Good morning Mark
Yes, I have suffered through a situation similar to you many years ago. I do understand the overwhelming pain and confusion you are experiencing. The problem with us men is we rarely see these events coming, and this adds to the shock and bewilderment that sends us searching for solutions.
I’m not a professional counsellor of course, but all I can do is pass onto you the lessons I learnt.
1. Your wife has almost certainly being planning her exit for quite some time. Her grieving over the loss of her marriage is in the past, she has dealt with it. When a woman checks out of a marriage emotionally, they won’t return. I’m sorry.
2. Please stay with your professional psychological supports. It’s more important now than ever.
3. Don’t waste time and energy waiting for your wife to return. As she has admitting to deceiving you previously and is now chasing another married man, this should send you a clear message.
3. Focus on your children and yourself.
4. See an experienced family law expert and take their advice on the assumption that your marriage will formally end at some point.
5. I do empathise with your feelings about selling the family home. Please do NOT take any steps of this nature until you have cleared it with your family law solicitor.
6. I realise you probably still love your wife and if she asked to come back, you would say “yes” in a heartbeat.
However, everything you wrote tells me while this may lift your spirits in the short term, over the long term you may be in for more pain and disappointment, if you reunite.
Stay fit, exercise yourself to the point of exhaustion. Avoid booze and drugs. Try meditation and mingle with positive people. I wish you well. Get back to me if you need.