Online forums

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please complete your profile

Complete your profile

Before you can post or reply in these forums, please join our online community.

Forum membership is open to anyone residing in Australia.

Join the online community Community rules Coping during the Coronavirus outbreak

Forums / Staying well / Be Yourself but who am I?

Topic: Be Yourself but who am I?

  1. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7653 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky

    I can definitely relate to "trying to be myself" Because I don't know who myself is

    1 person found this helpful
  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to Guest_1055

    Thanks Shelll.

    Has there ever been a time you know who yourself was.?

    Do you find all the advice conflicting from self help books,friendly advice on what sort of a person one should be to be confusing.?

    2 people found this helpful
  3. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7653 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky.

    Yes there has been a time. It lasted for around 5 minutes. I ache to go back to it. Or find it again. There was no strifing, a sense of belonging, a finally at home feeling, restful.

    I will write more later Quirky

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Learn to Fly
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Learn to Fly avatar
    338 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to Guest_1055

    Hi quirkywords and Shell,

    Yes, I also relate to this. Have been working on a definition of myself for most of my life. Still haven’t got there. It seems to change, though, over the years. Some things don’t but so do , I think that’s probably natural. Life experience adds up a bit.

    1 person found this helpful
  5. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to Guest_1055

    Shelll

    Thanks for your reply. I can relate to wanting thst st home feeling, feeling relaxed for who I am.

    1 person found this helpful
  6. Mk2692
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    Mk2692 avatar
    106 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to Guest_1055

    Hi everyone,

    I feel the same sometimes. I spent years trying to understand who I am only to find out that maybe I really don't know that answer. I think life's challenges and hardships bring out a different side of me that I have never expected. It sometimes makes me weaker and sometimes stronger.

    I realise every-time that who I am is not who I thought to be. I then realised that I will only understand who I am by listening and understanding my emotions and the way I act in certain situations. I think sometimes who I am can change after time, because I am not constant, I am also changing.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. Guest_1055
    Guest_1055 avatar
    7653 posts
    19 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi beautiful people,

    Yeah Quirky I do find self help books confusing. I am not even sure if we can find ourselves in a self help book.

    You can get some good tips in some self help books on how to improve things in your life. I am about to start a self help type book on learning social skills. Don't think this book will show me who I am... More like show me how to do something.

    1 person found this helpful
  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to Mk2692

    Mk

    yes I think we look for answers but maybe we keep changing.m

    shelll

    Someone told me if I get one idea from a self help book or talk that’s enough as no book or talk will have all the answers.

    1 person found this helpful
  9. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2486 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords
    I think trying to find ourselves as a single person is impossible. We naturally change throughout our life as we learn and experience different things. What is important is to luve consistant with our own feelings and values. There are times when someone suggests something and we feel good about it. It feels like something worthwhile trying. In that case you are being yourself as you are choosing. Alternatively sometimes someone suggests something but even though you know the person has your best interests at heart it doesn't feel right. In that case thank the other person but don't follow their suggestion. It is when you do things to fit with other peoples ideas even when it doesn't feel rught that you are not being yourself.
    2 people found this helpful
  10. Ggrand
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Ggrand avatar
    9849 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and everyone....🤗..

    Does anyone think that we are looking for ourselves when in reality we are who we are each day...

    Some days we are depression, some days we are anxiety, some days we are our traumas then other days we can be content or even happy...

    Im a very timid person, always have been due to violence aimed at me...but I don’t want to be this timid scared person....I want to be stronger in every way and I keep looking for that person....I have never been that person, my mind tells me I can be stronger within myself but my soul doesn’t accept my mind...

    So who am I really.....I really don’t know...confusion sets in most days, wanting to be someone I’m not, my bosses wife said to me....I need to be more assertive....I tried, I failed...If she said I need to be a doormat....I will succeed..

    Will I ever know?...will the constant struggle between mind and soul one day give me the answer I’m looking for?...

    Who am I? I wish I knew...

