Nope, nope nope. No glimpse.

im completely trapped I don’t see the point. I tried. But Melbourne is just so stupid and short sighted.

we have a nasty ego centric control freak of a ‘leader’ who just wants to control us. Take away our ability to make decisions about our own lives. Take away any hopes goals ability to better your situation, take care of yourself physically or mentally.

Why keep trying? The cure is worse then the disease. I can’t get myself together without this also trying to crush me and those around me. And cause everyone to turn on each other and judge and compete. This is not a place I wish to fight to be in.

Hello Dear Anne,

Im so deeply sorry that this horrid lockdown is causing yourself to feel trapped...

I live in country nsw and the people who do adhere to the rules has brought the visual into our communities out here...which is so very sad....There will always be people who think they are above the law and do what they want to...

One thing we must realise is that lockdown is not a punishment....lockdown is caring for ourselves and our family, friends, neighbours etc....I know it’s harder for some then others...

During lockdown, we need to keep ourselves busy, doing things that when we were always to busy to do...Maybe a nice project..something different from everyday projects, so when all this is over we have something special we created..

Have you looked at YouTube 5 minute craft...wow their are lots of easy projects on their to try without spending money...When we had the mouse plague out her..I made a mouse trap using the instructions from YouTube...it worked and I have it forever.....Maybe you could have a look at all the different things that could keep your mind busy....

This will pass Anne, just like every other virus that has come to invade Mother Earth and her children....Please Anne...Keep faith and believe that it will pass and know that you are doing the very best you can in horrible circumstances....

Keep talking here beautiful Anne..we are here for you whenever you feel to talk or vent..

My kindest thoughts with my care..

Grandy..

Thanks for trying to help. But I’m busy. So busy. I don’t sleep. I teach VCE students. I can’t get on top of my work. I am so worried about my students. So worried about my own kids. So worried about my husband not having work and staff to pay.

Craft or activities won’t help. I used all those strategies last year. I’m over them. They do nothing any more. The only thing that helps is to hurt myself - I run or walk until I hurt or collapse. I’m only 3.5 weeks post surgery again and I’m so sick of everything. I don’t see the point. Where is the hope? Where is the ability to control our own lives? What can we plan for or look forward to.

the only thing stopping me from giving up completely are my kids.
One of my daughters friends took her life this week. I’m both jealous of her and disgusted with her. How is that?

im so triggered by being controlled and told what to do and prevented from doing things to help myself. Thinking of how many peoples lives are being destroyed in so many ways, including being trapped at home with people who hurt them. this is completely pointless

Hey Anne(withan-e),

Thanks for posting tonight. 

We're so sorry to hear how defeated you feel at the moment. We can hear how many stressors are going on for you and this must be so overwhelming. Is there any way you can get some extra support from work and with your teaching? 

We acknowledge your distress about the current lockdowns. We also experience disappointment and difficulty with Australia's current situation. We hope one day soon this will all be a distant memory! There is a lot to look forward too. 

If you feel up to it, we'd encourage you to reach out to our Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.  You are not alone here, and we hope that you keep us updated on how you're going.

Hi Anne,

My wife was a teacher. Her sister is a teacher. Both high school. My mother (retired) was a teacher. (Lots!)

Not having been throught it myself I know that teachers do a LOT. And it must seem like you are constantly playing catch up. I think you have the tools and strategies also. I find it is easy to get consumed by negative thoughts that prevent us from doing what needs to be done or smothers positive thoughts.

One thing my psychologist suggested was to have a worry time. There are apps, but I find that putting it onto a list was more effective as I could throw it away afterwards. So I write it on a separate sheet of paper. If I get distracted again put it onto the paper. And one time in the day I can give myself to that list. The other thing to note what we can or cannot do or control as in that prayer (name I cannot remember but also used in AA)

That may or may not work for you.You are a good person, teacher, mother, wife, etc.

Hi Anne,

We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling overwhelmed. We understand that this feeling must be difficult, especially if you struggle to open up to others and reach out.

We would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

f you would like some help finding additional mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Hi Anne,

I’m so sorry to hear that. Is your psychologist of help to you?

i don’t know you but I know pain and want you to know that in my eyes (even though i can’t see you), you are a person who matters. I feel privileged to talk to you.

