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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / How did you rebuild yourself after attempting suicide?

Topic: How did you rebuild yourself after attempting suicide?

10 posts, 0 answered
  1. apeMAN
    apeMAN avatar
    3 posts
    5 February 2021

    I attempted suicide last year. It's been a difficult road to 'recovery'.

    If you've attempted then you know what it's like to hit rock bottom and if you are still here then I'd like to know what's helped you to rebuild yourself.

    Physically i exercise

    Mentally i employ CBT psychology and see a counselor

    Spiritually I practice gratefulness daily.

    But I was gone mentally when I attempted. All societal constraints, which typically stop people from attempting, have been eroded away over 16years.

    I'm trying to be here for my son, family etc but it's a real struggle

    5 people found this helpful
  2. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6853 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN
    Dear apeMAN,

    Thank you for your candor and welcome to our wonderful online forums community. Here users give and receive support based to one another on their own experiences with mental health, some of which will be quite similar to yours.

    We think you are so brave to have reached out like this today. We know it isn't easy but it is so important that you have. While the peer support offered here is often quick, it's important to remember it is not immediate.

    For immediate support please call our Support Service any time day or night on 1300 22 4636 or our firends at Lifeline on 13 11 14. While it sounds like you are well on your path to recovery, which itself gives hope to so many who will read your words, if ever you feel like your at immediate risk of harming yourself, then it's an emergency and you should call 000 straightaway.

    Once again, we issue a warm welcome to our community. Please keep checking in and letting us know how you're getting on whenever you feel up to it.
  3. Woodsy23
    Woodsy23 avatar
    2 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN
    Can really relate to your state of mind . I’m 12 months on from my attempt. I was on a real high and then have again hit a low period. It’s hard to get out the front door atm
    2 people found this helpful
  4. Aaronsis
    Champion Alumni
    • Community champion volunteers who are not currently active on the forums.
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    Aaronsis avatar
    2463 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN

    Hello apeMan

    I wanted to welcome you and thank you for sharing your experience with an attempt, I am sure that was very hard to post and very emotional as well, but I hope in some small way it was helpful to you also. Sharing here is such a powerful part of recovery I have found.

    I have not made an attempt on my life, but I am the survivor of suicide in that I lost my brother in July of 2019, he was 19 years old. He is the very reason I am here today on the Beyond Blue forum and apart of this supportive and caring community. I hope that you too can receive the love and support from others as you rebuild your way back from this.

    I wanted to share with you a link, that is on the Beyond Blue page, it is to a service called the "Way back support service", it has a booklet and some information that might be some help to you:

    https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/after-a-suicide-attempt/the-way-back-support-service

    There will be others too that join in your conversation to chat about what they are doing to try to connect back to life after such a traumatic and horrific emotional journey, I have no idea how that must feel but I am so proud of you for choosing you each day, even as you say "I'm trying to be there for my son"..one reason is sometimes all it can take to turn things around.

    I would like to chat to you some more and find out how you are going and what things you are doing each day, however small to feel something, exercise as you mentioned is wonderful along with the support from your mental health team too, I am so proud of you for seeking this support.

    I too am a huge believer in practicing being grateful as we really do have so much to be thankful for and it is hard to see that sometimes, even harder to feel, but with being mindful of these things it does help I have found.

    During my time of grief I have found joy in painting and in writing, I wrote the most honest and raw journal and I would never show anyone, but it was not for anyone else, just for me to purge some of the feelings I was having, it really did help.

    Welcome again apeMAN, I am so proud of you for sharing here, for letting us know about your daily struggles and I hope that you can get the hand that you need here to help you put of this time.

    Hope to chat to you some more

    Hugs

    Sarah

    1 person found this helpful
  5. apeMAN
    apeMAN avatar
    3 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to Woodsy23
    I like the opening line you wrote; 'Can really relate to your state of mind.' That's it hey. Like it's just a moment. and in this moment I choose life. I choose to be here. and because I'm here I may as well make the most of it.

    You said you ‘hit a low period. It’s hard to get out the front door atm’.

    I am genuinely empathetic to hear that. I may not know your type of low (situation etc) but I do know ‘low’. And low really, really sucks. I don’t want this post to get deleted otherwise I would use much more expletive and descriptive words to describe ‘low’.................

    Life is brutal but it can also be kind. Life is harsh and unfair but it can also be wonderfully sublime and beautiful. It is complex, layered and nuanced.

    But man…… the lows suck. Like serious suckage......... and my lower self wants to give in. But my higher self wants me to keeps pushing. Tells me to be here for my son, be the best version of myself in ever moment. Because it matters. I don't know why or how. But it matters.

