Gday db , hope your soldering along ok, and to all.
Just to the last few posts. l actually l bounced all over as to who l was,personality, what l wanted to be, yrs. Possibly unstable bc everyone else even as kids seemed to stay the same day in and out. l did have things though l knew that much. l saw far far more than most people , l also had a very vivid imagination, l was far deeper than most in thoughts and as a person.l noticed it all even as a little kid, l also had a wild side not as bad as the real wild ones,far more than average though and took yrs and yrs to tone back as it still got me into a lottttttt of trouble. l had different dreams to most l'd noticed even as a little kid to. l always knew l was very different and most mostly seemed quite simple to me. Not asking much or even thinking too much, l envied them tbh, wished l was like that, life would just be easier.
l probably needed a shrink but l would've never admitted it or seen anyone even if you could've accessed those things or cancelers and help then as you can these days.
Around 40ish though l started realizing l'd chopped and changed so much through life and that l'd also have to just accept once and for all some things about me were just too much for an average person or mate. They just didn't think about things and stuff, life, issues, things going on,didn't even see most of them, like l did. l was probably born into the wrong world and people really.
l began to think l'm sick of it all, sick of the way l was, l wanted to simplify, l didn't like the heaviness, my mind, personality. lt drove me crazy, made me unhappy and l noticed average people were much happier and content and who the hell even was l anyway.
A real turning point and l realized as l'd mellowed a bit to l wouldn't have to control myself as badly and that 3/4 of the stuff l use to think about really, just doesn't even matter anyway. Happiness is far more important, and happiness inside, within, even more important again.
So l started working at just stopping myself, just be me, people could like it or lump it. l realized to that even though my dad as although highly intelligent and really, a visionary type character, very heavy thinker, wayyy too heavy for me, was also just a bloke, himself. Very down to earth, humor, just him, and people loved him.
So l realized the best me was just being me, no need to try, just be me, it's inside, just let it be.Those realizations really changed my world.