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Forums / Staying well / Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

Topic: Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!

  1. blondguy
    Life Member
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
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    blondguy avatar
    11198 posts
    19 September 2021 in reply to white knight

    Hi Everyone! New members are always Welcome to post too :-)

    Just a note of appreciation to TonyWK...smallwolf....Quirky...EM and RX for your TLC for CMF

    TonyWK mentioned (to CMF) 'You're a veteran here, as admired and appreciated as the best contributors'

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  2. TheBigBlue
    TheBigBlue avatar
    211 posts
    19 September 2021

    Tonight I hate myself. Yesterday I hated myself. The day before that I hated myself.

    I’m not in a good place right now

  3. blondguy
    Life Member
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    11198 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue

    Hi TheBigBlue

    Im sorry you hate yourself as it takes a lot of courage to post on the forums

    Can I help?

    Im Paul....a volunteer

    2 people found this helpful
  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    5641 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue
    Hey TheBigBlue,

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us here. We're sorry to hear you're not in a good place. We understand how draining and spiraling thoughts and feelings of self-loathing can be. Please know we are here to listen if you'd like to share more. 

    If you feel it would be beneficial, we'd urge you to get in contact with our Support Service. The counselors at our Support Service can be reached 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online via webchat here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
    1 person found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    8897 posts
    20 September 2021 in reply to TheBigBlue

    Hello TheBigBlue,

    Im really sorry your in hard times right now and hate yourself....

    Is their something small you can do for yourself today?...maybe a little time outside away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life and thinking?

    I think our lives are so tied up with everyday life of working, cleaning, studying, whatever it is we do every day..that we don’t take time away from this and we get so overwhelmed...Maybe a nice cuppa tea/coffe/chocolate just sitting outside quietly and soaking up some of Mother nature’s healing vibes....

    We all need some time to ourselves to just be ourselves...

    My kindest thoughts dear TheBigBlue...with a warm caring hug...

    Grandy.l

    3 people found this helpful
  6. Jstar49
    Jstar49 avatar
    812 posts
    21 September 2021

    Hi all,

    I love to read others posts, like Em, who have struggled and triumphed and persist in liking themselves, no matter what. It encourages me heaps, and I know that I can choose to follow her example.

    At times when I'm feeling down on myself, it's because I'm listening to ppls voices in my head who I think must know what they're talking about. But just because they've known me a long time, or they gave birth to me, or are closely related/linked to me, doesn't mean they really know me.

    I know that I'm a different person with some ppl than I am with others. It's the ppl who I feel relaxed with and at ease being myself with, that I like myself with. And with some others, I feel like nothing I do will ever be good enough. So yeah, I can take your point Em, and vow to live my life more for the 3%, and worry less about the 97%!!! Because the more time I feel comfortable in my own skin, the more I like myself. And that has a lot to do with the ppl I hang out with, or talk to.

    I like myself here on the BB forums because evryone here is supportive, and helpful and kind.

    Cheers,

    J*

    1 person found this helpful
  7. blondguy
    Life Member
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    11198 posts
    21 September 2021 in reply to Jstar49

    Hi Jstar49

    Thankyou for the super supportive post about EM...and yes she has been through a lot and done so well

    Your positive feedback re the Beyond Blue forums is greatly appreciated ✔✔

    I hope you have a great week Jstar49

    Paul

    2 people found this helpful
  8. mmMekitty
    mmMekitty avatar
    347 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Hello Paul, and everyone,

    I think this must be a good thread, because I have been avoiding it.

    I don't like to think of how I feel about myself.

    Regardless of whether I am having fun, with someone I enjoy being with, doing things I enjoy, whatever, I know, deep down, at my core, independent of every other consideration, I do not like myself, I don't know if I actually hate myself, just I do not like myself.

    This feeling goes back so far I can't see when it started, how it arose, or anything. It feels there, like it is in my DNA - although, I do not think that is literally true.

    I think whether or not we like ourselves comes from our environment, culture, upbringing, experiences, input from all sources around us that tell us who and what we are.

    When we are little kids, we do not examine and assess what we see and hear, how we are regarded by others and how in general, society regards us. We take it all in, unfiltered.

    I can identify what some of the stuff I was fed, but not yet how to undo the harm it has done. A lot of it is effing poison. How do we neutralise that?

    Then how do we build a healthy self-regard?

    When I think I am being perceived as better than I am, I feel I have been 'fooling' people, They don't really know me. They would not want to. But if I don't 'fool' people, I would not be talking to anyone about anything, anywhere.

