It has certainly been a very long time since you posted this- 3 weeks? I'm so sorry you didn't get any responses. Its so unfortunate when that happens.
So I doubt anything I say now will be particularly helpful as you were feeling this way 3 weeks ago, and doubtless you are feeling differently today..
I'll still offer my understanding and compassion though. Medication!!! The great bugaboo! Sometimes it feels very much like a case of "cant live with 'em, cant live without 'em".
Sometimes they certainly can be difficult- trying to get the right meds that work, at the right dosage that's effective but not too strong, with side effects that are bearable.
I too have made the mistake (several times) of thinking "i feel ok, i dont need these meds" or even worse "i'm sick of this side effect, i'm stopping it". Boy what a mistake to make!!!! You're so right- it takes only mere days to start drowning in the whirlpool!!
Your relationship with your wife sounds so special. Some silly people like to think you find a loved one, and ride off into happily ever after with them. That just so isn't what happens.
Sometimes a relationship is bliss- heaven! Its love and joy and wonderfulness. Other times, boy can they be TOUGH WORK.
But you and your lady- you've figured that one out, and by the sound of it, you've done the hard yards when they've needed to be done, and then you have times where you get to coast in the love and bliss..
Living with a mental illness, especially lifelong ones as you and i have, can be a rough business. It adds another layer of difficulty on relationships.
I've found, through many failed relationships, that i too have to enforce rules upon myself regarding my behaviour. I know that when i hit a hypomanic or anxious state, i can become irrational, restless and irresponsible with money.
Conversely, a depressive phase makes me super clingy, and totally negative and really unfair about everything- myself, the relationship, him.
So yes, i have agreed upon rules with him regarding what i must do when i find myself in those phases: the 1st rule being that i must listen and respect him if he says that i am in a phase like that (because of course, sometimes I am the last to see it).
I personally think by the sounds of what i know of you so far, you're an intelligent and insightful person. You have a lot of self-awareness about yourself and your condition, and you have the determination to keep trucking away at the bad bits so you can bask in the good bits.