Please don’t be embarrassed. If you’re current situation was something that you could magically not do anymore, you would.
It sounds like you recognise that you do need help - both professional & personal help!
Good for you! Recognising that you need help/can’t sustain your current state is a very powerful moment.
As you said, you’ve always worked. It sounds like work is something very important to you & is a big part of who you are. Imagine if the drugs/alcohol/anxiety completely take over & you can’t work anymore. What would life look like then?
Hoping to hear more from you in the hope that you can find the strength to stop the spiral. Believe me, it will be hard but will be totally worth it ;-)