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Forums / Relationship and family issues / Watching the man I love fade away.

Topic: Watching the man I love fade away.

3 posts, 0 answered
  1. Jojosdrowning
    Jojosdrowning avatar
    1 posts
    19 May 2021

    Hi,

    I have been with my partner for 4yrs. The most caring supportive man I've ever meet and a love I never knew possible.

    Very amicable with our exs. We have a lot to do with them as we share 5 kids between us.

    This changed with his ex unexpectedly 3 months

    My partner still owed $ from their settlement which they had agreed payment over 10yrs. Its been 6 yrs and she started to demand the last lump sum. She said she made some misteaks with her money. We had to go to bank to borrow but said we'd get to her Asap. We borrowed $ of parents to give give a lump sum to get her through while waiting on bank.

    Then emails started. Demands and threats of getting dhs, police, cps and lawyers involvin. Then her taking a domestic violents AVO.

    She made change with child support to have 100% custody stating kids didn't want to see him.

    They just finished a 3month stay with us while she was in hospital. Everything went Great.

    Long story short she did put out an AVO. We were not contacted by any departments, and were so supprised by this all.

    We were working on the money, she knew that and we have no idea how and why its all lead to this.

    His now the most broken man I know. He can't see his children which is destroying him and the AVO is nothing but a false claim.

    We've had to fork out $ for legal advise who said its not worth fighting the AVO as long as he abides by it without admissions. It won't affect him legally.

    The kids call, missing him and wanting to c him. But no she has an AVO.

    His just beside himself. I worry so much for him. His such a strong, gentle, caring man and she's destroyed him and his relationship with his kids.He worries they have no idea whats going on.

    Due to AVO though he can't do or say anything!

    Im sorry for the long post, I needed to get this out. After investigating and speaking to people this kind of thing happens alot.

    It kills me to see people put others through this kind of thing and for what!? It happens to both women and men. And is a massive issue that plays on peoples mental health.

    What can I do? I feel so helpless. I'm watching the man I love slowly dying inside for lies, manipulation and money. Thats what it seems like.

    His ex has affected so many others within the family because it's not just about her and her issues with him all of a sudden. It affects so many more.

    We trying to see physiologist but so far there's months waiting lists and legal fees continue to climb.

    Open to any advice or suggestions!

    Thanks for reading.

  2. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10347 posts
    19 May 2021 in reply to Jojosdrowning

    Dear Jojosdrowning~

    I am very sorry to hear of your predicament, which looks an absolute nightmare. It is truly amazing how much trouble a toxic personality can cause and how difficult it is to try to set things to rights.

    I can't talk about the legal complexities of AVOs, its a specialist and normally expensive matter, with an enormous number granted on a temporary basis thought Australia. What you decide to be will based in part on legal advice, and in part on money.

    My own first step might be through the Community Legal Centers if there is one in your area for free unbiased background.

    https://clcs.org.au/findlegalhelp

    I guess what I can say that you both need to be in the best shape possible to deal with this calamity, him due to grief and loss of contact with his children, you with a feelings of great frustration and grief to see the person you love so hurt, and the both of you faced wiht financial woes and great concern over the effect all this is having on the children.

    Can I suggest you both need support at the moment. it is a bigger situation than you can expect to deal with by yourselves. To see a psychologist is a good idea, waiting any length of time is not. Would it be possible for you see if there is a faster way using another practitioner via telehealth? This opens up many more opportunities to gain an appointment quickly.

    In your own case it might be worth talking to

    https://griefline.org.au/
    and
    our own Beyond Blue 24/7 Help Line
    1300 22 4636

    who may be able to suggest some support mechanisms you can try to assist your partner as well as support for yourself

    Your partner may gain from talking to our Help Line too - as well as

    https://mensline.org.au

    I emphasize these are not legal resources, they are there to try and assist people to cope better with the adversities that life can deal out to you.

    Apart from that the things you might expect, trying to lead as healthy a lifestyle as you can, with exercise, nutrition, as good a sleep as you can manage and distraction by other interests as well as personal support from family or freinds.

    Trying to lead as full a life as possible (even if neither of you feel like it)

    You may well think I'm missing the point, however the above would be a good basis to gain ideas try to cope with this horrible time as best you can

    Please do come back any time

    Croix

    1 person found this helpful
  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    geoff avatar
    15269 posts
    20 May 2021 in reply to Jojosdrowning

    Hello Jojosdrowning, a warm welcome to the site and so sorry you and your partner have been caught up in an unfortunate position.

    Whether or not his ex has made bad decisions regarding her money should have no consequence for your partner and if the agreed payment was meant to be over 10 years, and now it's only 6 years, then the demand for the last lump sum shouldn't have any effect, but if it was said by word and mouth to each other may make the situation difficult, however, an arrangement should be made, such as, if the final lump sum is to be paid off, then she has to remove the AVO and not issue another one.

    He can contest this AVO, if the court is not satisfied then it requires the Court to be satisfied that an interim AVO is not “necessary or appropriate in the circumstances”.

    Her emails may only be bluff and would need time and money to fulfil, but would need him to do his research with statements from the kids, although legally they may not be sufficient, but would carry some weight.

    The mental health plan entitles you to have 10 Medicare paid sessions per year, although you might be able to obtain more sessions, the doctor will be able to tell you.

    Please let us know how you feel.

    Geoff.

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