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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / i'm bisexual(?) but I have homophobic parents

Topic: i'm bisexual(?) but I have homophobic parents

7 posts, 0 answered
  1. ☕☁ bella
    ☕☁ bella avatar
    2 posts
    23 August 2021

    I'm new but here it goes,

    Late last year I started questioning my sexuality, I didn't think much of it and ignored it. Then this year when entering a new school year,( I started a catholic all-girls high school and I'm turning 15 next year) I would look at the girls and think they are attractive the same way boys are. It was the usual wanting to kiss a girl, hold their hand and be in a relationship with them. But the problem was I also found boys attractive still. So I did some quick research to make myself sure and came across the term, Bisexual. I started addressing myself like that, and soon enough I developed some type of crush? With a girl in my school, the sad bit is I've only seen her, not met her. My parents soon enough found out near the end of pride month and gave me a talk on how it's a sin and how I'm not Old "bella" anymore or how they could easily kick me out. They treat me quite different now and always check up on me so I'm not watching anything that contains LGBTQ, they say how I'm young and know nothing about the world and how I'm being stupid. I have friends that support me but no one to talk to at school properly since it's catholic. I'm not sure what to do or feel, most of the time I lie and say I'm still straight but can't help the fact that I find both girls and boys attractive. Could someone offer some advice?

  2. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3213 posts
    23 August 2021 in reply to ☕☁ bella

    Hi Bella.

    Welcome to the BB forums! I'm sure others will come by to give you some support.

    It's very normal for teenage girls to have a crush on another girl or girls as well as boys! It's all part of being a teenager! Teenagers develop crushes on teachers too!

    Your body and mind are going through big hormonal changes. You're developing a curiosity about your body and sexuality.

    I think you need to just relax and enjoy it all. Your sexual orientation will sort itself out one way or another eventually. Meanwhile try not to worry about it!

    Is there a school counsellor or teacher you could talk to about the feelings you are dealing with? They also might help you find a way to talk with your parents.

    It sounds completely normal to me to go through a stage of having a crush on another girl and still finding boys interesting! Relax!

    I do think you might get some advice about how to talk about it with your parents. Perhaps they don't understand this is a pretty normal part of growing up.

    You will be fine! 🙂

  3. geoff
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    geoff avatar
    15291 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to ☕☁ bella

    Hello Bella, and a warm welcome to the site.

    I agree with Hanna and it's not your parents who can decide what sexuality you want to be, it's entirely up to you and the chances are, that your mind with change every now and then, there will always be questions you keep asking yourself, maybe doubting how you should feel, time and experience will tell you, so try not to worry.

    If kids have parents who dominate in especially these areas, it only makes them go against what they tell them they should be.

    You can't be forced into believing what your parents want, the decision has to be yours and if you want to be bisexual, then isn't this much better than having no daughter at all, absolutely.

    Don't force yourself to be someone you're expected to be, let nature decide and don't feel under any pressure.

    Best wishes.

    Geoff.

  4. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3213 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to Hanna3

    Hi bella

    I don't think it's helpful to give yourself a label such as bisexual or straight or anything at the moment.

    It sounds to me as if you are going through a normal teenage phase. You might change later and find you do prefer boys. Having crushes on girls is a normal thing at your age.

    It's all just part of growing up. Being a teenager can be a tricky time. Try not to worry about yourself.

    I would encourage you to speak to an adult you trust such as a school counsellor or even someone at your church who might be understanding.

    Again it all sounds pretty normal to me!

  5. ☕☁ bella
    ☕☁ bella avatar
    2 posts
    24 August 2021

    Hanna3 and Geoff

    Thanks for the advice this makes me feel better, I'm sure once I'm a bit older I'll be sure of my sexuality but meanwhile you said I'll just enjoy the moment. I'll try to talk to someone about it! 😁

  6. Isabella_
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Isabella_ avatar
    120 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to ☕☁ bella

    Hi Bella,

    Hearing the way your parents have responded to this is really heartbreaking. I hope that you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. What they call "the old Bella" is the version that they want you to be, but you've been the same amazing Bella all along. The only difference now is that you're coming to terms with your sexuality - this doesn't make you evil or a bad person at all!

    I know it's hard, but please know that nobody, not even family, can know who you are more than you know yourself, and nobody has the right to try and invalidate your identity. If you like girls, you like girls, this isn't something you can decide. The fact that they're treating you different is quite cruel. I just really hope that you don't try to suppress this side of yourself to please anyone, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

    You may disagree with me here, but hear me out.. If they have made threats to kick you out and you believe being openly bisexual in your household isn't safe for you right now, I think it's really important to put your safety first.. Even if it means telling them you're straight, or just avoiding the subject of sexuality all together. To be honest with you, I don't really think it's anyone else's business who you find or don't find attractive and you don't owe anyone an explanation, even family. I think it's very important that your mental and physical health isn't compromised as a result of them treating you differently and telling you you're wrong..

    I hope at some point your parents can be more accepting and understanding of this part of you, and you can openly be yourself around them. This is a really hard thing to go through. I'm glad to hear that you have friends around you that are supportive. I also went to a catholic school and personally my school was quite open to LGBTQ+ students who needed to talk about things with our counsellor, if this is something that's possible for you.

    I hope you're taking care of yourself, sending love.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Hanna3
    Hanna3 avatar
    3213 posts
    24 August 2021 in reply to ☕☁ bella

    Hi Bella

    I'm very happy that coming here has helped you!

    You're only young, relax and enjoy yourself and make friends and things will work out. You sound like a great person and I wish you all the best in the future!

    Remember you are welcome back here any time if you need to talk some more. 🙂👍

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