    I still rely on others, such as my PDr, who seems to think I am worth his effort, who says everyone has an innate intrinsic value, and I carry on as if this is true. I'm not actually convinced, but I value his opinion more than my own. I do wonder if I didn't pay (what Medicare won't), would he still see me?

    I continue to hold to the memories that a few people did think I was okay, worth-while, tolerable to have around, & so I know I wasn’t all that bad. There was something there. I don’t know what it was though...something.

    It’s a grain of sand to build a pearl around.

    It's hard sometimes, but thank you, Paul, for this thread that makes me think.

    mmMekitty

    3 people found this helpful
  9. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    11860 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    I agree that the variety of posts help me.

    mmMekitty I like the way you have written a detailed and thoughtful response to Do you like yourself.?
    It is a great thread because we can all discuss matters that are important to us in a supportive environment.

    I wonder when I like myself but feel ow I tend to blame others. Does anyone relate to that?

    1 person found this helpful
  10. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
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    ecomama avatar
    4513 posts
    3 October 2021 in reply to quirkywords

    Hey everyone, I hope you can all find moments to like yourself today, or all day if possible!

    Hey mmMeKitty, so nice of you to come into this thread and a very warm WELCOME! Share away, your input is very much valued.

    Thanks J*, my sister in truth and light lol. Have you given much thought to just BEING YOURSELF pretty much all the time? (within reason of course lol).
    Then, possibly, the people who don't like 'a person like you' scrams outta the picture quickly, which in my books is AWESOME.
    Then the people who hang around are those kindred spirits that you've attracted into your life and you can relax more and continue being yourself?

    Sure I have a 'professional persona' but it's pretty much me without the swearing lol. And in a dress suit more or less.

    I'm not in 'wild abandon' mode in all of my friendships, all of the time BUT I hold strong to my authentic mode.
    For me, to be any other way is deceiving them. I won't subscribe to pretense.

    Hey quirky, not sure what you're asking?

    Do you mean that when you like yourself, you blame others? Or when you're not liking yourself, you blame others?

    We can blame others till the cows come home and usually I find there is responsibility to be laid at others' feet, sure! We can blame others and all sorts of circumstances always.

    Then we've exhausted that, where do we stand? I think going through the blame could be an important part of our healing. Putting it all down on paper to get it all out of our system could help alot!

    Then we are left with ourselves.
    Having a growth mindset helps. We NEED to pour so much into ourselves to progress our MH. The more damage, the more work to be done.

    To respond to the question do I like myself?
    Sure.
    I do. I'm not perfect and don't need to be. I am more than enough. I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself.

    Love to you all
    EMxxxx

    2 people found this helpful
  11. Anna1991
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Anna1991 avatar
    9 posts
    4 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi MKitty and everyone here,

    I can certainly relate to the feelings of having "fooled" people when they seem to like me or perceive me as "better" than I am. "Imposter syndrome" is something I have certainly experienced.

    Looking at it from another perspective - perhaps the negative view point that you hold of yourself is the wrong one; we are often harsher on ourselves than we would be our worst enemies, and the truth may be that others can see your worth more than you can see it yourself.

    Be kind to yourself.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. CMF
    blueVoices member
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    CMF avatar
    8611 posts
    4 October 2021 in reply to blondguy

    Paul, Tony, Tim , RX, Quirky, Em...

    I just saw all of your replies. THANK YOU.

    I do feel better and realised in the last couple of weeks I like myself when I allow myself TO BE ME. When I do things for others, when I care, when considerate. If other's don't reciprocate I guess that's their problem. I don't need to lower my standards to match theirs just because they are like that. My work colleague can be not very nice sometimes but she is never happy with anything. Including herself. When we work together it affects me. She told me recently I'm much nicer to others than her . My partner told me he loves me so much cos I'm so considerate of him and I'm REAL. Nothing fake about me.

    I often feel people don't like much. I am excluded cos I'm quieter, or don't gossip, or don't drink. I see jokes going on around me that I'm not involved in. However, if others can see the positive things in me along with you, my dear friends here, then I can see them too.

