howdy, i had a moment last week where i met someone socialy after not really going out of the house for a long time.
the kind of thing that smacks you in the face with intense emotions, makes you fluster skip a heart beat, want to be a better person, beyong lust and trivial things....hopefully its not just me and the other humans have such feelings...
my story is one of anxiety and depression most of my adult life, and disability bad chioces etc.. i am allmost 40, not going to live forever but am very focused theese days that if i survive long enough i will find love and ease the
torment of my life..
so they just created another label?i hope not, i think sexuality is fluid in some and changes, you may say im bisexual....geeze i hate that word, a word that makes me think of promiscurity, i wish there could be another name.... hey i just love one human deeply at a time and want real conection and love. enigma? maybe in todays climate.
without writing a novel, i have to kids to a
tormented woman, who is unhappy unstable and whatever, i still love my kids id do anything for anyone even the haters, i aslo have no job bad diabetes and the depression and anxiety and a load of social isolation and loneliness... its funny how you can be surrounded by people and buisy but not share kindwords,
a few years back i spent considerable time in hospital, got sic\k got better, relationship fell apart and got into looking up suicide on the internet, for awhile thinking this and that like it was my ticket out and i was real cool with
killing myself, but I didnt die. but im still alive and focused on health and my goal later in the year.
i want to be myself i want a boyfriend i want my famiy to accept me and not laugh when i tell them, i want to have love that takes my breath away,,, dont want to be a loser..
how do i change my life to get my self into the position i need.. im in limbo, the heart hurts, its groundhogday..
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