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Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / How to talk about thoughts of self-harm and maybe death

Topic: How to talk about thoughts of self-harm and maybe death

  1. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    11 March 2022

    Hey, first I am safe right now. I am not thinking of things right now, and whenever I have thought about it I haven't gotten close to doing things, I'm able to take a step back and stuff. I could be in a better spot but that's the idea.

    So, I have a GP appointment coming up and I know what things I need to say. Namely that I am thinking the things I am, and it's affecting my ability to look after myself, paticularly taking far too much effort to eat food. But the conversation scares me, I had to talk myself out of cancelling yesterday. Doesn't help that I'm so low energy and my GP isn't exactly local. She's a great GP though, I couldn't have imagined telling any of my prior GPs I was feeling this way, and I have seen more than a few gps in these 20ish years. So I shouldn't go to a new one just to not have to deal with a long commute. But yes, I have no idea how to talk to such a supportive GP about this. How do I say things, how am I framing them?

    Most google results are how to talk to someone you think is suicidal, not what to do as the suicidal person so I guess I was just hoping for some perspective. Ultimately, if I don't know what I'm doing I can go to my GP and say "hey I don't know how to say this but I'm struggling to eat or see a future". I'm framing this as a question but ig im just hoping someone's able to share their perspective and that might help with nerves.

    Also I tried to talk to a friend about this and, well I did everything I could without saying it to check they could have that conversation. But once they knew what it was about they weren't able to be there for me. And, I can accept that I'm just worried about them. I can imagine they don't feel great about having to say "sorry I can't do this" and.. yeah. If anyone has any thoughts on that too. If I can do anything for them.

  2. tranzcrybe
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    11 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp
    I'm hoping you realise that the GP won't be able to 'treat' you or necessarily have any answers in support. However you put it is fine, but you simply just need to request a referral to a psychologist and it should be done.
  3. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to tranzcrybe

    Yeah I am aware of the difference between a GP and a psychologist. I already have a mental care plan even.


    2 people found this helpful
  4. Sophie_M
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    6824 posts
    11 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hi CaramelCrisp

    Thanks for confirming your safety, this is really important to us. We acknowledge that it can take a lot of strength to manage thoughts around self-harm/suicide. We hope the community can support you in moving into a better headspace. It sounds like your GP is super supportive which is great and we think you shared some helpful insights here as to how you’re currently feeling.

    Community members have previously shared that they’ve printed out their forum post and brought it to their session with their GP to help get the conversation started. Maybe this would be an option for you?

     In the meantime, you may wish to access the following resources that can support you with preparing for a session with your health professional:

    I know I need support, but how do I ask for it?
    Questions to ask your health professional


    Your GP may also talk about creating a safety plan. To prepare for this, you may wish to have a look at the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app.

    We hope the above resources provide some different perspectives on how to start often what are challenging conversations. Keep checking in to let us know how you’re going.
     

    2 people found this helpful
  5. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    11 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello Dear CaramelCrisp,

    I can relate to how it is to talk to your GP about your thoughts and how that makes it hard for your own self care...I struggled when I was first referred to my GP about how to disclose my unhealthy thoughts....

    It really is hard...I am wondering if you would be comfortable with showing your GO..the post you have just written on here...you could if you had means to print out your post and hand it to her, explaining that you needed to reach out for help because you are unsure of how to open up to her....another way, would be to write her a letter on a piece of paper and hand it to her, saying this is how I’ve been feeling, but it’s too hard for me to voice them to you...

    Most GP have some experience in mental health and are very understanding about how hard it is to reach out for the help you need...and they do really want to help us....

    Not sure if I have helped you...Please try hard to care for yourself...My Dr once said to me..that unless I’m totally honest about my thoughts and how I’m feeling...that she cannot help me to the best of her abilities because she cannot read my mind....I do hope so much..that you can open up to your GP.

    Here if you want to talk ...

    My kindest thoughts and care Dear CaramelCrisp..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  6. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    11 March 2022

    Thank you both, I truly appreciate it. I think I might have some words written that are worth bringing, that's a good idea. Could show this post too like you say Grandy. Reminds me of this one time, I can't remember why but I ended up crying so much I couldn't talk, and then I did have people with me. Literally in the room with me in that case. And eventually I would write down what I wanted to say on my phone for them to see.Its a really nice memory actually.

    You have helped me Grandy. I'll try my best to be open with them, those words you share are quite true. As scary as it is to be that open, as scary as that is.

