Can relate to you experiences. I spent 5 1/2 years with someone similar. She would use all my insecurities against me, compare me to exes, put down things I was excited/interested about/in . Prolonged silent treatment was common, that and the complete withholding of any form of affection/intimacy for extended periods.
I've had depression since I was 17 years old (I'm 29 now) and managed it well. I was in the process of weaning off AD medication and found myself struggling a bit during that time. Instead of being supportive, she gave me a serve about how dysfunctional I am, how I'm not resilient enough and how she needs someone stable to be with. Ironic right?
I remember once locking myself in the bathroom, she was enraged because she demanded sex and as a result of anti depressant medication I couldn't perform to her liking. It was horrific.
She was (and still is) incredibly abusive and controlling. They are dangerous people.
Not sure if you experienced this , but I broke up with her a bit of 3 months ago. I've had long letters deleted by her itemising every single nice thing she's ever done. Most recently I've had a letter delivered that blames my response to her behaviour for the failure of the relationship. They don't accept any responsibility for their actions.
Like you, I'm haunted by the abuse. I'm trying hard to move on but I am actually frightened of intimacy of any type as a result of that relationship so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place now.