hi and welcome to the forums.
one part of your post that I can resonate with is (as I understand it) is knowing the answer, or wanting some sort of certainty and the associated worry otherwise. And your post is understandable - I think I see a person who is going through a confusing time trying to work out their sexuality. If you do a google search for...
beyond blue questioning my sexuality
you will find quite a few posts on the forums from people with similar questions. A couple of web pages you might want to look at are:
lastly, one thing I like to do is reading stories and books on topics relating to my situation. Through reading, I might find some commonalities. It might not give me the whole answer and if not, gives me a few clues for the next bit. Perhaps the best bit is that you had the courage to talk about this here. As scary as it might seem, you will get through this period.