    Quite emotional reading through your words actually, and that "I know I need help page" which is resonating with me, but I'll come back to this later and hopefully start to figure out more stuff. Just let the tears and emotions exist for now. And I'll be sure to keep checking in with you,

    Thank you both again, CaramelCrisp

    1 person found this helpful
  7. geoff
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    12 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello CaramelCrisp, doctors do wonder why people they may know keep cancelling an appointment, they have been trained to cope in any situation and can read faces, especially when they have seen you before, that's an experience they have learnt over many years, and once you start talking to them and hesitate, then they gather numerous questions in their mind they want to ask you, until bingo they hit the jackpot without you needing to say much at all.

    Your reaction will clarify what they're after and remember they are always our backstop, someone we can always fall back to, and reaccess our situation.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  8. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    13 March 2022

    Thanks Geoff

    As long as I manage to keep this one I haven't actually cancelled any appointments, but it helps to be reminded they have experience in this kind of thing. Less a thing I'm doing on my own I suppose

    ---

    Feeling really lonely today. I guess I just want to write that out, I don't think there's anymore I can do in trying to see people and being understanding that they have their lives too. Just, while I'm writing here anyway. I wish plans worked out, and I miss all those people I used to see all the time and can't now. Wish I could feel more comfortable in potential new friendships, as oppose to entering an extremely confused panic just before we met up last week

  9. Petal22
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    13 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hi CaramelCrisp,

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way I understand its difficult.

    I understand that when we have these types of thoughts they can really knock us around.

    I also experienced horrible intrusive thoughts when I was going through severe anxiety they really scared me.

    I found it hard at first to speak to the health professionals about the type of thoughts I was having, but once I could disclose to them the type of thoughts I was having they were able to help me.

    I've now recovered from what I was going through and the thoughts have lifted.

    When I was in the heights of my condition I couldn't eat properly and do the day to day things I could usually do..... at the time i had too much going on inside my mind to think about doing daily tasks.

    I know its scary thinking about the conversation you are going to have but once you have this conversation the professsionals will be able to help you.

    Your GP sounds great just be open with your GP so your GP can help you.

    1 person found this helpful
  10. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    13 March 2022 in reply to Petal22

    Thanks for the supportive words, Petal. I'm glad you were eventually able to speak to health professionals who helped you be where you are now

    Your mention of not eating properly and day-to-day being off resonates where I am right now. Its so much, and I'm tired. But yeah, once I have this conversation professionals can help me

    Thanks again

    1 person found this helpful
  11. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    14 March 2022

    I've spent most of the day crying. Some of it sleeping. I'm safe, but I'm scared and I really just want to reach out to the people I could always talk to except I don't know what to say anymore. I dont think theyre there in that way anymore, but Feeling like I could talk to people really made a lot of difference getting through a lot of horrible shit.

    I think about how recently they said they were worried about me, and asked me to look after myself. And I wasn't really doing this bad at the time. But oh it hurts to think about that now. Even wonder if maybe they just saw it before I did.

    1 person found this helpful
  12. Ggrand
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    14 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello Dear CaramelCrisp,

    I really am so sorry that you’ve been crying today...I wish that I could be sitting with you...

    I know it’s not the same as speaking to people in real life, but please don’t hesitate to ring our lovely trained councillors on 1300 22 4636...They really do listen and will help talk you through what’s happening to you....I have rung them and they helped me...

    How long lovely CaramelCrisp until you have your GP appointment?....remember as well that we are here to chat with you and support you the very best we can....

    Sometimes, when we are hurting our minds really do make things more difficult then they really are...Your friends sounds like they do care about you..as they said to you they are worried about you and for you to look after yourself....Im sure they do care for you....have you tried ringing/contacting them at all....

    Have you tried at night, when you go to bed to listen to “Dan Jones..sleep stories”..you can search them on you tube...Listening to them while you fall asleep to help settle your unhealthy thoughts before sleep....They work for me most times...just a gentle suggestion lovely CaramelCrisp...I do hope that you might try..no pressure at all though..

    My kindest thoughts with my care CaramelCrisp..

    Grandy..

    2 people found this helpful
  13. geoff
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    15 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello CaramelCrisp, there is a good chance these people knew what you have been struggling with as they themselves could have and even if it's in another way, the end result can be the same.

    Write down your thoughts so you can just hand this document over to the doctor, this helps you when they ask you 'how can I help you', it's possible you could freeze, but if it's written in point form, rather than a letter, they will be able to see the points you're making, quicker and in a concise way.

    They will be able to ask you a few questions and depending on your reaction will indicate how you are feeling.

    Good luck.

    Geoff.

