We humans can do many things. But when it comes to others we are limited.
People have rights. If they do not want to do a certain thing/chore/task then they really dont have to- end of story. Then again there is some middle ground. For example- obligations? When you marry your fiancée do you know him/her well enough to know that he/she will fulfil their obligations. And often enough these obligations are based on what you believe the obligations should be...not necessarily what THEY think they should be. A sure conflict emerges.
What follows is often control. The one that feels the other is lazy or doesnt fulfil those basic obligations will often try to enforce them. The yelling commences.
What if the one being forced doesnt have the capacity to fulfil such basic obligations...what we could label in this thread 'normal' obligations.? By "capacity" I mean someone that hasnt had an upbringing that taught him/her the basics of living eg cleaning, hygiene, money management, punctuality, self discipline etc.
But I see a clear issue here. These people with limited capacity are now adults and adults can be stubborn and have often passed their learning phase. They live how they know how to live and if they have a bossy controlling spouse, wanting to change them...its a huge task to do so.
What if this person has the capacity but is just lazy? Perhaps him/her is happy to allow their hard working spouse to carry the bulk of the chores and others things? I'd suggest that this situation is equally hard to face and work out.
So, we have one with a possible mental illness. I'd broaden this to alcohol issues, gambling and the like. How difficult it would be to try to get this person to obtain help is riddled within the pages of this forum with people desperate to find a way to get them to accept they have a problem.
Spouses, friends or family are often left helpless as this person refuses help for a variety of reasons from stubbornness to stigma and everything in between.Lets face it, if this person has absolutely nothing mentally wrong with themselves why wouldnt they agree to seek a medical assessment to prove everyone wrong?
The fact is we can lead a horse to water but we cant make them drink.It's an accurate saying and one some will need to admit to themselves. After all has been tried and avenues exhausted be proud that you did everything in your power to get that person you love to seek help.
Then preserve your own health and accept it !!..that you couldnt make them drink.