in his league, and maybe even you are out of your league!
    being athletic and surfing is only one part of a perosn's personality, and sure, it sounds impressive and adventurous, but the loves of my life have neither surfed nor trekked accross mountains and were still very amazing... u bring a lot to the table i'm sure

    love urself as much as you can. i think these issues don't need to affect ur relationship at all - we all have imposter syndrome, and yet still do things that secretly we fear we aren't so good at. We don't always know our own worth. If he values you - he sees goodness in you. Maybe over time u will feel the same. thinking of you

  9. Sleepy21
    Valued Contributor
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    Sleepy21 avatar
    4161 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Sleepy21
    sorry maybe even u are out of his* league ie he's lucky to have you
  10. randomx
    randomx avatar
    2767 posts
    29 June 2021 in reply to Sleepy21

    Hi op.

    Hate thinking it but Aus seems to be catching so much Americanism in all this stuff which is really really not a smart direction for us to be heading believe me. And leagues is just yet another of their sad terms that seem to be creeping in over here these days.There's all kinds of worth and looks and what have you are only a tiny tiny shallow portion of it all.

    Buttttt, l can understand where your coming from non the less. l was divorced and the very first girl l'd met later on well in any serious way was basically my dream, which is a one in millions , l couldn't believe it. But l also had that kind of feeling with her in other ways to yours too but it comes to the same thing and so l basically cut it off right there and didn't let it go any further. She couldn't understand but from my point of view l just didn't want to get involved feeling as much as l loved so much about her , that we really still just weren't all that suited underneath.

    l wanted relaxed with no expectations , my life was far from perfect and l was far from that too . But she just seemed like everything was almost dream like on her side and as if l'd almost be trying to live up to hers even if only subconsciously. l just didn't want that kind of feeling or pressure on myself so l stopped seeing her . That was 5yrs ago now and l've met someone else since but l still remember that thing with her and still wonder and in ways kick myself for not giving it a chance. l might've been wrong, she might've been fine with the way my life was , l was , and stages l was at and the way l liked to live, but l never gave it the chance to find out.

    So at least you are giving it the chance . lt might work out it might not but if not at least you are giving it that chance . You'd regret more not giving it that chance even if it doesn't work bc at least you tried and were open to it. Try to just see how it goes and if it doesn't go anywhere then so be it but at least you gave it that chance.

    Good luck. rx

    1 person found this helpful

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