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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / can one change their life.

Topic: can one change their life.

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. DaneSaysYay
    DaneSaysYay avatar
    22 posts
    16 June 2014

    howdy,  i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.

    the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, beyong lust and trivial things....hopefully its not just me and the other humans have such feelings...


    my story is one of anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and disability bad chioces etc.. i am allmost 40, not going to live forever but am very focused theese days that if i survive long enough i will find love and ease the

    torment of my life..


    so they just created another label?i hope not, i think sexuality is fluid in some and changes, you may say im bisexual....geeze i hate that word, a word that makes me think of promiscurity, i wish there could be another name.... hey i just love one human deeply at a time and want real conection and love. enigma? maybe in todays climate.


    without writing a novel, i have to kids to a

    tormented woman, who is unhappy unstable and whatever, i still love my kids id do anything for anyone even the haters, i aslo have no job bad diabetes and the depression and anxiety and a load of social isolation and loneliness... its funny how you can be surrounded by people and buisy but not share kindwords,


     a few years back i spent considerable time in  hospital, got sic\k got better, relationship fell apart and got into looking up suicide on the internet, for awhile thinking this and that like it was my ticket out and i was real cool with

    killing myself, but I didnt die. but im still alive and focused on health and my goal later in the year.


    i want to be myself i want a boyfriend i want my famiy to accept me and not laugh when i tell them, i want to have love that takes my breath away,,, dont want to be a loser..


    how do i change my life to get my self into the position i need.. im in limbo, the heart hurts, its groundhogday..



    beyondblue’s clinically-trained moderators often work offline (invisible to you) on issues relating to suicide or self-harm. At the same time, general supportive comments from the community are encouraged. If you have concerns around suicide or self-harm, please phone our support service on 1300 22 4636.




  2. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    17 June 2014 in reply to DaneSaysYay

    Hey mate, sounds like quite a tough road you've been on. Understand you don't like the 'b' word, I'm gay myself, and think it must be really tough for guys (or girls) that are attracted to both sexes; straight people shun you because of the 'gay' side and gay people think you're a closet case who can't make up your mind.  That's generalising, not everyone's like that, but a lot of trash gets talked about bi guys and girls.

    Anyway, aside from that, it sounds like you've decided that in the next phase of your life you're wanting to be with a man as your companion, and perhaps you feel you might have met that guy already (you talk about meeting someone at social occasion)?

    In terms of where you go from here, I would look into using some of the apps like Grindr, Scruff or Mistr to chat to people and maybe meet up for coffee, drink, see where it goes from there (that is if you haven't already met someone already). In terms of your family, I wouldn't worry about it too much for now, it's only an issue that your'e going to have to confront when you have a male partner, and you can tell them then.   It might be a tough conversation, but I can't imahine them laughing at you mate.

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9431 posts
    17 June 2014 in reply to justinok

    Hi DSY,

    I'm a hetrosexual, married with grown up kids baby boomer straight guy. I say go for what your heart tells you.

    If ANYONE gets upset/angry, disappointed etc when you approach family and friends it's THEIR problem not yours.

    We are all beautiful human beings that are worthy and have a right to love the way we choose.

    You deserve to be loved and cared for. You should embrace you own heart and feelings and run with them into the sunlight.

     THE KEY

    Yell at me-

    I not yell back,

    curse me-

    I listen to you,

    punch me-

    I hug you,

    burden me-

    I untie your shackles,

    express yourself

    -I be your audience,

    I accept you

    -even if you not accept me,

    I've found my inner self

    If you dont like this then yell

    but I not yell back......



  4. Blue_
    Blue_ avatar
    89 posts
    17 June 2014 in reply to white knight

    Hi Dane! Nice to meet you! 

    Seems like you're going through a really tough time but I think you know what you want and just get some advice from people that have gone through the same thing as you. I don't think there is ever 'the right time' you just have to make it the right time. You know what your heart wants so go for it! We are here for you and I'm so sure your family will be too. It'll be a big weight off your shoulders, imagine being able to tell people who you really are, they can take it or leave it. You seem like a great Dad, Dane and an amazing person! Don't hide yourself from anyone. 

    Love Cas <3

  5. DaneSaysYay
    DaneSaysYay avatar
    22 posts
    17 June 2014
    thanks all for the support, means  a lot to me...just talking and seeing different perspectives is a positive thing. sometimes it feels like a mess and today is one of those, but managing feelings and putting things into perspective is helpful

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