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Topic: Am I Gay?

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. gay????
    gay???? avatar
    1 posts
    10 March 2020

    Hey all :D

    I have come out as bisexual to my friends or peers and have been accepted from what I am aware. I have NOT come out to any family members as I do not now how to talk to them.

    I have been struggling lately though as I think I might be a lesbian. I don't particularly like the word lesbian so I will use gay instead.

    I find some boys cute but I am not overly attracted to them either sexually or to their personality etc. I am attracted to more feminine boys but I am very picky.

    On the other hand, I find girls way more attractive than guys and will always focus on the girl in any situation.

    I think I am holding back from committing to calling myself gay as I am afraid to come out to my family.

    My parents have always said they would accept us if we were attracted to the same gender but that is where they draw the line. I hope they will accept me but I am afraid to fully commit in fear of judgement.

    Does anyone have a similar story they have dealt with before or is currently going through? Just looking for advice thanks.

  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3083 posts
    10 March 2020 in reply to gay????

    Hi gay????

    Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for joining us. I'm glad that you decided to post and hope you'll find some support here.

    There is no way that I could ever answer your question but I do know that I have personally questioned my own sexuality - and I know that probably a lot of people do (even if they don't like to admit it) :D

    What I do think though (and have learned) is that sexuality is pretty fluid. It's not really something that we have to commit to. We don't have to put ourselves into boxes as much as society might want us too. What would it mean for you if you did tell your parents that you were gay? Or the reason you have to 'fully commit'?

    I'm not sure if this is advice but I hope it gives you something to think about - maybe you can try and let go of some of the pressure and things will become clearer on their own.


    1 person found this helpful
  3. Dorothy1
    Dorothy1 avatar
    41 posts
    11 March 2020 in reply to gay????

    Dear gay????

    I completely agree with romantic_thi3f! Questioning sexual preferences is something that occurs to most people especially around teenage hood. There is so much pressure around that, I find. I personal think that the label is not important, yeah one can be gay, bisexual, straight and what not, why does it matter? :) I find way more romantic and authentic to be attracted to who we find attractive whatever the gender is :) As to your parents, do you have to tell them anything? :) I have never told my parents I was straight and I completely understand that it might be different that telling them that I was gay or something else (although I know that they would not have cared the least). One day I just decided to introduce them to my boyfriend. What is the worst that could happen if you were introducing your girlfriend? or telling them that you were definitely attracted to women?

    A friend of mine actually wrote a letter to his mother since he could sense that she would be upset if he told her that he was attracted to men. That way she had time to process and think about it and since he was not in front of her, she could not say or do something hurtful to him out of anger or fear. That s what she did, she thought about it, took her time and when she felt comfortable, told him that she loved him no matter what. :)

    Hope it helps. All the best.


  4. eight
    eight avatar
    372 posts
    11 March 2020 in reply to gay????

    that’s a vv fun username

    feel like i’ve seen the same story of im a girl and i dont know if i like boys because i don’t like them in the same way i think of girls. i know when i was closeted i’d say i’d have all these expectations and if a dude happened to meet them i’d tack more on (totally not a lezzo tho) i sorta believe theres a difference between like, thinking someone is attractive and being attracted if that matters? thinking this actors hot vs having a pattern of wanting to be with this gender if thats an example that makes sense

    but keeping it in perspective this can be a gray area for some girls. there’s some bi women who are picky and not that much attracted to men who still id as bi and lesbians who feel similarly and are happier as gay. if youre not as attracted to guys as you are girls its still bisexual you dont need to be 50/50 despite how people say it as. you dont need to be dating both guys and girls to prove you’re bi some bi people have only dated one gender and it doesn’t make them lesser

    but among all these disclaimers thats how i’m reading what you say as; i know you see a lot of people splitting it into romantic and sexual and aesthetic and chemical and i never really got the point of it because feelings are hard? i suck at reading feelings even if they’re my own and sometimes you can’t divide them neatly. we’re all animals at the end of it
    esp if youre young. you can experiment with labels and it doesn’t make you a faker if it doesnt work out. if you want to be x label you can be one there’s no contract you need to sign like a long term investment if you dont like them ditch em altogether. only you can determine what you want to be and not strangers on the internet

    you say your parents would accept you but “that is where they draw the line”. what does that mean? we won’t kick you out but we dont want to hear about it? reminds me of the riddle homophobia scale n how it sorts tolerance as still being low.

    if its personal to you you dont need to owe that to your parents esp when predicting a bad reaction which goes from valid to sensible. and their attitudes can’t be compared to “i never told mine i’m straight” s2g you can say on these boards “my parents said they would put me in the meat grinder if was gay” and you’d still get ten straight people swarming on here to say “live your truth! i would accept you! do it” but thats not something to take out on an anon isnt it

    i hope any of this is good. im tryin to stay under limit

  5. NJS_1
    NJS_1 avatar
    12 posts
    16 June 2020 in reply to gay????
    Hey Gay????
    I understand how you feel. I'm scared of coming out as a lesbian to the rest of my family because I've only dated a guy and I haven't even kissed a woman, and I worry that they won't take me seriously or doubt I'm gay. I would like to remind you or let you know that you are valid and you have a whole community that has your back. In terms of advice, be kind to yourself and take time - it's not a race. I know that's easier said than done - believe me, I know. I came out as bisexual to my family and friends at first, but realised that didn't suit me and I feel that lesbian/gay is more accurate. I hope this helps. Take care :)

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