I feel I know you so well, we’ve been here for several years and both have bipolar.
Correct me if I’m wrong but you seem to lack confidence and assertiveness. I’m wondering if that is obvious to others? If it is, then the possibility is there for others to use you as a punching bag.
My relationship with my sister is a good example. I am wary of her defensiveness and her mine. That makes both of us overuse tact when making constructive criticism. Such fear ensures we don’t breach boundaries.
If others don’t have that fear as they know you’ll just “do as you’re told” there is your problem.
How to counter this attitude of which they give? Ask them questions. Eg
“why do you question my ability to care for a baby when I’ve raised my children”?
“Do you have justification for not trusting me”?
“Where did you get the idea I’m not capable to do the task”?
The benefits of asking questions is-
- You can backpedal by saying “I’m only asking a question”
- You cause them to justify there actions
- They will become more wary of you and be more cautious
- You will balance the tables
The other thing you can do is remove services. If you are called upon to look after a child you can(purely for personal protection) encourage visits but say “I’m no longer going to mind the children, I’m sure you know why...but I love to see them”
That approach is more extreme but it tells the parent that if you lack confidence and they pick on your abilities, then you are reducing your hurt level.
As for where do you get the ability to switch mindsets, I didn’t realise the difficulty other would have doing this. I’d like to say however that originally I started doing this when I had depressive episodes when I’d lie in the sofa thinking about going for a walk but not wanting to as the wind was cold. Then I’d physically get up and walk out the door for my walk. Switching mindsets doesn’t need in most cases, mental input- just physically doing what your mind is saying don’t do.
Perhaps with my people training background (Warder, ranger etc) that means I can extend the concept to what I did today.
I have written on similar topics
The benefit of the doubt
That thread essentially highlights that our judgements on people, their responses might be misread. This is why I made a switch today- to try a second time to convey the danger!
What do you think?