    Thank you

    Cmf x

    4 people found this helpful
  13. mmMekitty
    mmMekitty avatar
    347 posts
    4 October 2021

    Hello Quirkywords, Ecomama and Anna1991, thank you.
    I like to post here, on BB that is, because I am not writing into a void, knowing there will be no feedback, which is entirely safe, but gets me nowhere. Reading what others say, all the various points of view, is important. There is no perfectly correct way to think, feel or behave. No ‘normal’.
    I’m still learning people are not ALWAYS going to dismiss or reject or deny me the right to say what is on my mind, so putting it out there is not as dangerous as I might imagine.
    Quirkywords, I also don’t understand what you mean when you wrote, “I wonder when I like myself but feel ow I tend to blame others.” Would you please would you talk about this more?
    I feel I lost myself to the people and what they said and did. I think I was diminished, slowly had bits of me stripped away until I felt there was nothing left. If asked, I’d either give rote answers or if I was to dare being honest, I would have said I was nothing, nobody, and also that I didn’t matter. As if ‘I’ was gone.
    I think major events, or those daily stresses beyond what most people would consider normal have cumulative effects shaping us into who we are, or eroding us to where we don’t feel any sort of Self remains.
    I wore a façade, just to get through, I felt myself slide back, as if literally to a safer distance from the world and its people, and put up an invisible wall around me. That too, was all an illusion, fooling myself, because it now seems, everything got in. In my own head, I took up berating. Belittling, undermining and discouraging myself. So, even when I could feel their presence in my mind wasn’t there, I was. I beat up on myself in their stead. In effect, I became them.
    I know these are not MY thoughts and feelings. I have barely begun to have and accept MY OWN thoughts and feelings, & can’t really define who I am. When I began to work on this, I felt that thoughts and feelings of others were like my internal scaffolding, and remove them, I would collapse, but there was nothing of myself built on that scaffolding, so what the? I think I fear to really be nothing. There is still a lot of crap I believe.
    I want to know who I am, independent of anyone.

    mmMekitty

    2 people found this helpful
  14. ecomama
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    ecomama avatar
    4513 posts
    4 October 2021 in reply to CMF

    Dear CMF

    You are so very valued here.

    It seem that the BB forums are chock full of such sweet, sensitive souls. I think we get hurt more easily OR turn the hurt in on ourselves instead of carrying on like others may.

    I also like myself alot more when I'm being ME. SNAP!

    Hugs and more hugs.

    Hey mmMekitty, so you're embarking on some inner searching? That's gonna be FUN!
    As I read your post, it was also like all those people who "stripped" layers away have led you to a time when you're soul is bared now.

    How BEAUTIFUL!

    You seem so inquisitive, thoughtful, kind and sparkly.
    I'm intuiting you just MIGHT like cats too? No idea where I got that idea from lol, maybe I've just got ESP? hahaha.
    I love cats too! My cat sleeps on my bed and is AWESOME! Such a different personality to any other cat I've owned. A real powerhouse and protector. He ALWAYS knows when I'm not feeling well and sleeps on my feet in those times, like his LOVE will make me better and yeah it does lol.

    So DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?

    I think I might as well lol. Beats the other stuff.

    Can we BEGIN just liking ourselves or do we have to think ABC to like ourselves? Bit like what came first the chicken or the egg.

    I just decided to like myself for any and no reason whatsoever.

    Hope you can all find things to smile about today 😁,
    Love EMxxxx

    1 person found this helpful
  15. mmMekitty
    mmMekitty avatar
    347 posts
    5 October 2021 in reply to ecomama

    Hi Ecomama,

    I wasn't sure I would reply to your post. I am confused about your saying:

    "... so you're embarking on some inner searching? That's gonna be FUN!"

    Hasn't been fun so far. I am in a state of uncertainty and insecurity, being empty some days, full of crap the others. washed up on a barren island or in the midst of a storm - fun? No, I barely have stayed afloat.

    & then you say:

    "...it was also like all those people who "stripped" layers away have led you to a time when you're soul is bared now.
    How BEAUTIFUL!"

    What do you think was beautiful about being abused? It brought no sense of me having a 'soul' left, like scraps uneaten after the feasting is done. Not even that.

    That's why I have to 'build' myself up from the ground up, without really knowing how.

    I am pleased you could decide and 'snap' and it's done. I do have to go at the task one step at a time.

    Thanks for your compliments, I am doing my best to not dismiss them because I have a hard time accepting anyone could apply these words to describe me. I want to shake my head, say, 'no, who me? No, couldn't me me, You must be mistaken." Or worse, trying to have a sarcastic joke at my expense. I don't accept compliments easily. That's a reflection of how I feel about myself.

    Mekitty was my cat, (see my avatar) I agree they all have their own personalities, & are all wonderful.

