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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / I'm having trouble figuring out who I am...

Topic: I'm having trouble figuring out who I am...

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. Wizz_Fizz
    Wizz_Fizz avatar
    1 posts
    29 October 2020

    Hi! I'm going to get right into this...

    I am having trouble figuring out what gender I am. For the longest time I've always pushed these thoughts to the back of my head but now that my friends have been figuring out their identity, these thoughts have resurfaced. I've been given the label of female at birth. I don't identify as trans as I don't think I'm a man. I'm shifting between just female or non-binary, but I don't know what I feel comfortable with or what I should do to find out what I am. I'm also worried to settle with non-binary as two of my friends have come out as non-binary and I don't want to seem like I'm copying them... On social media, I'm having people refer to me as Wizz, and I feel happy when people call me that but I also don't care when people call me by my birth name either. I have even put She/They in my social media bios so people can call me whichever. I have no idea what I am and I'd like a helpful push in any direction or just some tips to help figure out what I am in a much less roundabout and confusing way. I'm just so confused...

    1 person found this helpful
  2. romantic_thi3f
    Community Champion
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    romantic_thi3f avatar
    3116 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Wizz_Fizz

    Hi Wizz_Fizz,

    Welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out. This isn't something that I struggle with personally but I wanted to say hi anyway and I'm sure others in similar boats will jump in here. If you have a read of the sexuality and gender identity part of the forums you'll also find lots of posts like yours too.

    While I've never been too confused with my own identity, I definitely have questioned it - and I don't believe that any of us have to subscribe and commit to a 'box'. I think all of us in general believe that we fit somewhere and can't really jump into another slot. You have full permission to see what works for you without having to commit. You also have full permission to choose whatever you like without the idea of 'copying somebody'.

    It's for all of these reasons that I'm not going to push you anywhere. If anything, I just want to provide some sort of space where it's okay for you to be confused and not know right now.

    I also wanted to recommend this resource:  They provide free support for anyone and everyone, even questioning. Maybe this is something you can try or maybe they can give you some more things to think about to come to your own decision.

    Hope this helps,


  3. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
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    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    30 October 2020 in reply to Wizz_Fizz

    Hey Wizz

    Welcome to the forum and I agree with the words that rt has put together to support you. I also wanted to mention the other side of the concept of not having to subscribe to a gender or a label, that you may choose to be fluid, ever changing and moving between embracing being "female", other times embracing being non binary and using your pro nouns.

    However I do also understand that sometimes we do need a "label" if you like, or a "box to fit into" so that we can feel accepted. So that we can embrace the notions and all the things that go with being that label, so that we can find our "like people" and feel like we belong.

    Another point I wanted you to also consider is that life is forever changing, the weather, the seasons, people in our lives, there is a famous quote "the only constant is change" what works for you today may not work for you tomorrow and how you feel about your gender is no different.

    I think unless you need to identify to feel some comfort and to feel support then I would take each day at a time, go with what feels good for that day and think about tomorrow when the sun comes up. We really are forever changing and I think that this is perfectly fine too. The only person you have to be is the one YOU want to be.

    Hugs to you


  4. Confused teen
    Confused teen avatar
    2 posts
    2 November 2020 in reply to Wizz_Fizz

    Hi Wizz_Fizz!

    I am honestly in the same boat as you. I am not too sure about my gender. I tend to switch in between female and non-binary. At first I thought I was gender fluid but I didn't really identify with the male part. At the moment I identify with Demi Girl the most. I am also asexual and aromantic as far as I know. I know it will probably change. If you feel you need a label maybe look at this website, even if it is Wikipedia.

    I hope this helps and remember your identity and/or orientation is not set in stone as it can always change. Have a great day to whoever reads this!

    1 person found this helpful
  5. randomspace
    randomspace avatar
    13 posts
    2 November 2020 in reply to Wizz_Fizz

    Hi, gender is confusing, trust me.

    I had a similar problem to you quite recently, I identify as Genderflux which means I switch between a gender (female at my case) and agender but some say non binary as an umbrella term. I am most of the time agender. I am also lesbian, lots sexuality and gender discoveries!

    I know it sounds cringey, but you’ll find out when you find out. Sometimes finding a label can help and provide you with a sense of knowing.
    If you are non binary, I know it’s hard, but don’t be afraid to tell others, as it may seem like you are copying them to yourself, but majority of people will not think that. If anything they will think that your friends coming out persuaded you to be brave and come out to yourself and others too.

    But to be honest, you don’t need a label, you are yourself and coming out doesn’t mean your any different. A label can provide a sense of relief, but you don’t need one to be who you are.

    Researching genders if you do want a label can be helpful, but I do not recommend quizzes as they are very inaccurate at times.

    Hope you work out what you are soon.

  6. Helarctus
    Helarctus avatar
    116 posts
    10 November 2020 in reply to randomspace

    Hi Wizz_Fizz,

    Identity is a big thing and for some people they are lucky and land neatly in a pre-existing box and can get on with everything else in their life. For the rest of us there is a bit more work to be done. The most important thing to remember is that you are you first, if you want to be called Wizz, thats ok. I have several names and titles depending on who is talking to me and I answer to them all because those different names are part of different relationships that I have with those people but does not change who I am at my core.

    Who you are as a person is not defined by a single trait or behaviour and if pronouns don't feel right, don't use them.

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