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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Feeling The Sting Of Rejection

Topic: Feeling The Sting Of Rejection

5 posts, 0 answered
  1. Blondie01
    Blondie01 avatar
    1 posts
    13 February 2021
    Just not dealing with someone I liked finding someone else he thinks is more compatible. Just sick of feeling used and like how I feel doesn't matter. Sick of being alone and liking someone only to have them find someone else. Just don't see the point in trying any more.
    1 person found this helpful
  2. Summer Rose
    Valued Contributor
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    Summer Rose avatar
    1726 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to Blondie01

    Hi Blondie

    Welcome to the forum.

    Sounds like you’re really going through a rough patch and I’m really sorry for your hurt. There is nothing worse than a broken heart.

    Please, don’t despair. You are a unique individual here on our planet for a reason and you matter.

    You are new to this forum but if you stick around you will find this to be an accepting, kind and non-judgmental community. You truly do matter here.

    Relationships are really hard for most everyone and finding the right person can be really challenging. The one thing I do believe, however, is that there is a lid for every pot.

    Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal. Maybe try to enjoy being single again. And when you’re ready you can think about trying again.

    Hang in there. Post any time.

    Kind thoughts to you

  3. white knight
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9755 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to Blondie01
    Hi, welcome

    I might have a radical answer to your problem of feeling used.

    In my 20's I got tired of dating girls several times and (them days) paying for everything only for them to become some other guys girlfriend.

    So a formula was created. I would date a girl 3 times maximum and only continue to date her if during those 3 dates she passed certain "tests. They were-

    1. She paid for one of the 3 meals
    2. She displayed a love of animals
    3. She had shown signs of wanting a serious relationship
    4. She was emotionally compatible
    5. She was proactive e.g. she suggested places to go with the next date.

    I also stopped taking girls to restaurants. A drive in the countryside or a movie is far cheaper and you get to know them better.

    This all sounds methodical but it's practical. Don't give up, there is a partner out there for you. It is possible you are choosing the wrong type. It's reasonable to question yourself but better to take the view that these people you date that find someone else is not the right person for you anyway.

    Take the view- you deserve the best.

    TonyWK

    1 person found this helpful
  4. Croix
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    Croix avatar
    10934 posts
    13 February 2021 in reply to Blondie01

    Dear Blondie01~

    Welcome here, a good move ATM as you will, if you were like me, feel incomplete and hopeless.

    There is no easy way I know of to get over the pain, except maybe anger. You have been ill-used. Maybe the person was immature and only starting to find out about themselves or if they were cynically using others.

    There are two ways of looking at this - the loss and grief on the one hand -something inescapable - and the realization you have had a lucky escape

    If he is thinking of who is more compatible with him then he is both selfish -thinking of himself first with no thought of others - and at the same time is on the wrong track. Compatibility is not the aim

    So now you do not have to go though that selfishness and shallow thinking later on when you believed you were settled down together, it has happened early on

    It is a learning matter, next time - and there will be a next time for you as there was for me - you will be looking for signs of true care

    I talk of next time. It is so easy, particularly if it is a first serious affair, to think that's it, there will never be another - but that thinking will be wrong. It will sneak up on you as a surprise, it did for me, you will find yourself drawn to another and enjoying being with them. Then you find out if they are reliable and think of you.

    Can I suggest that even if you do not feel like it, or are worried others will see the relationship is over and pass comments, that you do resume your social life. It will distract you and stop you being on your own -a bad thing.

    It will let others know you are ready to go on with the rest of your life.

    At the time I felt like not going on, taking my life the only thing as life hurt and seemed empty and hopeless. I'm so glad I did not.

    My next relationship, with somebody who was so different from me nobody would say we were compatible, it lasted very many years till illness parted us

    Do you have anyone you can talk to about how you feel? A family member perhaps or friend who will listen and care, not try to do anything to fix things -except go with you out for a coffee or something like that . Just be there for you?

    If at times alone and feeling overwhemed or frightened of what you might do give either the Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) a ring, or web chat if you find that easier. They are both caring, experienced and understanding. Just human contact can make a huge difference. (You may have to wait)

    Croix

  5. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    13 February 2021 in reply to Blondie01

    Hey Blonde01, welcome.

    I'm sorry to hear this, but just know that it's on them and not you, you did nothing wrong. It's their loss and problem if they're going to be like that, remember that. They don't sound like they're worth it anyway, but I'm sorry you had feelings for them and they let you down and used you, that's not right. I've been there.

    I'm alone too, but I want to reassure you that how you feel does matter, you and your feelings are valid, regardless of if they're good or bad emotions. You matter and you're loved, including by people here.

    You have a point and purpose in life, even if you can't realise that. I hope you find someone who is the right fit for you and makes you happy, good luck, you deserve it.

    Please stay safe.

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