    I feel self help books and talks are so confusing, their are so so many and some I found contradict, what is written in other books or talks..,

    Have a great day everyone.....keep on looking for the person you know or think you should be...Or have you already yourself.,,

    Grandy.,

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2486 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to Ggrand
    Maybe we need to focus on moving in the direction we want to go. We can't change drastically and trying just leads to failure. If I tried to run a marathon I'd fail but if I took small steps tp be fitter I could manage to slowly improve my fitness. It is the same with other traits. I have seen you grandy gradually change from someone too afraid to do anything to going to work and to posting really uplifting posts to lift others. I know there are things you still struggle with like most of us but each of us can take small steps to improve in the area that matter to us/ Not what others tell us to change!!!!
    1 person found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to Ggrand

    Grandy

    thanks for your post.

    i think we may be depressed but not sure we are depression or anxiety. I have spent my life saying I sm not my illness as I won’t let it define me.

    I am interested in your perspective.

    1 person found this helpful
  13. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Elizabeth thanks for your post.

    I think small steps to change can be helpful but as you say we must change things that matter to us not just because we are told to change.

    1 person found this helpful
  14. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3247 posts
    23 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirk

    Sorry to hear of your struggles. l had a lot of trouble being myself most of my life earlier. But it was weird really , although not weird at all it's perfectly logical but as soon as l stopped caring , l dunno , 7yrs ago maybe , and l finally for the first time in my life actually stabilized, guess what ! Although l don't have or even like having too many friends , l've still found more and more though since then , that people actually like me , just me, me as myself. And l find it with most encounters with most people too, just people, everyday people out and about. People l don't know or have to deal with for something.or people family or whomever , l do know , which aren't many apart from family but still , l've found all the same.

    l think it could be the answer for a lot of people , your inside, just set yourself free , just be you . And faults and all , also seem to go across and just be excepted when we just stop caring about them too much . People as we know , smell fear or uncertainty within us from 100 paces , and as we know even those supposedly close to us will pounce on that given their mood or whatever at some given moment. But as soon as you stop caring , there's no more of that either bc it's not there anymore or if it is you've become strong enough to push it aside or not let them see it , and it works.

    All the best.

    rx

    3 people found this helpful
  15. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3844 posts
    24 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Merry Christmas Quirky...........{ who are you again???) just foolin'......I know you Quirky.....I know who I am too....wherever I go, there I am! xxxxxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  16. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    24 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Rx

    I have always been someone who wants to play,ease others and make them happy. I never knew that was a undesirable trait till a few years ago.

    i know who I am and I like that but those close to me want be to be a smart dresser,have immaculate hair and to agree with tem.
    I am a colourful creative dresser, I have wild hair, and an individual thinker. So if I am myself I alienate my loved ones or worse they tell me I am embarrass them.

    Thanks for your advice.

    1 person found this helpful
  17. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3247 posts
    25 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Ahhh l dunno about advice just thoughts really and my own experience l suppose that helped me. l'm very individual,different and always very strong about that and who l am at the core even back at school . But at the same time , there was surface stuff goin on with people and from people too that l realized very young , was just quicker and easier if l just sidetracked those situations. But that wasn't always easy and where things often turned on me but anyway. Took a lot of practice but got there in the end.

    Beautiful traits to have quirk yeah you'd think so wouldn't you. But l can see to that only the very good hearted themselves could handle it , and most even supposedly close to us just aren't like that , such a rare trait. Sad but true.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  18. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    25 December 2021 in reply to randomx

    Rx

    I have been told often and for a long time I overthink things and I know I do.

    Thanks for your reply.

    Everyone I hope you can be yourself today and everyday.

    Moon, thanks and Merry Christmas to you too. I am everywhere I go but I do change depending on mood and context.

    1 person found this helpful
  19. demonblaster
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    demonblaster avatar
    7806 posts
    27 December 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi Quirky and everyone ☺

    I read some back the other day and started a reply then realised I was rambling 😆 also read to the top of page. Hi Random btw ☺

    Very good reading people and thanks Quirky for opening avenues of good convo.

