hello Anne - I know some Ann's without an e :) and some with...
I hear what you say about not wanting to feel like burden, disappointment and perhaps everything else in between. When I am speaking with someone else about a thought or feeling, I will typically start with "I know this sounds odd/weird/stupid ... "
For me, logically I know my next statement should not effect me (I wish it did not) but there is some emotional tug within me that causes this feeling. So I have say a disconnect between the logical and emotional thought.
I also noticed in your first post about putting work ahead (?) of evrything else. That is something I do. It is that feeling that "I have to do it", and I cannot afford to have things left undone, people depend on me etc. It is also the way I was raised. It can be hard to put ourselves first. Yet sometimes this is what we have to do.
self care thing whether this is writing a journal or going out and doing something can be initially hard. It was for me at least.
Perhaps the one through all this is (for me)... (i) things take time, (ii) as long as I am moving forward it does not matter how slow I go, (iii) on the way up the mountain I will sometimes have to go through a valley for a better path.
Courage took to you hospital and will help you though this.
Peace to you, Tim