nup, it has been really crap for the last month and star wars the dark side is headed back for Christmas. I have told a mate of my issues and he is supportive but has had to move away for work but we keep in contact by the mobile messages. dont know just dont know wish there was an easy answer but i intend to keep looking for the right answer.

been great for 3 months now but guess what. i am back. had an absolute shocker of a fortnight dealing with other peoples crap. i know it pulls me down to the point it shreds me but i cannot say no to others in pain.

last Friday i was planning the end but this Friday i am looking forward to the holidays and a road trip for 10 days, i am so great-full i have a job with absolutely crap work "mates" that take my mind off me and concentrate on keeping clear of them. funny how a work place can keep a person sane. anyhow just venting at the minute. it is good that i have a safe place to go and really vent without repercussions. really weird , i was talking to a bloke i knew 40 years ago the other day and although we haven't seen each other for a looooong time we have traveled the same road and connected almost strait away. with the amount of baggage we are carrying we both agreed it would be GREAT to see each other again in 40 years. something to look forward to. anyhow crewel world keep throwing the crap at me and while i have this place i can scrape it off and keep going. at least here i know some one cares and even though you cannot be with me physically we are connected in a different way.; I was sitting out the back tonight and listening to to a magpie corralling, i think that is the word anyway. i thought it was so good that it was able to do that for me. it made me feel connected to more than the crap going on around me. i want to hear it again tomorrow night and the night after that. I feel life gets to busy to enjoy the simple real things that mean more than money and plastic people. naa better leave it there getting to much like the deli-lama. wish i could meet him some day and find out if he knows the meaning of my life cos stuffed if i know the answer. tomorrow is another day and with the grace of GOD i will hear another magpie. good night all.

Hey Crabby

Great to see you again!

You are spot on about having work mates that are a pain for sure. What I really liked is when you mentioned there is nothing better than 'some' people to take your mind off you.....Great stuff and so right too!

I have never met a 'normal' person in my life.....there just arent any as we are all different to start with :-)

Please let us know about how you are going and your road trip as well.....if you want to of course!

My kindest and Goodnight Crabby

Paul

another 3 months go by. and i wish i could live in my own tunnel and not have people around me give me the craps. really struggling at the moment but shut down turn off and just keep going. love that song. focus on me me me build the fence around me i need me, me is why i keep going me is me. the road trip is looking good under the pilbara skys at night no one around to hassle. just want to get through this week please God.

Hey Crabby

we are right here Crabby....no worries....we have spoken before (just above) Can I ask you if are having any anxiety symptoms? You will get through this week as you have already showed that you have huge strength by posting as a part of the forum family and good you!

thanks heaps for being here.....any questions are more than welcome

Please be 'gentle' with yourself....

Paul

Hi Paul, as i was leaving town for my road trip up north i was thinking this is crazy. i am on the edge and have to admit i was thinking the dark thoughts BUT it was great. on my own, just traveling and looking. stopping when i wanted for time to just sit and think. have to admit there where a lot of tears as well. something that could have been very bad turned into something very good. then i came home with a whole attitude and out look for about 1 day.

my life relay does suck and i need to make some big changes to make me happy. such a shame we need coin to survive and i dont have enough. i don't what to sound a winger though. i have worked all my life and appreciate every dollar i earn, i def's don't want a hand out because that is admitting defeat on my own self reliance. i do feel better about a lot of things. cannot wait to hit the road again, so many interesting people out there. dunno why i just wrote that. any how thanks for being here for me and my random thoughts.

yep it is that time of year again. looking at my history i have surved 3 years now. that is good. but i still realy realy realy hate this time of year. i get the stomach cramps and dread feeling. just watched american graffiti i was there but it all seems so simple now. SO why is it so hard to keep going?

history repeats it,s self so next year will be cool but.

all i want for christmas is to have some body say YES I AM REAL.

Hi Crabby, forgive me for not catching up on all the previous replies, but yes we can't avoid this time of year, we can't pretend it's not here, nor can we hide under the doona, well actually we can, but it won't stop the sand passing through the hourglass.

When you are feeling low you could sit and watch the sand go through for another hour, so when you turn it back over, the day slowly goes.

Your problems are not make believe, we know how you feel because they can tie you in a knot if you ignore them.

It can be difficult to stop a relapse to fall back into a period where our anxiety, fear and depression once again take over, but I have to congratulate you for having a 3 year, now, you have to realise that you're not alone at this time of the year, I join alongside you and there are many other people who have posted in the BB cafe you might like to talk with, I'm sure they would love to hear from you.

I hope to see you and please write back to me anytime you want.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

What is Normal?

*It is is a conscious act to try and be as much like or the SAME as your peers where possible.(Perhaps derived by a fear of community rejection and isolation is a more recent action that runs simultaneously in trying as hard as possible to stand out from your peers and be DIFFERENT.

Normal =((Part A) + (Part B)) @ 5o% so

If "Normal" completes an Finite objrct= here is(11)-144

• Whats important is what it does apparently seem to be the (day spa, social "Intelligence source" and of course the major contributors for the general public to assess whats normal.
• It is of of course of the utmost importance your physical and mental health are in tact. ( And seriously you don't want to end up having rest or lye in a built up area seen not as ill but an eye sore)
• If you talk to yourself, blow bubbles, let one rip in the lift just as your exiting, you can dress without stereotypical guilt, and choose to harness all that is good.
• AS log as your Doc is OK with your condition,
• Second serious note (And this may not relate to you some it may) and a quick run down is:
• Tell your Doctor if you've been misusing your medications. Tell your doctor if your method of administration has changed, Insf, IV, suppository. (any organ damage, HIV. SID's...Standard stuff. oh yeah

Hey Paul
been over 2 yrs so just reading some old posts when I wasn't very well and noticed you keep me afloat a few times. I don't forget things like that. your a champ.

CMF-Pleasure and a bit of assimilation with the 80's

Jeff- Your just an awesome bloke with a big heart

James-Interesting Tags-Love it

And Crabby Mate- Was a little worried the interaction was cut a bit short but you seemed to have a pretty good chat with everyone so be great to have you pop in, see how your going.

semmes to be a 2 year cycle. it is all messed up now and i am so lonely and feel like shit. probs because i dont give a shit any more. the other reality in the parrell univers in my head is so much more atractive. a few weeks rest there will be good.

Hey Crabby, welcome back to the Beyond Blue forum. 

We're sorry to hear things aren't going well for you at the moment. We know how difficult it can be to cope with feelings of loneliness. We are so glad that you have reached out this evening to our friendly online community. We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone. Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area. In addition to this, there are always counsellors available via phone for your most difficult moments. Some of these 24/7 services include Lifeline - 13 11 14 / https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat (online chat available 7pm-12am)  and the Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467 Many of our members have also been through a lot in their lives and will be able to talk through these feelings with you.  Please let us know how we can best help support you here.
 

Hey Crabby !

Great to see you again:-)...I hear you loud and clear about feeling messed up...It is tiring for sure

always listening

my kind thoughts

Paul