    Agreed Elizabeth I think a good approach is to be how we're comfortable with ourselves, who we want to be.

    I think deep down I've known I'm a good person but people which probably most can relate can/do take us down so easily. Depressions a master at convincing us we're no good which we tend to believe our first thoughts.

    If we only hear a depressive thought we'll not like or truly know ourselves because while the good part in us wants to be known it's buried.

    If we think at least one more thought about a good about ourselves we might start listening to that too

    So it's taken many years but getting to know myself yes to a large degree but not liking the depressed part which I'm working on.

    Unsure if I've veered off topic soz if so.

    True what you mentioned about being hard to accept I guess and knowing ourselves when people make unnecessary comments. Sadly we can't usually stop them but we can change how we feel about it. Not easy but with perseverence we need to get there with how we think.

    Another good point made is in different situations we change. Many adapt to our surroundings which often brings out who we don't want to be.

    Especially with depression pushing down our positives is when we need to search deeply for them which we do have to help know how to be true to ourselves contributing to knowing who we are.

    Awesome people here at bb. We owe it to ourselves to learn our goods as well ⚘

    Hope you're going well Quirky ☺

    1 person found this helpful
  20. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    28 December 2021 in reply to demonblaster

    Demonblaster

    thanks for your well thought out comment.

    I think people on the forum tend to be self aware and have insights into their behaviour.

    1 person found this helpful
  21. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    14 February 2022 in reply to demonblaster

    Hello to everyone and welcome to 2022.

    How is everyone trying hard to be oneself in these changing times?

    I sometimes worry that after the fires and through years of covid I have changed a lot so am trying to wrk out who is the real quirky.

    Do you have any ideas of how to be yourself this year .?

    1 person found this helpful
  22. Moonstruck
    Moonstruck avatar
    3844 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hey Quirky.....how many different versions of yourself are there? Try them all on, for a day at a time perhaps, and see which one feels more comfortable....pick her! Hoping life is being kind to you at the moment. love Moon S x

    3 people found this helpful
  23. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3247 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to demonblaster

    Gday db , hope your soldering along ok, and to all.

    Just to the last few posts. l actually l bounced all over as to who l was,personality, what l wanted to be, yrs. Possibly unstable bc everyone else even as kids seemed to stay the same day in and out. l did have things though l knew that much. l saw far far more than most people , l also had a very vivid imagination, l was far deeper than most in thoughts and as a person.l noticed it all even as a little kid, l also had a wild side not as bad as the real wild ones,far more than average though and took yrs and yrs to tone back as it still got me into a lottttttt of trouble. l had different dreams to most l'd noticed even as a little kid to. l always knew l was very different and most mostly seemed quite simple to me. Not asking much or even thinking too much, l envied them tbh, wished l was like that, life would just be easier.

    l probably needed a shrink but l would've never admitted it or seen anyone even if you could've accessed those things or cancelers and help then as you can these days.

    Around 40ish though l started realizing l'd chopped and changed so much through life and that l'd also have to just accept once and for all some things about me were just too much for an average person or mate. They just didn't think about things and stuff, life, issues, things going on,didn't even see most of them, like l did. l was probably born into the wrong world and people really.

    l began to think l'm sick of it all, sick of the way l was, l wanted to simplify, l didn't like the heaviness, my mind, personality. lt drove me crazy, made me unhappy and l noticed average people were much happier and content and who the hell even was l anyway.

    A real turning point and l realized as l'd mellowed a bit to l wouldn't have to control myself as badly and that 3/4 of the stuff l use to think about really, just doesn't even matter anyway. Happiness is far more important, and happiness inside, within, even more important again.

    So l started working at just stopping myself, just be me, people could like it or lump it. l realized to that even though my dad as although highly intelligent and really, a visionary type character, very heavy thinker, wayyy too heavy for me, was also just a bloke, himself. Very down to earth, humor, just him, and people loved him.

