Welcome to the forums, Kate40, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with us. It sounds like there is so much happening for you at the moment, which seems like it would be really overwhelming.
Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. Until others can respond, you are more than welcome to get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service, as they may be able to offer some immediate support. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport
As well as this, we would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it