Welcome to the forums, I'm full of admiration for your strength in leaving a DV relationship of 10y what a mighty feat! Well done. No wonder you're questioning things in your present relationship - you're wise to see red flags IMHO.
It must have come as quite a shock that your partner drinks so much and you only just found out.
Do you think he hid this from you?
I think a bottle of wine per night is way excessive but I'm a non drinker - I've had similar DV ex situation and left both.
The smell of it revolts me too. I can't stand the bedroom reeking of it. Heavy snoring from it - yep.
The mere smell of alcohol makes my children heave due to their experiences.
I wish I had answers for you.
I do think this becomes your problem.
I'm sure he's a wonderful person in many ways but no one can blame his ex on his drinking.
He buys the wine. He pours it. He drinks it. He's fine with this behavior. He apologises to you but keeps on keeping on with it. IDK. We can't blame shift here. It's ALL on him.
If he doesn't have a problem with it then it does become your problem.
This may have been a contributor to the demise of his previous marriage anyway. Who knows?
IF you knew about this, would you have moved in with him?
I joined Al Anon decades ago on the realization that my previous husband was an alcoholic - and his whole family. They hid it expertly.
But as sweet as the Al Anon program can be, full of sweet people, I felt strongly that it placed TOTAL responsibility on the non drinker. I was run ragged trying to fulfil the program and hoping to make the marriage work. I left. It was better. I've seen the path of destruction that exH chose since I left. And the next. ALL on them.
A relationship like this can look very similar to a narcissist / empath dynamic.
They have the rights - we have the responsibilities.
I'm developing a theory with a friend psych (one of many theories lol), see what you think....
Maybe when we spend countless hours trying to figure out what the heck our partners are doing / why / wherefores... in ANY ways.... it's NOT a good relationship for us.
What do you think? I know the darned hard work you've done in the past and I feel your disappointment, sadness, fear and frustration not knowing what to do now.