    So l realized the best me was just being me, no need to try, just be me, it's inside, just let it be.Those realizations really changed my world.

    rx

    2 people found this helpful
  24. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Moonstruck

    thanks for your post. I don’t think I can try on different versions of me as they emerge and blend and the separate.

    randomx I am glad you found the best you was just being you. You said no need to try just be me.

    The thing you have to know is who the real you is to begin with, if I knew that I wouldn’t be always trying to work out who my real self is.
    Thanks for your reply.

    1 person found this helpful
  25. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3247 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Hi quirk.

    But l still had bad habits to work on and those other sides of me that made me miserable, and anxiety, and l still am. But l never wanted to be perfect, l'm safe there haha. But you know, the person l am, the basics of personality l discovered was just fine and probably always would've been if only l'd allowed it to just be. And it was just inside, all along , and it will be with you too.

    So what l'm saying is there's nothing to know or look for , it's all just in there, all you have to do is relax and let you be the natural you.

    1 person found this helpful
  26. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to randomx

    Randomx

    Thanks but to me it is not that simple as people and books and media have been saying all my life To be myself then in next breath tell me how I can change, relax,eat less, be patient, reflect for practise mindfulness, just be natural etc etc.

    In writing one is urged to find one’s own authentic voice and then you are encouraged to pay for writing courses and or books soy you can learnt to be natuRal andUthentic.
    Thanks

    1 person found this helpful
  27. randomx
    randomx avatar
    3247 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Oh God yeah , l've seen what's out there and all over the internet these days, it's enough to mess anyone up.

    l always tell people stay away from all of it, go for a walk instead, or do something you like, or go have some fun haha.

    lt is hard though and much easier said than done especially with MH issues, l know.

    rx

    1 person found this helpful
  28. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2486 posts
    16 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords
    It is important to remember we have different parts of ourselves which show up in different situations. They are all you so worrying about which is the true you is fruitless. Based on my experience going through a significant traumatic event changes you. For me I had to accept that there are somethings which the effort to change them is not worth potential benefit. Prior to the fire I wanted to be a doctor. After my fear of facing someone with burns made that impossible. Even now rembering doing first aid courses and learning burns treatment brings back feelings of panic. Obviously your situation is different but if there are things you can't face and can go through life without facing them that is ok. I was advised by psychs that if there was a fire in the area it was better for me to leave no matter how remote the chance was of being directly impacted. I had to accept that I was not going to remain rational enough not to endanger myself or others. There are other things which I really struggled with but I needed to push myself to deal with them because avoiding them was going to restrict my life too much. You need to decide what is important enough to push through and change and what to accept as your new normal.
    3 people found this helpful
  29. quirkywords
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14352 posts
    16 February 2022 in reply to Elizabeth CP

    Elizabeth thanks for your helpful suggestion.

    Your words really have motivated me. You wrote

    “You need to decide what is important enough to push through and change and what to accept as your new normal.”

    My challenge is to listen to myself and discover what zi want to keep or change.

    I find the word normal difficult as what is normal. I change through the day and week so have no normal.

    1 person found this helpful
  30. Elizabeth CP
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Elizabeth CP avatar
    2486 posts
    16 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords
    If you find something is really difficult to cope with then that is the thing you need to change even if it takes time as you work onecstep at a time. But this has to be what matters to you not someone else's idea of what to change. For example as a teenager I couldn't lught a match due to my fear but felt embarassed. I wanted to be able to cook on the gas stoves at school so I pushed myself through my fear until I could do it. Noone else was even aware of my problem so it was my decision alone. Obviously your issues will be very different. On the other hand my fear of sunburn is such I only go in the sun for short periods in summer and I am totally covered even when swimming I wear long sleeves and leggings. Others think I go overboard but it is not worth the trauma of trying to overcome this fear just so I can dress like others in summer. When I used the term normal I meant what you feel comfortable doing not what others percieve as normal. You can change later if and when you feel something is not right for you.Even those close to you are not living in your skin so dont understand what it is like for you.
    3 people found this helpful

Stay in touch with us

Sign up below for regular emails filled with information, advice and support for you or your loved ones.


Sign me up