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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / help i cant do this any more

Topic: help i cant do this any more

9 posts, 0 answered
  1. Guest2891
    Guest2891 avatar
    3 posts
    17 December 2017
    hi  i am a gay 20 year old male i cant come out to parents cause they hate gays mother/ father voted no to same sex marriage and parents keep saying wheres your girlfriend go out and find one i cant keep acting like this till they die. iam now in my life just ready to end it cause i go to sleep crying every night cause i have had bfs break up with me cause i was not going to come out and said iam not ready for relationships i just dont know wht to do any more i also have to act like i hate gays when around them this sucks so bad
    1 person found this helpful
  2. monkey_magic
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    monkey_magic avatar
    3910 posts
    17 December 2017 in reply to Guest2891

    Hi there Guest2891,

    It must hurt having to hide who u truelly are to your parents and having to pretend. It's also taking a toll on you. I'm not sure what advice to give because if you were to come out to them would there could be unideal repoccussions. It could be really hard and hurtful to them at first ( but in an ideal world it shouldnt be) & then they could find it easier to cope with. These days people are more open and accepting though. Your parents need a reality check seriously~ times have changed uh hello. And love's about love at the end of the day.

    I'd continue being the gorgeous you and surround yourself with supporters. If they don't want to change/ grow with the times it's their loss.

    2 people found this helpful
  3. justinok
    justinok avatar
    151 posts
    18 December 2017 in reply to Guest2891

    Hey Guest2891, sorry to hear your family is like that mate. It's tough, I had a home situation similar to yours and I felt really trapped. Trust me when I say it does get better when you're out on your own and building up your own life. I don't know if you're in a position to move out right now, but maybe this is something you could look at doing. I know that sounds scary, but once you get a bit of independence then things will change.

    It sucks that you have lost boyfriends over this. I think because things are more accepting these days that a lot of younger people take it for granted that coming out is easy. It isn't. Do you have any other friends who can support you, even just to talk to? What about brothers or sisters?

    Just remember there is nothing wrong with you, mate.

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Just Sara
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    Just Sara avatar
    3397 posts
    20 December 2017 in reply to Guest2891

    Hi and welcome to our caring community Guest2891;

    It must've taken a huge amount of courage to come on here and air your situation. Well done!

    I really feel for young people who know who they are inside but don't have the support they so dearly deserve to feel safe and acknowledged. My concern for today though is about your mental state and if you're contemplating hurting yourself. Could you write about it on this thread?

    We're non judgemental and compassionate towards those who need support and encouragement. I hear your cries for help and will be the best I can be to assist you finding your way.

    Have you seen your GP yet for medication and a referral to a psych? They'll be there just for you ok. No emotional connection and totally focussed on supporting you. I want you to find peace within yourself whether you come out to your parents or not. I still haven't because in the scheme of things, it's my life, not theirs.

    It's been a few days since you posted; MM and Justin have provided a platform for you to continue posting, and between us all, hopefully you'll feel more at ease as time goes on.

    Sending warm thoughts Josh..


  5. Guest2891
    Guest2891 avatar
    3 posts
    17 June 2018 in reply to monkey_magic
    It's still so hard I cant keep doing this but I don't want to lose family over faith like I lay in bed at night curled up trying to hold back tears cause I just lost another bf over wanting me to come out all my parents say is Adam and eve not Adam and Steve which I have to play along with and cant see go cause I'd have to get parents to drive me there which would be awkward
  6. Guest2891
    Guest2891 avatar
    3 posts
    17 June 2018 in reply to justinok
    Bud if I had a mate like you I could chat about things like that I want to move to Melbourne next year but it's taking ages to save money to which it just so annoying and dealing with this is just crap
  7. stormcloudz
    Valued Contributor
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    stormcloudz avatar
    341 posts
    17 June 2018 in reply to Guest2891

    Hi Guest2891

    I really agree with Justins post - people assume that coming out is easy now, but it's a lot more complicated than that.

    Keep yourself safe in terms of your family, and remember that things will change and you'll be able to be yourself - soon by the sound of it. Justin is also right - it gets better.

    I'm sorry you've lost boyfriends because you aren't in a good position to come out, that sucks. It won't always be that way.

  8. stormcloudz
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    stormcloudz avatar
    341 posts
    17 June 2018 in reply to stormcloudz

    PS if you want to have a chat to someone, the BeyondBlue line is available 24 hours, and they generally understand LGBTIQ+ stuff. 1300 22 4636

    QLife is a phone line for LGBTIQ+ people, they would be good to chat to, from 3pm to midnight.

    And if you want to see someone in person, there may be a Headspace centre near you - they offer all kinds of support to people aged 12-25. They also have online support through eheadspace.

    Don't give up, there's a big, happy gay world waiting for you, and we'll give you a big hug when you arrive. In the meantime, stay strong.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    214 posts
    24 June 2018 in reply to Guest2891

    Hey Guest2891

    Just reading your story and I fully understand what you are saying. I'm a fair bit older than you at 47 and have been married for 20 years. I've recently taken the step of coming out due to the depression and dark thoughts about suicide, but really glad that I have taken the steps.

    I haven't told my folks yet but plan on doing so in next couple of weeks, it scares me a great deal. Thankfully everyone, inculding my wife, has been so supportive. It may surprise you that people may be okay. I was surprised, especially by my wife and kids. Though not easy.

    I wish i had done it when i was younger but this is how it is. My folks have always displayed homophobic bigotry but i know they love me. They voted no too, and said awful stuff, but they don't know anyone gay and are uneducated.

    someone already mentioned BB & QLife, give them a call. I did and talking to someone really made a difference. I now see a counselor who is helping with strategies on coping. You can also see your Dr about a Mental health care plan which helps getting a psychologist. Qlife can recommended a LGBTQ friendly one.

    Hang in there, this forum helps as well. I jumped on before I came out and it helped.

    Be true to yourself, you matter. It's your life.

    Take care.

    1 person found this helpful

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