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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Thoughts are overtaking me...

Topic: Thoughts are overtaking me...

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. BigGingerCat
    BigGingerCat avatar
    1 posts
    25 August 2014

    Hello to whoever reads this.

    Let me start by telling you about me... I have always been a strong person, witty and funny too. I have been married once already and am 2 1/2 years into my second marriage. I am 33 years old. Last year I questioned my sexuality because of something that happened to me at gymnastics when I was 12 by an older guy and until last year, it had remained a secret.My current wife is amazing - the most amazing person that I could have ever asked for, but... I have taken her for granted too often. Thought that our lives together revolved around me. What I wanted and not making her feel special enough.

    Tonight as I sit here and write, I am shaking, yes it's cold, but my emotion is overtaking me. My wife is overseas teaching and we have had little contact since April. I have been seeing a counsellor since April and I thought that I was at a point last week until yesterday.

    Facebook is an interesting beast. My wife has decided to 'hide' her relationship status from Facebook and last night I made a comment on one of her photos "Beautiful photo wifey x" - she has deleted it. I am a wreck. trembling. Left work early. Crying... a blubbering mess in fact. I want to crawl into a hole and die. 

    I love my wife soooooooo much. I don't want to breath without her. I don't want to be without her. I don't want to smother her. I am lost. I don't know what to do.

    I don't know what I want from posting this.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    16229 posts
    28 August 2014 in reply to BigGingerCat

    dear BGC, thanks for being able to consider talking to us.

    I can see a couple of issues here, and excuse me if I say something that might upset you, I certainly don't want to to be the case.

    You love your wife, but I wonder whether it was mutual, and I only ask this because she has taken a job overseas and has been away for about 4 months, as there is skype which can be used to talk to someone overseas, or perhaps a continual use of facebook.

    I'm just wondering what communication has been used over the past 4 months.

    The other issue is did you realise that your sexuality may have changed, and even so it doesn't stop you from loving your wife, but maybe she had noticed this and the reason why she went overseas, sorry.

    There are a few more issues associated with all of this, but I will wait until you reply back to us, and I hope that I haven't upset you. Geoff.

  3. AGrace
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    AGrace avatar
    1214 posts
    28 August 2014 in reply to geoff

    Hi BGC,

    This is a bit of a tricky one. With your wife overseas, what contact do you have other than facebook? I mean this is your wife we are talking about, so I'm gathering you speak on the phone regularly. Do you visit one another at all? What was her reason for going overseas in the first place? Did you guys have a long term plan for all of this?

    I'd hope that you would be able to pick up the phone and ask her about the anomalies on her facebook page. Have you spoken to her about it?

    Was the decision for her to leave mutual? I'm just wondering why you started seeing a counsellor as soon as she left?

    In term of sexuality, we are allowed to question this. I know I have in the past. You have a right to choose your sexual preferences, only that your marriage would warrant you being open and honest about this.

    I know you're hurting, and I can understand this reaction. I hope here you will feel supported, and free to seek advice or even just vent.

    Apologies if I have overwhelmed you with questions.


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