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Forums / Sexuality and gender identity / My Biological male partner identifies a s female.

Topic: My Biological male partner identifies a s female.

4 posts, 0 answered
  1. Belle014
    Belle014 avatar
    2 posts
    7 October 2020

    Hi,

    My partner and I have been together for 3 years. I am 32 and he is 26. I recently told my partner that I am bisexual, but that this does not effect my loyalty or love for him in any way and that it does not mean that I will cheat or that I want threesomes. My first intimate experience ever, was with a girl and it left me very confused for a long time as I grew up in a very religious family, and this was seen as wrong. I had told my partner about this experience ages ago and when he asked if I was Bi I denied it. But I finally came to terms with it. My partner was very understanding and said that it doesn't change anything about us. My partner then came out to me a few months later, explaining that he has always identified as female and that he (I'll call my partner she/her now), - she , thought she could hide it until I disclosed that I was Bi.

    My partner realised that I might love her regardless of what gender she was and she finally came out, after a few months of her being depressed and anxious- and being too scared to open up.

    I am completely fine with this as I will be attracted to her and still love her for who she is no matter what, but it will be an adjustment. We are both talking to Psychologists and my Psychologist actually suggested finding a community to talk to as well (hence why I am here) :) My partner will start HRT soon and I am excited for her. I just want to be prepared for any possibility, can anyone give me advice on what to expect from others and what I can do to help with her transition?

    I also want to know what the best way of coming out will be. My sister, partner and a few friends know that I am Bi, but I am the only one who knows about my partner (except for his psychologist and doctor).

    I think most of our friends and family will be supportive, but I also know that some of them wont be. My dad is very religious and would be sad at knowing that I don't want kids either. He actually voted against gay marriage in Australia a few years ago and it made me really sad. I am scared about what his reaction might be.

    Thanks for reading, I appreciate any feedback and tips :)

    Cheers!

    From Belle :)

  2. smallwolf
    Community Champion
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    smallwolf avatar
    5577 posts
    7 October 2020 in reply to Belle014

    hi and welcome to beyond blue.

    while I would not know much about the coming out to parents and friends and etc. I can imagine you would be worried about some of the reactions as you indicated in your post. With that said I am also aware of a some religious people that were married and and then he become a she and I know their experience was not a easy one. Yet we also have to be able to do what we feel is right and in your case, love and support your partner.

    you might also want to checkout this podcast...

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/not-alone/work-stress/

    it may not seem related, but the person being interviewed also spoke of the coming out. And I recall correctly, some people at his workplace knew even though nothing had been said.

    The other thing to remember is that others over time have come out and "survived" (however you want to define that term). So I don't think there is a right way and a wrong way to do it. People here may tell their stories and you can also find other resources on google by searching "how to come out". You are the only person who can decide when and how it is safe to come out. You may decide to come out in one part of your life and not in another. Coming out can be difficult, it can also be a liberating and freeing process where you feel you can finally be authentic and true to who you are. And all of this applies to your partner as well. I hope some of this helps.

    Tim

    1 person found this helpful
  3. Belle014
    Belle014 avatar
    2 posts
    11 October 2020 in reply to smallwolf
    Hi Tim,

    Thankyou for your kind words, it's honestly just so great finding forums like these in-which people who are dealing with similar situations can go to for tips and support. I will watch the podcast now.

    Yeah unfortunately some religions can cause more judgement and misunderstandings , than love- which seems so ironic to me. But it's good for my partner and I to be prepared for any scenario.

    I really appreciate your reply.

    Thanks again.
    From Belle :)
  4. smallwolf
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    smallwolf avatar
    5577 posts
    12 October 2020 in reply to Belle014

    I would agree with you about religion and love. But that might be a topic for another occasion. (There are some in the communities that are trying to be progressive.)

    Everyone's journey is different and perhaps (and if it were not for Covid-19) you might also be able to find some support groups to talk to and get advice from. At the end of the day (hate that cliche) you need to feel comfortable in whatever you are doing.)

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