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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / Confused about own gender?

Topic: Confused about own gender?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. TeruTeru
    TeruTeru avatar
    1 posts
    24 January 2019
    I've recently turned 25 and have begun to find myself overly stressed over, and conscious of my own sex very heavily. I was born as, and currently still am physically, a female, but never found myself to be interested in feminine clothes, or dolls, and liked things like 'hotwheels cars' and boys/mens clothes (which I still wear and enjoy) but I mostly just thought of that as me being 'tomboy' and didn't think much of it.
    But, recently over the past few years, I got heavily into online gaming, and enjoyed online forums and message apps, where I found that I was often mistaken for a man, but didn't really wish to, or feel the need to correct people about my gender, rather I felt a little bit like I liked it, people seeing/thinking of me as a man. But despite this, I somehow didn't give it much thought--that aside, I never found myself overly uncomfortable looking at my body as a woman, nor did I strongly feel as though I were born in the wrong body, which led me to believe that I don't have gender dysphoria.
    However after joining a chatroom recently, I don't know why but when the subject of gender came up, I introduced myself as male, and was left feeling guilty, like I'd lied--if somehow I were to meet any one of these people, they'd see me and think 'you aren't a man, you're a woman' and think I'd been lying to, or playing them, which makes me feel horrid, but them thinking I'm a male makes me feel comfortable, even though I don't explicitly feel like myself being a female is necessarily WRONG, I prefer to come across as a man? Which leaves me confused, if I were trans wouldn't I feel strongly like I AM be a man, instead of sometimes finding myself wishing I were? Lately, my confusion has been at it's highest, due to the fact that while I don't feel like it's WRONG that I'm a woman, I tried binding out of curiosity, and found that I enjoyed it? Seeing myself flatter, with a more masculine figure in the mirror and looking a little boyish left me with a strange feeling, something a little like being giddy, like I’d been praised, or I was proud? It’s difficult to describe, but I liked it, it made me want to try it more. But after experiencing this, I’ve come to be stressed—I’ll sometimes lay awake and realize I’m thinking things like ‘WHAT am I actually?’ I’ve spent 25 years as a woman and it didn’t feel overly ‘wrong’, but I’ve never been ‘girly’ and I’ve found myself liking being mistaken for a man lately. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.
    4 people found this helpful
  2. MaxineC
    MaxineC avatar
    25 posts
    24 January 2019 in reply to TeruTeru
    Hi TeruTeru, our society sends strong messages about what a man is, what a woman is, and does its best to punish and discourage behaviour that is not "gender typical". We're forced to choose one box or the other, instead of just being comfortable with our unique mix of traits that make us individuals.

    The trans experience is a very broad one. At one end, you have people who feel so strongly that they are the opposite sex to the one they were assigned at birth that they want to surgically alter their bodies to match the sex they identify as. Some don't identify strongly as male or female, which is where the current debate about new pronouns is coming from. Others enjoy dressing up in the clothes of the opposite sex, but don't have a strong desire to live as the opposite sex permanently.

    Reflect on your feelings, and consider why you might feel the way you do. The gaming world can be notoriously sexist, and it's a lot easier to fit in and be one of the crowd if you're male - could this be why you felt comfortable?

    Keep exploring your identity and see where it takes you, and take things slowly. There is no pressure on you to be or do anything. You can be a woman and be interested in "boy" things, and wear "boy" clothes. Work with the confusion, and see where this process takes you.
    2 people found this helpful
  3. pandamochi
    pandamochi avatar
    1 posts
    29 January 2019 in reply to TeruTeru

    Hi Teruteru,

    your post really resonated with me enough that I'm coming out of lurking mode. I feel very similar to how you explained you feel - born female and never been overly bothered by being a girl, but enjoying the looser fit of mens clothing and binding. I get to "pretend" to be a guy sometimes thanks to cosplay, and it's been interesting to see people's varying reactions to it. I don't really have an concrete advice to offer you, but I guess I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your confusion. I have some online friends that are non-binary, and while I don't feel the burning desire at this point to join them, I might decide to in the future and I think that's ok. Also Ruby Rose is genderfluid and my idol. If you haven't watched her "Break Free" music video on youtube I highly recommend it.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Keypi
    Keypi avatar
    109 posts
    17 February 2019 in reply to pandamochi

    Hi teruteru,

    Can I just say HOLY MOLY! What you have just described is me to a T I've been feeling this way awhile but very recently found that I don't mind being mistaken for a man. I like wearing mens clothing and I've never been into "girl" stuff. But I'm equally confused if it's a trans thing or what I am or feel or if its even a thing. But whatever it is it kinda confuses me and in the same breath feels so right whatever it is. I've thought about binding but never done it, can you tell me more what it felt like. I don't really like to look at my female body, but I'm not disgusted by it either. Yes I guess its more like being genderfluid if thats the word for it. I'm just kinda happy I found someone that feels the way I do. I hope you see this and reply I would love to talk about it a bit more.

    Keypi :)

    1 person found this helpful

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