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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / how am I supposed to know my sexuality...?

Topic: how am I supposed to know my sexuality...?

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. hellootheree
    hellootheree avatar
    5 posts
    21 July 2020

    hi again, I'm 15 year old girl and only a year ago I discovered I was bisexual. I'm pretty comfortable with telling people this so my whole family knows aswell as my close friends. I've kind of only recently been questioning it again, I barely ever have much of an attraction to guys. I've had crushes on girls and that sort of stuff but it's hard for me to come to terms with possibly being a lesbian. Maybe it's internalised homophobia because I am honestly kind of scared of identifying with it. Am I omnisexual? pan? I have no idea someone help please

    3 people found this helpful
  2. therising
    Valued Contributor
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    therising avatar
    2198 posts
    22 July 2020 in reply to hellootheree

    Hi hellootheree

    I'm wondering whether you're becoming naturally you. Becoming our most natural self can lead to a lot of self questioning or analysis.

    In regard to who we're attracted to, there are a lot of different stories out there. You can have someone who's attracted to the nature of someone who is the same gender as them. You can have someone who's attracted to the nature of someone who's a different gender. You can have someone who doesn't even consider too much the concept of gender and simply knows they're looking for a nature. You can have a woman who's been in a relationship with a man for years and suddenly she finds herself in a different relationship, being attracted to the nature of the woman she's come to love. She may even proclaim 'This is my soulmate'. In this case, you could say she's attracted on a soulful level, in a way she's never experienced before. She's never felt such soulful love until now. Most around her may say 'She's nuts. How could she be attracted to men for all these years and then suddenly go with a woman?!' Some would acknowledge that she's not nuts. They may even acknowledge the fact she's found her sanity through this soulful experience.

    So, lots of different stories or experiences. Sometimes you gotta take life as it comes. As we face self questioning, it's important to keep in mind that we face this form of evolution from our first thought to our last. It's how we grow, through graduating to understand who we naturally are. It can definitely be an interesting, confusing, challenging and even depressing or fun experience at times.

    I imagine you've seen hints of your natural self here and there. Are you 'the questioner' who seeks greater consciousness? Are you 'the wonderful one' filled with wonder in regard to what life holds for you? Are you 'the adventurer' who's looking to cope with the frustrating restrictions covid now presents us with? By the way, while the adventurer in me understands the restrictions to be for good reason, she still screams inside occasionally, demanding adventure. If you can relate to this, you'll know how it feels. Incredibly frustrating and potentially depressing if we're not careful in the way we cope with it.

    In the process of self understanding, it's always important we surround our self with a circle of 'go to' people who'll support this natural process and not try to shut it down, based on their own beliefs. Sounds like you have a good circle.

    Have fun getting to know your self :)

    2 people found this helpful
  3. P0L0
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    P0L0 avatar
    74 posts
    22 July 2020 in reply to hellootheree

    Hey hellootheree,

    What you are feeling is completely fine and you should not worry too much about it.

    I'm a 19 year old gay male who is going through something similar to you. I am just recently realising that I am not just attracted to people of the same gender. However, it is important to note what attraction you feel to the different sexes. For example, there is romantic, emotional, aesthetic attraction, and many more different attractions. So you may find you could be romantically attracted to one sex, but aesthetically attracted to to another. It is possible.

    And now, I am only finding out that I can see a female as pretty, however I can only imagine myself in a long-term relationship with other guys. That's how I determined that I am gay. However, that does mean that I can also be omnisexual too.

    Moreover, you do not need a label to describe yourself, as therising put it, you should just be YOU and you should not have to worry about labels that are constrictive, which is what I found them to be.

    Also, I have dealt with internalised homophobia from me. At first I thought I should try to stop being flamboyant because that was bad, but it is okay. In the process of realising that, I found out who I was - someone with a mixture of flamboyance AND masculinity, weirdness, kindness and strength.

    All in all, be YOU and I hope this helps!


    3 people found this helpful
  4. Birdy77
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
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    Birdy77 avatar
    2299 posts
    22 July 2020 in reply to hellootheree
    Hi helloothere,

    You have had beautiful replies from therising and from P0L0 - i hope you feel the warmth and acceptance of these gorgeous souls.

    I can relate to your feelings, and will probably echo what therising and P0L0 have said already.

    I have been in your position and i do understand the confusion and weirdness you are feeling .

    I was once a 15 yr old girl questioning my sexuality, being attracted to some boys, but mostly to girls ... i didnt identify as anything in particular for a long time, because i was so confused by it all.

    And then when i finally did think, right, I'm a lesbian - there was a gorgeous guy who entered my life ... so the questions began again!

    All i can tell you to this day, is that i am a woman who is in a loving relationship with another woman - but i know that i have encountered men in my life with whom i could definitely fall in love.

    And if my beautiful lesbian relationship was to fall away, i can't say for sure with whom i would end up, despite feeling more attracted to women.

    So, am i not a real-deal lesbian? I have no idea. But i also know now that it doesn't matter! All that matters is kindness and love and the rest will sort itself out eventually, even our messy heads.

    Give yourself space, time and patience - and as the others have said, just be you. You have a space in this world, exactly the shape of you.

    Much kindness and warmth 💕

    3 people found this helpful

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