I've been spiraling back into depression hard again for the past couple of months, for the first time in a couple of years. I thought since I had started and passed my first year of Tafe that I was past it but I couldn't have been more wrong when I started the second year. Since maybe the first week I've been absent for most classes, unable to pull myself together and it really honestly feels like I'm broke inside somehow. It's gotten to the point now that I've been told to withdraw from a class and that's honestly thrown me off the deep end into bad habits and even caused me to relapse. What's worse is that I feel I but others to blame when this happens when it's all my fault, and I hate the fact that I'm unable to talk about this to anyone around me irl, especially my parents, who I feel I've failed immensely and wasted their money and time with something they don't even know that's happening.

Ill be safe, but I don't know to what end, I feel as if it'd be easier to end things, but then I'd feel as if that's selfish to others around me. I think I'll stop because when I think about it my thoughts just lead to bad to worse thoughts. I just couldn't keep it in, had to type it out, since I'm incapable of talking about it verbally, thank you

Hi AngusR!

Thank you for reaching out on the forums about this! It is always better to have support in struggles than go it alone.
It is frustrating, hurtful and even lonely when anxiety, executive dysfunction, depression or even exhaustion can pull us back from the goals we wanted to achieve, and trying to battle through can sometimes cause the problems to mount up!

It is so very critical in those moments to realise we are not alone - the voice of shame can be so very talented at putting walls between us and others when we need the most - don't surrender to it: allow the care of others to be bigger than shame and stronger than the bad habits.

We can hear that some of those thoughts are getting dark on you AngusR; We hear that it is the fear of selfishness that is keeping you safe - please, if you are at risk right now it IS an emergency, do not hesitate to call 000. But if you are able to stay safe, please reach out to us here - we are waiting to support you 24/7. Just call us on 1300 22 4636 or click here to start a webchat.
Remember as well, Lifeline is there 24 hours a day as well on 13 11 14. Please consider talking with your GP and TAFE support staff too.

Always remember, it is only a failure once you quit.

Stay in touch!

Sophie M.
 

Hello Angus, we go through school, then uni or college expecting that we're doing this to please our parents and believing we hope we don't waste their money, but it's the parents duty to provide food, education, clothes etc for the benefit of their children in being able to develop a life of their own.

We all make decisions that perhaps our parents don't agree with, but we do this because we believe it's the way we should change our direction and don't want to do what they expect from us.

As a young kid they could take the family for a holiday, but you don't enjoy it, so is this wasting their money, the same may apply with the clothes they buy for us, which we don't wear, does the same apply here.

I'm sure my Dad wanted all his kids to be a doctor, none of us are, so did he waste his money sending us to an expensive private school, no, because it still gives us the opportunity to develop in our own way and what we all ended up doing made him proud of us, so if you are uncomfortable going to Tafe, then you have many other options to choose from.

Try not to let this create a problem for yourself and if I can say I've given money to my two sons to help them out over the years and I don't consider this as wasting my money, it's part of being a parent.

Please look after yourself and contact your doctor and hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

Hey mate.

You haven't "failed" anything.

Trying in itself is fantastic so keep trying, don't let it upset you too much.

Try to put it into perspective. It's just a course mate.