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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / am i seriously bisexual or just an idiot

Topic: am i seriously bisexual or just an idiot

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    12 February 2021

    i am 19 and have never been in a relationship - furthermore, i have the life experience of a nun.

    which doesn't really help me out.

    i am not sure if i am bisexual. i know there are a few ways to find out. but i am far too frightened of rejection. the only thing worse than being rejected would be that the other person actually goes through with it, as i'm also frightened of intimacy.

    i am conflicted. i worry that i am only having these thoughts because i crave attention (or whatever else a psychoanalyst would say). i've always felt open to dating any kind of person of any gender.

    i definitely like men. do i like women? i definitely think about being with women and picture myself with women, but i'm not sure if i actually am genuinely thinking or if i'm just pretending to think about it for attention (even though i wouldn't share these thoughts with anyone, so it's not like i'd get any attention anyways).

    i just don't want to be a phony or anything.

    and besides, it would only make my life more complicated. it would be much easier to just ignore this and carry on. but i've been thinking about it for years and it's really starting to puzzle me.

    anyways that's my stream of conciousness, if anyone has anything useful or interesting to say, i'd be glad to hear it. or even if you don't have anything interesting to say i will still be glad to hear whatever you share.

  2. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15298 posts
    12 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy

    Hello Buddy Pal Guy, I see you have a few threads posted but in regards to this comment, having this maybe a social phobia and anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close relationships with another person, where you are unable to share your emotions or don't know how to respond to their emotion, but you learn how to do this by experience.

    A book may tell you what to do, but it's totally different when you are in this situation because a facial expression is required and their response or your reaction determines whether or not a relationship can be formed, but it won't stop any nerves you are having.

    I was in the same situation at 19 although I knew I was heterosexual, and it doesn't matter whether you're 10 years old or a much older person, the feeling and your reaction don't really change, although being older might make the situation feel more serious.

    Relationships change in many ways, platonic or being in love, because you can still have a coffee with the same person every day or twice a week so is this friendship called a relationship, maybe, except no physical activities take place.

    If this isn't what is happening then it might make you realise who you are attracted to.

    Best wishes.


  3. Littlebluescent
    Littlebluescent avatar
    20 posts
    14 February 2021 in reply to Buddy Pal Guy

    Hi Buddy Pal Guy,

    I think what you are feeling is quite common. I remember when I first questioned, I too was afraid of being a phony, however, once I started navigating my way through my sexuality, I began to feel more myself. I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have it figured out, however, it is okay to not know. Unfortunately there is no quiz you can take that will tell you whether you are bisexual, but there are many great youtubers who discuss this topic.

    This article may be helpful :)

    I would also recommend you check out a book called 'can everyone please calm down' by Mae Martin. She has some great insight on sexuality.

    I wish you well on your journey.

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    17 February 2021 in reply to geoff

    Hi Geoff

    Thanks for replying :)

    My sister has a social anxiety disorder and it has been really hard for her for years. She experiences a lot of challenging symptoms. I don't think I could have the same thing as her, as I don't experience any of those symptoms and am more outgoing than she is. I think I'm just really shy and paranoid that everyone hates me, and the lockdown over the past year plus moving from highschool to university (and not meeting any of my new peers because of lockdown) has kind of made me more nervous.

    Thanks for your advice and your kind words. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels/has felt this way.

    I'm really appreciative of your reply. :)

  5. Buddy Pal Guy
    Buddy Pal Guy avatar
    14 posts
    17 February 2021 in reply to Littlebluescent

    Hi Littlebluescent,

    Thanks for your reply. I've watched a ton of youtube videos about this, but I'll check out the article and the book, if I can get my hands on it.

    Thanks for your advice. :)

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