    I hope I have not offended you, by questioning and not understanding what you wrote. My apologies for any offence.

    mmMekitty

    1 person found this helpful
  16. geoff
    Life Member
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    geoff avatar
    15054 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hello Everyone, you are all valued by keeping this thread going, there have been so many good comments.

    I know for myself, that the older you get, the change of hours seem to knock you around, whereas when I was young, I loved daylight saving and took advantage of the extra hours, now I'm used to sleeping during the daylight.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  17. gucia6
    gucia6 avatar
    84 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to geoff

    EM, I love what you wrote

    "To respond to the question do I like myself?
    Sure.
    I do. I'm not perfect and don't need to be. I am more than enough. I do my best and that's all I can ask of myself."

    Good morning everyone

    I thought I would pop in and say "Hi" :D

    I love to see how so many start saying they like themselves, there is visible growth and probably fair bit of healing. It is awesome.

    You are awesome.

    In the last couple of months I was doing good. Ups and downs, smaller and bigger. I am able to cope ok with smaller triggers, I am still swept off my feet with bigger ones, but it takes less time to get up again.

    And I am working on my feelings of guilt and shame. About the past and about what I think now. I am slowly accepting my darkness. I am not a saint. I do harbour negative emotions like anger, hatred and resentment. But I actually realized, that I have the right to feel like that bout certain situations and people. That this might be a completely normal response to such. A response I was denied when I was a kid, and all the time when I was 'groomed' to be a 'good girl', with no right to stand for herself. And not wanting or not being able to forgive, does not make me a bad and ungrateful person.

    And I am also working on dealing with my past. Having (c)PTSD sucks, especially when being triggered, when sometimes I can't think straight, and I need quite a bit of external reassurance, that I am not a bad and broken person. But then I know that past is in the past. Yes, it shaped me. And yes it is affecting me today a lot. And it makes me angry and all. But I also know that there is no point on clinging to this anger, even though at times it is hard to step out of those intrusive memories and emotions. And now there is so much I can do to get better in the future. And I hope that there will be a time, that my triggers will be shallow enough that I will just be able to shake it off with a thought "ahh, there it is, one of those ugly memories, but I am cool with it".

  18. gucia6
    gucia6 avatar
    84 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to mmMekitty

    Hi mmMekitty

    I somehow can relate. For many years I thought of myself as 'Ms.No-one'. I did not have a opinion, I did not express my thoughts, I did not protest against my dislikes, I did not share my likes. I always waited for others to say their opinions, so I would adjust my answer to fit the rest. But also there were people who got really annoyed when I gave 'I don't know' answer. And when the time came to move and become a 'responsible, strong and independent' adult, it felt like to be expected to navigate stormy ocean on a tiny weathered paddle boat, without even understanding what is missing.

    But you know what? Right now, you might not know who you really are, if it is the real you or the frame of others. And it is OK, to be lost. And it is OK not to know where to start. But the fact that you are here, that you are trying to look for answers, that you reached out and want to heal. This is the real part of the real you.

    And we are all shaped by our pasts. Our thoughts, beliefs, opinions were (and still are) all influenced by everyone around, experiences and circumstances. And for me, as far as I could have done without the trauma, all of that is what made me the person I am now. And there are some pretty good qualities, that some people who drifted through peaceful childhoods might not posses. I look at it as if at some point I was left as an ugly, rough and battered piece of rock that nobody wanted. But now I have my tools, little hammer and chisel to work it into a masterpiece of an amazing sculpture.

    But it takes time. Now when forming opinion I am really analysing. Is it what I really think? Or is it something that someone else would think? Or is it something that is expected to be thought? What my gut tells me about it? Does it make me feel warm and fuzzy and comfortable? Or are there fear, anxiety or disgust? Or is this something I would say to impress, or maybe hurt someone? Am I self-censoring myself? (I would not express some thoughts, because they seem too much against the stream, or somewhat inappropriate). And often it takes time to get the 'final' opinion, and sometimes it goes through different stages and sometimes even opposing 'sub-opinions'.

    I am overthinker, but I believe this is one of the good qualities being the product of my trauma. Even though it makes me doubt myself, it also allows me to see things from many different angles, and consider many different possibilities. And as tiring and annoying it may get, it is beautiful.

    2 people found this helpful
  19. mmMekitty
    mmMekitty avatar
    347 posts
    6 October 2021 in reply to gucia6

    Thank you gucia6, for your thoughtful and insightful post. I think we do have much in common.

    You have said some things I will think about.

    Virtual hug for you.

    mmMekitty

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