Why do you think that you are pathetic (your patheticness you speak of) my dear?

Oh okay. Sometimes things removed by moderation, sometimes the interface of these forums is glitchy and your writing will sometimes get erased before it posts..: it’s trying.m because I can write super long things at times ...

Keep chatting if u wanna talk 

There are a number of reasons why a post might not appear. I would suggest you write another post on how you are feeling and go from there. Your persistence and fight shows courage and I assume you are also doing things I would at one time take for granted - eating, sleeping, doing. All of these small things are positives. With that said I imagine this to be an extremely upsetting and frustrating time for you. I know that online meetings can be done and not ideal and may be one way of talking with family and friends when possible?

Tell me how you are going?

Thanks guys.

smallwolf I don’t really talk. I find it incredibly difficult. I mean, I talk a lot, just not about anything vulnerable. I freeze constantly when trying so hard to talk to my psychologist, who I trust, but still constantly fail.

im still very shaky. Perhaps as bad as I was last time I posted. I was scared of myself, still am now. I went and got some medication for depression anxiety - it has been a very bumpy ride trying to convince myself to take them, and still trying to deal with side effects. I feel worse, as well as very sick and sleepless.

I feel like I’m trying everything to help myself but seem to be getting worse somehow.

Hello.

I don't know what the side-effects are or how long you have been taking your medication, but it sounds like you might want to have a chat with your GP about how they make you feel? They can take some time for your body to get used to them.

the fact you are talking with your psychologist is a good thing. It can be difficult to show vulnerability. I have been in that position myself. And I would say you are struggling and not failing. Is it possible that when you did this before (that is, showing vulnerability) you were made to feel worse? It does not have to be the same situation you are talking about. For example, some many years ago said "nobody care what you have to say" to me and that can have a strong impact in other areas.

But one thing I did was also to write things down (on my phone) and would give my phone to my psychologist to read. The helped me in being vulnerable.

Or

What would make it easier to talk about?

Still today when I answer a question posed by my psychologist I look in the corner of the room so it is like I am the only one there. Find our own ways of dealing with these sorts of things.

You are an awesome person.

I’ve been taking them 2.5 weeks. First week I was very nauseous- vomiting and dry retching, headaches. Nausea has mostly gone, but headaches still here, add in jaw clenching and waking up drenched in sweat. I’m the past I’m sure I would have stopped taking them by now, but I’m desperate to find some kind of relief. I’m just so scared I’m out of options and ready to give up.

hello.

It take a few weeks (4-6) for medication to come into effect (for your body to get used to them) so it could be that - I am no expert. Still, i would keep noting down the feelings, sensations etc. and have a chat with your GP if you want reassurance. I had bad side effects from the first medication I was on and eventually went off them. But I always kept notes so that I would not forget.

Forever listening...

Tim

It’s not your fault Anne, it’s not like there is a “self” inside of us that is choosing not to be grateful, present etc. Rather, we are organisms that are made up of lots of biological processes that sometimes cause us to have a tendency to be more depressed and self critical, which is amplified by what goes on in our lives.

sorry to hear of everything. How are you going with your work, managing to hold your job together??

here for you.

FML I’m honestly so pathetic.
so over my self.

so done with these meds.

decided this morning I’m not taking them any more

theyre making me sick, headachey, night sweats, jaw clenching, unable to orgasm, and I feel worse in myself.
I don’t even drink and now I want to every day.

8 weeks wasted.

Thanks for the concern. But taking them has only been bad. No good.

my logic is to stop. Sick of it. Not benefit. What else is there?

sorry i missed your post in October.

Are you o new medication? if so, you might want to chat with your GP? The first lot of medication I was on was no good for me. I was eventually weaned onto a different one. The side effects you have mentioned would be distressing and frustrating.

I hope you are OK.

So this is where I’m at. Stopped taking my meds. Was so sick. So so sick. Didn’t care:

never liked drinking before. Now drinking so much.

hating myself more than ever

things are kinda messed up

Yeah it’s tough.

I hate myself so so much