    You are not alone and your experience of life matters. We all share an individual experience of consciousness but also a collective one. Long is the arc of the universe and it points evermore towards positive progression.

    There will be answers one day for why we are made to experience what we experience but I don’t have them.

    What I do have is a hungry belly, so I’m going to go eat :))
    2 people found this helpful
  6. Missing user
    Missing user avatar
    5 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN

    Hey apeMAN, welcome. I'm glad you're still here, I'm proud of you. I'm sorry you've attempted suicide.

    It's good that you have some coping mechanisms, and a good professional.

    We're here for you, stay safe.

    1 person found this helpful
  7. apeMAN
    apeMAN avatar
    3 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to Aaronsis
    Thank you sarah. I can't reply to your message at the present time with the full depth it deserves. I read it carefully and it meant a lot. thank you
    1 person found this helpful
  8. monkey_magic
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    monkey_magic avatar
    5208 posts
    5 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN
    Hi apeMAN,

    Your title says how did you rebuild yourself after attempting suicide and I want to answer.

    I'm 38, fem btw. It was the heartfelt love of a mother's words that kept me from going back there. When someone pours love into you and will be effected for the rest of their life, for me it took the focus from myself onto her feelings.

    She was my strong anchor.

    I also rebuilt by making new friends, swimming at the pools, buying clothes, continuing with casual employment, writing poetry, reading, finding something in life worth fighting for, buying a better vehicle and just recently rejoining the gym.
    Focusing on what I wanted and needed really helped.

    My life was dark and low after my attempt for a while but I'm glad to say things have improved.

    I've taken positive action. Reached out to ppl. Found support.
    1 person found this helpful
  9. therising
    Valued Contributor
    • A special award for members who go above and beyond to support others here on the forums
    therising avatar
    2838 posts
    6 February 2021 in reply to apeMAN

    Hi apeMAN

    You pose a powerful question.

    While my attempt was some years ago, I can still recall the moment where I thought 'I never knew how much I actually wanted to live, 'til now'. I phoned a friend who took me to hospital. I remember coming out of hospital, back at my friend's place thinking 'I have no idea where to go from here'. What do you do after such a life altering event? First, I chose my 'anchor'. I believe we have to find our anchor, someone who anchors us to life so that we don't try to leave it again. I chose my nephew, who adored me. I chose to commit myself to finding my way out of depression, for him. I wanted to find the best in myself, for him. My anchors have changed over the years. I'm now Mum to an 18yo gal and 15yo guy who continue to do a brilliant job of raising me. They're often challenging me to change my ways. A lot of our ways are conditioned into us. There's nothing quite like the next generation to question insane or outdated ways. I allow my kids to be mind altering teachers in my life.

    My path...depression from about 20 to 35, with my attempt at around 25 or so. From 25 to 35 a long and somewhat painful depressing quest for freedom from depression, with a stack of trial and error strategies (including alcoholism), as I was feeling my way through. I'm now 50. At 35, about 8 weeks after having my son, I finally came out of depression within post natal depression group therapy (very unexpected). So, it wasn't the long list of meds I tried that worked for me, it wasn't the counselor or psychiatrist or all the 'helpful' advice I got from people around me, it was a group of people who could relate, who led me to feel 'normal' for the first time in years. As we all added to the list of the common traits we shared, on a whiteboard, it hit me. This (persona) is depression, this is not me. If this is not me (the anger, lethargy, deep sadness, hopelessness etc), then WHO AM I? I had no idea. The quest to find out remains a life long one, with many questions and some truly amazing revelations.

    Personally, on my quest, I have found sensitivity to be a key in managing life. Trusting and managing feelings is a challenge. I feel inspiration and degradation. I feel when someone's raising me or not. If I feel a deep need to wonder or question, I will question. I will also feel when a life altering challenge is in play. Some of the challenges can feel depressing, 'til finally mastered.

    If you feel your higher self inspiring you, trust.

    :)

    1 person found this helpful
  10. white knight
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    white knight avatar
    9783 posts
    6 February 2021 in reply to therising
    Hi apeMAN, welcome

    So many good replies here.

    It was 1996 and it was a terrible day. Without going into detail my last thought was my young children and family.

    Fast track 23 years and I was walking my daughter down the aisle of her wedding. Before we entered the church I told her how proud I was if her. She turned and said "in really happy you survived to be here." Who would have taken my place?

    Apart from loved ones as a reason to remain in this world there is purpose found in teachings / spiritual means. This is not religion.

    My guru is a man called Prem Rawat Maharaji. He has many YouTube videos. Google

    YouTube maharaji the perfect instrument

    YouTube maharaji sunset

    YouTube maharaji acceptance.

    And many more.

    Finally- writing. Putting thoughts on paper us therapeutic. I write poetry.

    TonyWK

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