For years I have been questioning my gender. I was scared at first, so I used to convince myself that I was okay with being called a girl, though those thoughts would always return. So recently I decided to sit down and calmly think about it.
I sometimes get uncomfortable with my chest, often wishing it was smaller so I could hide it more. I thought it was normal to not want to have breasts, though all my friends think I'm odd for wanting to get of mine sometimes. I've caught myself saying to myself "I look to much like a girl" when trying on clothes and have always hated shopping for bras because of my body figure. I used to think it was because I was self conscious of my body weight, though as I got older I think I look great and everyone else is just judgemental. But my chest and hips make me uncomfortable sometimes.
I've found that calling myself a boy or girl creates the same reaction, me being unsure and feeling like something isn't completely right. I hear my family and friends call me a girl or she/her and I often get uncomfortable and unsure, though some days I'm fine with it. At first I thought it was because I am a young adult and I wasn't sure if I should be called a girl or woman (I'm 19 btw), but I don't think that's the reason.
I've been taking it slow and calm and I've come a long way with it, though I thinking talking to people going through similar things will help me figure it out. I've told two friends about me questioning my gender and they have been very supportive and the fact that they are using they/them pronouns for me atm, which makes me very happy and excited! I think I am genderfluid/nonbinary, though I still have doubts, and the idea of coming out makes me scared and never want to say anything to my family/friends. I never came out as asexual (because I felt I didn't need to), but now I'm very worried about it.