I am so proud of you for reaching out and I firstly want to say that YOU ARE NOT WASTING ANYONE"S TIME...ever....the journey to mental wellness is just that, a journey, if there was a quick fix, a magic wand or a special potion we would have no need for the support services we do...BUT..that is why they are there, to be used once, twice, one hundred times..you keep reaching out until you feel like you are making progress.
I burden something that has to be carried, heavy weight that one has to bear, you are not that, you are a person who is going through a tough time. I hear you when you say that you are being selfish, that you are wasting people's time. The simple answer to that is they are just thoughts, they are not reality and you can acknowledge them and tell them to leave. Is that the truth? is that true? people have said that you make them feel this way and that they no longer wish to help you...I think the answer is no. I would also suspect that should a friend or family member reach out to you, once or one hundred times you would respond with love and kindness, please take that for yourself now.
Is there an end in sight, yes, these days will get better but it is a process and a journey and you are on your way. It is very hard being regional as the supports are somewhat limited but we are here, any time you want a chat or someone to sit with or just to vent, we are here to listen and to give you some comfort.
ECT i have no experience with but can only imagine the impact that it is having on you also. I think you are so brave to be doing all this for yourself and I want to commend you on that.
I hope to chat to you some more, we are here for you.