So I think i'm trans but I never showed significant signs in my childhood. One of the few times i remember thinking about my gender was thinking about why i use the female bathroom if i don't feel like one. As a kid I also had some trauma relating to my father and men in general, idk if this important or not. I first heard of being transgender in 8th grade and the video seemed to describe everything about me and how i felt about my gender. I couldn't come out at school or to my parents so, online i was a guy and went by male pronouns and a male sounding name.
Everything that i said kinda sounds like i am trans but from here I felt like a fake. I had come out to my parents during 9th grade and we saw a new paediatrician and my gp. On the first appointment they both said i wasn't trans because as a kid I didn't show enough signs and this was a phase to fit in at school, the all girls religious school, yeah ik. These doctors had spoken to my mother alone and me but only with my mother in the room as well.
I cant stop thinking about what they said, they had only said anything to my mother and not to me, and i feel like a fake. All of my feelings are real and it causes me pain but the doctors refused to offer me any help besides social skills to fit in more with the girls. They didnt believe a word i had to say and treated me like a little kid, i was 15.
What should i do? Am i a fake and creating some bs scheme to have more friends( im happy with my small group? Also how can i get help with my parents and on a tight budget?