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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / How do I meet other gay guys if I'm not good-looking?

Topic: How do I meet other gay guys if I'm not good-looking?

2 posts, 0 answered
  1. Malay in Melbourne
    Malay in Melbourne  avatar
    1 posts
    21 September 2020

    I have only started to live openly as a gay man about 5 years ago. Not completely open as my family doesn't know and neither are my friends from my country of origin. Majority of the new friends (which are not that many) the past few years know, and I am somewhat comfortable being myself at most times especially when I'm not in the suburbs that I know a lot of my country of origin's friends reside.

    I think I being a partially-closeted gay guy might be one of the reasons why I can't find any gay guys, even just for mates.

    although I think another big reason is my looks. I don't think I'm super ugly, might just be a bit borderline between ugly and average, but not absolutely appalling.

    For the last couple years I have tried building muscles to increase my chance of meeting people, but the progress have been really slow. This might be another whole topic, but I'm so confused between trying to put on weight and losing it. I started at 57kg, so really skinny and I am now at around 63/64kg. I never had abs and always feel like I got a fat belly hence the confusion between cutting and bulking thus I feel might be what hindering my progress.

    I have zero success on Tinder, even people that swiped right for me didn't reply my messages. I have very few success on Grindr, and even then guys don't really wanna meet up for a second time.

    before covid, my way of trying to find guys and not feel lonely is going to a SOP venue. I had some success, but it takes a lot of effort as i'd have to stay for hours (like at least 5 to 6 hours) to finally find someone that would be attracted to me. Also, I think the dim lighting also helped as maybe I didn't look so bad.

    i never went to gay clubs or bars, mainly because I don't drink, but I actually wouldnt mind going but I just dont wanna go alone and I dont have any gay friends.

    I've tried joining some gay workshops by a charity organisation, but even mates from there are not really in contact with me that much.

    my main question is, is there any other ways, especially in the time of corona where I can meet guys that might have some interests in a guy like me? TIA

    1 person found this helpful
  2. Only I know
    Only I know avatar
    214 posts
    21 September 2020 in reply to Malay in Melbourne

    Hi There Malay in Melbourne

    Welcome to the forums!

    We always seem to be our worst critics, especially when it comes to how we look. I hear you, I don't think that I'm all that good looking, but not ugly either. I'm often surprised when someone messages me saying "handsome" or the like, it's nice but I can't see how they can be genuine. But then beauty is in the eye of the beholder!

    I have the opposite issue to you, I was very overweight and have had to work very hard to lose the weight.

    Sure there is the initial attraction, but once you get to know someone the physical doesn't actually matter - it depends on what you are looking for. If it is just a hookup then people can be looking for something specific and bypass.

    The other thing is don't try to hard. If you do, it can come across as desperate and people don't like that.

    There are a few things you can do, though with COVID times it is a little limited.

    There is a SOCIAL app (not a dating app) called MEETUP. It is designed to get people connected from all walks of life for whatever interests people have. There are walking groups, reading groups, dance groups, language - and so many more including LGBT groups. If you download (it's free) and create a profile then list all of your interests (including gay/lgbt) then you will find a number of them. Many of the groups have online activities at the moment, such as quiz nights or meditation. You don't have to know anyone, you register that you want to attend and follow the instructions. When joining the online event you just introduce yourself and participate.

    Also, if you are into sport, there are a few LGBT sports groups (like running/walking/swimming and more). Just google "Team Melbourne" and you will find a listing.

    Don't go expecting to find someone immediately, just be yourself and friendly and respectful and the rest will work out. When restrictions lift and we can all go outside, if you've been to an online event with a group, it will be easier to meet them at an outdoor event as you will already know them! This is what I have done as I found it hard to meet other gay guys when I came out 2 years ago. It has been a great experience and I've made a lot of friends.

    Good luck!



    1 person found this helpful

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