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Forums / Staying well / Switching mindsets

Topic: Switching mindsets

  1. white knight
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    white knight avatar
    9216 posts
    30 August 2017 in reply to Guest_128
    Thankyou Dory.
  2. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    31 August 2017 in reply to white knight

    Ahoy there Tony,

    Am just checking that you are ok?

  3. white knight
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    31 August 2017 in reply to Guest_128

    Hi Dory

    Im very good actually. I do read many posts but dont always respond.

    Id join with the others in that if you ever feel comfortable enough to discuss anything go ahead.

    Its a no obligation environment here. You have been admired and liked by many here and members are caring for you by reaching out.

    By the way fish fingers, having 3 relationships makes you qualified to give advice. Ive had 4, over 7 years each of them (plus hundreds that wanted me but I was a busy boy!)

    Just because they failed doesnt mean you didnt learn from those relationships.

    So if you feel comfortable and see someone having a relationship problem even a short comment can make a difference.

    Have you read (google)

    Topic: accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

    Tony WK

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    1 September 2017 in reply to white knight

    Hubby and I have really not been good since last weekend,

    nothing said much to each other,

    I keep thinking that's it it's finally ran its course,

    This morning I decided.

    I have now booked next Thursday arvo to Sunday arvo at a remote fishing destination,hot spa,fire and whatever else I can come up with.

    So to all of you I say have a go, turn your thinking around,fight that negative bs you can do it.

    Dory

    1 person found this helpful
  5. white knight
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    white knight avatar
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    2 September 2017 in reply to Guest_128

    Gee Dory, you learn quickly, thats great.

    Spas are great. We have one in our bathroom. Luckily we are overweight....we only need 2 litres of water for a spa....;)

    Tony WK

    2 people found this helpful
  6. Guest_128
    Guest_128 avatar
    2143 posts
    2 September 2017 in reply to white knight
    You need a bigger boat
    1 person found this helpful
  7. white knight
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    18 December 2017 in reply to Blue two

    Thanks blue two

    Tony WK

  8. white knight
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    6 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    We have spent 4 days cleaning our house ready for sale.

    My left leg blew up due to deep vein thrombosis. I stopped cleaning. I knew I should lie on the floor and raise my leg to ease the swelling but didnt have the patience.

    Reverse mindset. I did the opposite. I laid on the floor and elevated my leg. My minni foxy decided to play games with me and her favourite tugging toy.

    At the end of 20 minutes my leg was much better. Reversing mindsets works.

    Tony WK

    2 people found this helpful
  9. CMF
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    8660 posts
    6 February 2018 in reply to white knight

    Hi Tony,

    Dear me, I do hope you are ok. I wasn't aware you were selling, I am still undecided on what to do. My anxiety is playing up today so trying not to dwell on things.

    Little miss has the day off school today, it is going to ne 36 degrees. She wants to go to the pool, as I don't feel the best I don't feel like going and i feel guilty as the older 2 are at school. I think I am going to put on our bathers and just go for a few hours. It is a salt water pool too.

    cmf

  10. white knight
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    13 February 2018 in reply to CMF

    Hi CMF

    I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier. Been very busy as you can imagine. Even though we are in Victoria and will still be in this state we are going to have an above ground pool in our next new home. It's just essential we think.

    See, we figured out that with both of us having depression (plus I have bipolar and dysthymia) we have to have the basics in place. Financial security is essential as is, a pool in hot weather, a reliable car, no debt (or for many minimal), no issues like house rot, white ant etc all those things that will tip us over.

    We are luckier than some.

    TonyWK

  11. white knight
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    6 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Hi all

    I switched mindset today.

    We had an incident in our street. The people across from us hired a removal truck and it brought down a power line. While they rang the power company I self appointed me to stop traffic.

    An old lady arrived driving a car and questioned my authority to stop traffic. My normal reaction would be to get angry but this time I said to myself “switch Tony switch”. I then took myself to a calm logical and soft spoken person explaining that until emergency worker came, “the end of that cable is live and dangerous, even children nearby had to be sent home for safety...you wouldn’t like anyone electrocuted should you”?

    She completely changed her attitude and did s I-turn.

    Switching mindsets does work. Eventually you’ll ask yourself automatically to switch especially when anger is your natural reaction

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  12. quirkywords
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    6 July 2020 in reply to white knight

    Tony

    My problem is being in the mind set where you think about changing your mind set. If one is too angry or sad or overwhelmed it is hard to have presence of mind to change.

    So what can we do to prepare to change before hand. if like you were, there is an awareness of your tendency to react with anger when someone questions your authority, you had something to say to her.

    I tend to get upset when a loved one tells me how to do a simple task with a child. I feel annpoyed as I brought up several children and now they tell me what to do, I try and take a deep breath and smile and do what they asked. I find if I talk I will be sarcastic so I just do what I am told.

  13. white knight
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    6 July 2020 in reply to quirkywords

    Dear Quirky

    I feel I know you so well, we’ve been here for several years and both have bipolar.

    Correct me if I’m wrong but you seem to lack confidence and assertiveness. I’m wondering if that is obvious to others? If it is, then the possibility is there for others to use you as a punching bag.

    My relationship with my sister is a good example. I am wary of her defensiveness and her mine. That makes both of us overuse tact when making constructive criticism. Such fear ensures we don’t breach boundaries.

    If others don’t have that fear as they know you’ll just “do as you’re told” there is your problem.

    How to counter this attitude of which they give? Ask them questions. Eg

    “why do you question my ability to care for a baby when I’ve raised my children”?

    “Do you have justification for not trusting me”?

    “Why”?

    “Where did you get the idea I’m not capable to do the task”?

    The benefits of asking questions is-

    • You can backpedal by saying “I’m only asking a question”
    • You cause them to justify there actions
    • They will become more wary of you and be more cautious
    • You will balance the tables

    The other thing you can do is remove services. If you are called upon to look after a child you can(purely for personal protection) encourage visits but say “I’m no longer going to mind the children, I’m sure you know why...but I love to see them”

    That approach is more extreme but it tells the parent that if you lack confidence and they pick on your abilities, then you are reducing your hurt level.

    As for where do you get the ability to switch mindsets, I didn’t realise the difficulty other would have doing this. I’d like to say however that originally I started doing this when I had depressive episodes when I’d lie in the sofa thinking about going for a walk but not wanting to as the wind was cold. Then I’d physically get up and walk out the door for my walk. Switching mindsets doesn’t need in most cases, mental input- just physically doing what your mind is saying don’t do.

    Perhaps with my people training background (Warder, ranger etc) that means I can extend the concept to what I did today.

    I have written on similar topics

    search

    The benefit of the doubt

    That thread essentially highlights that our judgements on people, their responses might be misread. This is why I made a switch today- to try a second time to convey the danger!

    What do you think?

    TonyWK

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