I'd like to join Sophie_M in welcoming you here to the Forum. It is a good place to come to as you will be taken seriously and people here do understand.
Actually I'm glad you have already met Sophie as she gives pretty good advice -particularly the Kids Help Line who are very experienced and sensible, plus not alarmist. They can be a comfort as can the other places Sophie mentioned.
It is very disheartening to go for so long without getting the right treatment and even more to go to so many professionals and have them miss the point. It is a pity you don't have parents that really understand what it's like inside you.
I guess we have something in common, I too downplayed the seriousness of how suicidal I was, even attempted to take my life, but managed to hide those occasions from everyone (my circumstances were a bit different to yours).
Looking back I think this was definitely a mistake, though at the time I did not feel I could tell anyone. So things got worse.
Eventually I did talk about it, and it was only at that stage that I was properly diagnosed and started to improve. It took time, and I guess I was lucky in the particular GP and psych I had at the time were pretty good at their jobs. Plus then they had the actual facts to treat, not a watered down version.
Now I'm streets better, I lead a pretty good and enjoyable life.
I think you are right, unless you do open up and talk about your suicidal thoughts things may stay much the same -at least for now, and with school coming up maybe it is a good time to act
I know you said you were bad at talking about this, which certainly reminds me of me. Can I make a suggestion?
I've found that taking a couple of days to write down exactly how I felt, not skipping out on the hard parts but actually putting in all the hard to say details, has been a great help both to me and the person treating me.
It means in a session I don't have to explain anything, but just answer questions after handing the paper over (plus it is too late to chicken out on the frightening or embarrassing bits :(
Answering questions was far easier for me than starting from scratch - it was surprising
The psych or doctor gets a list of things to treat (point form is good) and cannot ignore anything.
Do you think this is something you can do?
Just in passing I'll mention that while it is not for everyone I found hospital helped.
I'd be really pleased if you came back and we talked some more.