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Forums / Staying well / Who cries over spilt milk?

Topic: Who cries over spilt milk?

  1. white knight
    Community Champion
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    white knight avatar
    9207 posts
    18 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne

    Hi Paddyanne,

    Just got to your post. I'm sure Lynne didn't take your post adversely. As adults of parent/s that have quirks like martyr, waif, dominance or manipulation we all are damaged goods and the reason we post here.

    My mother is 88 this year. We, my sister and I haven't seen her for 9 years after she plotted to ruin my wedding. She ruined my first one in 1985. It became a shock to see here explode 5 days before our wedding for little reason. In fact I went a good 25 years not really knowing the reason until I was told to google queen witch waif hermit, only then did I understand it was the queen that wanted control and the witch that pursued my with her jealousy. It went further, see an auntie convinced me to allow my mother to the wedding in 1985. She paraded in family photos and in every one without our knowledge she had such a terrible facial appearance we threw the pics away.

    Beyond that years alter when she became a grandmother her bossiness went beyond reasonable. She'd tell us all how to bring up our children, get angry and over ride the visiting nurse, get angry at our children for getting what she saw as lavish xmas presents...she had her hand in everything. I kept advising her that she had her time as a parent, as a grandparent "sit back, love everyone and leave the upbringing to us the parents. Nope, never happened.

    So, in 2011 when my now wife and I planned our park wedding she made a comment to my daughter that although she was not invited "I just might be at that park that day". She lived 4 hours away. This was the last straw. I applied for a AVO through the courts. When I went to court (she didn't attend) the procedure is for the judge to read out my application then read my mothers response. When he began to read her letter I interjected and asked it not be read out. He asked why. "because I know what is in it, they'll be comments like his father would roll over in his grave and she had a sick son (my brother passed away by suicide in 1979) and so on...all I want is the right to enjoy this wedding in happiness your honour". He allowed it of course.

    I was nervous as my bride arrived. I was looking for a bright blue car and my mother. She never arrived. Once the vows began I relaxed. I've since lost aunties and cousins interstate from her never ending phone calls telling lies and exaggerations. It matters not, I cant combat that. My youngest daughter is heavily influenced also. Sadly, that's a loss I have to swallow as well.

    TonyWK

  2. paddyanne
    paddyanne avatar
    127 posts
    18 August 2019 in reply to Guest5643
    Hi Lynne. Yes, obviously your mum was in agony, however, nothing you personally could've done would've helped her because you didn't know what was wrong. It's possible that even if she had tried to explain all that she may have said was: I've got a 'lump' in my throat. That wouldn't have told you anything because you don't have x-ray vision. I have a young 20 year old male client who suffers epilepsy and has a brain tumor. I have no idea about his meds because I'm not 'privvy' to this info, should be, but I'm not. I was transporting him home from his workshop one day when I noticed he seemed to in a daze. I called to him, but his eyes rolled back and he lost control of his bodily functions. I stopped as soon as possible and felt for a pulse, it was racing, he was clammy to the touch. I phoned my boss because I didn't have any other contact number. My boss ascertained my whereabouts and phoned the ambo. After what seemed an eternity (probably 10 minutes, but 10 minutes can seem an eternity). The ambo's arrived and examined him. I was chattering like a monkey, shock and not understanding. It turned out he had suffered a blackout due to exhaustion and being kept awake by another severely disabled adult. I was scared he was going to die and I also thought his tumor had erupted. Looking back, had I not known of his disability, I could've put his apparent daze down as just being slightly tired and ignored him. Because I had been made aware of his particular disabilities I acted. Had I not known, I too would've ignored. I'm positive had you known about your mothers mucus plug you would've moved Heaven on earth to assist her. Maybe she knew, maybe not, she's forgiven you because she knows you didn't know.
  3. Guest5643
    Guest5643 avatar
    460 posts
    21 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne

    Hi paddyanne.

    Sorry i havnt replied i dont feel like it. im in a very dark place lately completely unrelated to this thread.

  4. Guest5643
    Guest5643 avatar
    460 posts
    23 August 2019 in reply to paddyanne

    Hi paddyanne.

    Your absolutely right if i had known that my mum had something stuck i would never have walked off. Because she was so breathless for so many yrs and would grab onto to something. She would hold my shoulder alot and grab onto items but this is the first time she grabbed on my arm and she grabbed very tightly but i just assumed it wa the same at the time and didnt give it a second thought. Maybe i should look at it in a way that you saying she forgives me and tonys incredible poem as i sign she forgives me. Ive been waiting for a sign for her for so long maybe this is the sign shes sending me?

    Cheers lynne

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