Hi NB, welcome
We look up to our peers as if they are more than human, but they aren’t, good on you for standing up.
This topic was the centrepoint in my original breakdown in 1987. I’d fined a state government minister for a breach of local laws then was told to not issue fines against him again. That order was unlawful, discriminatory and plain wrong. I continued and issued 3 more fines then a huge panic attack put me off work.
Short story is- I was made the scapegoat and sacked but Im proud of my stance. However my therapist at that time asked “Tony, why are you always trying to save the world” and “8 billion people with thinking with shades of grey, how do you expect to survive being so black and white “?
The answer would have been so simple had I realised- to tell the boss that he can cover the ministers illegal activities not me.
In your case guilt is the result and had you not defended yourself by mentioning the facts your guilt would have been far worse.
beyondblue topic guilt the tormentor