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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / feel like i can’t keep doing this.

Topic: feel like i can’t keep doing this.

6 posts, 0 answered
  1. knottypigeon719
    knottypigeon719 avatar
    4 posts
    21 June 2021

    my family is abusive. i miss my cat. i keep falling ill because my girlfriend and her mum keeps getting sick from work. i’m sick of being sick. it’s been three times in about the past month. i have really bad anxiety around illness and my girlfriend doesn’t respect it. i get really suicidal thoughts when i’m sick.

    i have nowhere to call home. i don’t have my cat, who is my best friend. i keep falling ill and there’s nothing i can do about it.

    i want to say that it’ll pass, but it feels like it never will. i can’t keep going like this. i’m exhausted. physically, mentally, emotionally. my family are being really terrible people. i just really miss my cat. i’m so sick of being sick.

    i just want my own home. that would solve all of this. i cant keep the act up. they say money doesn’t buy happiness, but it would get rid of at least 80% of my issues. i don’t want to be repetitive... but i just can’t do this. i’m in pain. i’m upset. i have nothing. nothing. now that i’m out of school and have no hope in buying a home anytime soon i have NOTHING. i feel so weak and worn out. i just really want to hug my cat right now.

  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6618 posts
    21 June 2021 in reply to knottypigeon719
    Hi Knottypigeon719,
     
    We wish you a warm welcome to the forums. We're really grateful to see that you've taken such an important step in sharing your experience here with our fantastic community. We hope you can find some comfort and solace with us.
     
    We’re sorry to hear that things have been so difficult at home between missing your cat, your constant illness and the abuse you are experiencing with your family. We hear how frustrating it must be to have no space of your own and to be deprived of the companionship and comfort your have with your cat.
    We will be checking in with you privately to see how you are coping with your thoughts of suicide and to see if you need any further support.
     
    In the meantime, if you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

    We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
     
    Please keep us updated as to how things are going with you and welcome again.


     
  3. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    22 June 2021 in reply to knottypigeon719

    Hi Knottypigeon

    Warm welcome to our forums. I'm pleased you found your way here and as Sophie suggested above, when you are feeling as low as you are please call one of the numbers above or reach out to the webchat. You're not alone.

    I understand completely about wanting to hug your cat. My cat was my saviour when I was a child and teenager. He gave me the love, warmth and company I needed. Something which my family was not good at giving.

    Being sick all the time gets you down. I used to be like that too. I think mine mostly came from anxiety (something which the doctors never picked up on). Now that I understand myself better I'm not quite so sick any more. It doesn't mean I don't get anxiety - just better at managing it so it doesn't spiral into depression.

    There are many here on the forums who experience what you are going through. Feel free to come back and talk some more if you want. But no pressure.

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

  4. knottypigeon719
    knottypigeon719 avatar
    4 posts
    24 June 2021 in reply to PamelaR

    Thank you for your reply. It has provided me with some comfort and I really appreciate it.

    I have decided that for now, I think I’ll try to organise days where I go out for lunch with my mum away from the house where she brings my cat with her. The reason I left the house is because of my mother but the reason I’m not going back is because of the abuse from my brother and mother’s husband. I believe this is all I can do for now, at least until I have a more permanent place to stay.

    I am currently with my partner but we both plan on sharing the rent for a university apartment next year. I can’t wait and I am sticking it out to see my cat and to have my own place to finally, truly, call “home”.

  5. knottypigeon719
    knottypigeon719 avatar
    4 posts
    24 June 2021 in reply to Sophie_M
    Thank you for your warm welcome and advice.
  6. PamelaR
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    PamelaR avatar
    2740 posts
    25 June 2021 in reply to knottypigeon719

    Hi Knottypigeon

    I do like your name. It reminds me of a Topknot pigeon which are very nice birds.

    Glad to hear you found some comfort in my post and that you appreciate it. I'm also pleased to hear you are planning things for the future - sharing the rent for a uni apartment with your partner.

    Getting your mum to bring your cat to your lunch time meet up is a great idea. Things sound very tough for you at home though, with the abuse from your brother and mother's husband. My heart goes out to you. One of the biggest things I think I needed when I was your age was someone to talk to that would listen. Unfortunately there wasn't anyone in those days. It's great to see so many services available now. Besides the contacts given to you above - have your tried the Kids Helpline 1800 551800 and/or HeadSpace 1800 650890? These organisations are also available online -

    • www.kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling
    • www.headspace.org.au/eheadspace

    Kind regards

    PamelaR

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