My dear friend's (E) beautiful 15 yr old daughter (H) has started self-harming. H started becoming withdrawn about 6 months ago and E has managed to get her to see a psychologist once, but she refuses to go again. H is very angry with her mum, and E has asked me to try and talk to her. H and I are close, but I would hate to say the wrong thing. I would appreciate any advice.

Thanks, a very worried friend.

Hey Flash76,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums. We appreciate your strength in reaching out here for your friend E and their daughter. We can hear that you're a very caring and concerned friend.

We're certain our community will be able to offer some advice on how you might approach this conversation with H. However, you might also like to talk through this situation with a counsellor. The Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk with you and can offer support, advice and referrals. 

You might also like to recommend your friend Parentline. Talking to a Parentline counsellor can help to navigate difficult parenting dilemmas such as the one you've outlined. If you follow the link below it will take you to the contact numbers for Parentline in each State/Territory: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

There are also some great resources on the ReachOut website for communicating effectively with teenagers. see below:

• How to have a great conversation
• Supportive parenting and teenagers

Thanks again for reaching out Flash and please keep us updated on how things progress. 

Hi Flash76 and welcome to the forums.

Wow, what a challenging situation your friend and her daughter are in! Self-harming is a very difficult situation for those who are engaged in these behaviours and those caring for them. It can be very challenging to see someone in such distress, particularly when there is anger and blame involved.

H may find seeing a psychologist one on one to be quite confronting face to face. There are multiple options for other supports including Kids Helpline (1800 55 1800 or https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling), headspace and these beyond blue forums. I have found that children and adolescents find it easier to engage on a text based platform like the one suggested as there is a degree of safety and less vulnerability in doing so.

It's important too that E seek professional support. There are many carer support groups out there, including Mind Australia (https://www.mindaustralia.org.au/ or 1300 554 660). You need not feel, despite how close you are, that you must be responsible for ensuring E and H receive the appropriate support. The best thing that you can do as a friend is to be a guide to point them in the right direction.

I hope things improve for all of you.

J&B