Dear Luttes,
I'd like to encourage you to think of you for a while, consider all of the good things you still have and try to work on improving what ever you can with you.
I have realised that I can not change anyone else, all I can do is to improve myself, and then the people around me may see a difference in me and relate to me differently.
From experience, I know it is really hard to not let the hurt in, but somehow you need to reduce the amount of power and strength you give to your wife's behaviour.
Like I mentioned, start working on you. You mentioned returning to work, give it a go. Yes, it may be difficult for you as Geoff has mentioned, you may have some real struggles, but if you are able to stick it out your self esteem will grow.
If work becomes too much, don't think of it as a defeat, try to consider ways you can make it easier. Maybe before you return home, you could go for a walk to clear your head. Look around you and try to see the nice things in the world.
If you and your wife are having an argument, tell her you don't want to do that anymore and walk away. Tell her you would like to chat, but when you are both at peace with yourselves.
Build up your own sense of self. Do something that gives you enjoyment. Join a club or group yourself. Find other support so you are not just relying on your wife.
I'm not suggesting at all that you block your wife out, on the contrary ask her how her day has been, ask her what is happening in her Buddhist classes, ask her out for a coffee, or to the movies. Suggest a family day at a park with the boys. I am not sure how old they are, so something age related would be a good idea. Try and plan some event where you can all have some fun together and bring a bit of laughter back into your life.
Search the internet for self esteem ideas, look in your area for clubs you could join, improve your health in all ways, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually if you are that way inclined.
Decide that today is the day you are going to make positive changes.
Wishing you all the best with your new life that can start today. You have the power and the strength with in you to take a little step each day to change you!
Enjoy the journey. Cheers for now, From Mrs. Dools