    2 people found this helpful
  14. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    15 March 2022

    Hello to you both again

    Appreciate the kind words Grandy,

    Sometime last night I did webchat with a Beyond Blue councillor and that did help, one of the things I talked to them about was friendships, I didn't realise I had fallen back into thinking of myself as a burden to them, and thats a big reason I was so sad. So with that, afterwards I got in contact with a few friends. Might be doing something with one of them Thursday, and at least hearing from another friend made me feel better even if we dont have any plans. We will eventually Im sure and, just hearing from them makes this a better day than yesterday. Its been a lonely month or so. Our minds do make things harder sometimes and I think thats really what yesterday was. Some of that loneliness is not from a lack of people there for me. Just struggling with some of the changes, seeing people less. Worry about losing people again. But there are still people there for me. And yeah the people who have expressed concerns about me have definitely been through their own hardships. I've been there for some of them, and they've talked to me about others. They mean so much to me.

    I've never heard of Sleep Stories, I'll look into that. The Beyond Blue Counsellor also sent me a mindfullness resource that I have only started to look at but I hope will help. I appreciate the recommendation Grandy and am glad it works for you.

    Just under a week to my GP appointment Grandy, and I already started making bullet points for myself Geoff so its good to hear of another way that might come in handy.

    Hope I didn't miss anything in my reply, thank you both again :) kind thoughts to you both

    2 people found this helpful
  15. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    17 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Ended up leaving university halfway yesterday. The lecturer was very understanding at least and hopefully will not affect things too much, but it makes me sad that it is such a struggle to engage with any of the things I can still enjoy. Makes me worry I need to withdraw from classes this semester.

    My emotions always get funny going out right now, maybe it is the memories of leaving the house for something more (friends and such). But usually these past few weeks I can give myself time to cry, accept feelings and continue on my day. I do not know if my mental health is affecting my physical health or if it is unrelated, but I brought up a bit of my breakfast that morning and had to leave a few hours early. Lecturer is kind and understanding at least, and I have an access plan. At least I already have a doctors appointment only days away now, if things get more serious I know to get more immediate help. I felt very faint this morning but have been able to stay in bed and rest. Did have to reschedule some plans because of it though

    I don't think I have been thinking of harming myself as much the past few days at least. Even if its temporary I am glad for that.
  16. Sophie_M
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    17 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp
    Dear CaramelCrisp

    Thank you for finding the energy to share this with us all! We are all proud of you for the bravery and commitment you are showing here. It is really hard, but you are sticking with your care plans and that is wonderful!

    We are very releaved to here, also, that you have a very supportive lecturer. Sometimes, that just makes so much difference! As to the physical - just a quick reminder that, yes, sometimes anxiety especially (but also depression) can have very real physical impacts, especially with fatigue and the stomach, but we are grateful that you are reaching out with your GP!

    And, as you said so beautifully, more immediate help is here, if you need us, or at lifeline on 13 11 14.

    Be proud of yourself!

    Regards,

    Sophie M. 
    1 person found this helpful
  17. Ggrand
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    17 March 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello Dear CaramelCrisp,

    Awe, you were so brave contacting your friends the way you felt...goes to show that you really are stronger and braver then your anxiety mind tells you..I am so proud of you for doing that..,

    It’s okay cry, I believe that crying in the only way our soul heals itself...I mean a broken bone needs plaster to heal... mental illness I think doesn’t just effect our mind but also hurts our soul...tears help to release our hurt to start making us feel better...just my thoughts..

    I too am also pleased that your lecturer is very supportive...

    Im sorry you felt faint this morning and had to stay in bed..I do hope you’re feeling better tonight....not long now until you have your Drs appointment..you are holding out very well...You warmed my heart so much when I read that you haven’t been thinking about harming yourself ...You are a very valued member of our community and I for one do like you a lot...and would be so sad if you harmed yourself...

    The sleep stories really are very calming...Dan Jones (the reader) has a very gentle and calm voice...(he is a hypnotist) when he reads his stories, his stories as well are written to give us a relaxed and calming feeling before we drift off to sleep....

    Keep talking her when you feel up to it...to keep us updated on how your feeling....we are here for you dearest CaramelCrisp...

    My kindest thoughts with my care...(a gentle hug 🤗 if that’s okay)..

    Grandy..

  18. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    20 March 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    Hello again

    Thank you both again for your responses, the last few days have been rough but better. Still feeling naueseous and occassionaly feint which is why its taken a few days to respond, although i read your messages at the time and they made my days a bit nicer :) Thinking more emotions might be the cause because last night I noticed something (i cant remember what) upset me and then I felt everything go funny. I do also feel this way when my emotions are calmer however.

    Although unless my memory fails me I've not really had thoughts of harm since Tuesday. Sometimes my memory fails me with difficult stuff, thats a whole other thing I have already been trying to talk to doctors about because its caused me to make some poor judgments in the past year. Still going to mention I had those feelings to my gp, and well I still feel depressed, but its something.

    I appreciate you both seeing strength in me, thats nice to hear. And yeah, absolutely means a lot to have my lecturer's support too.

    I agree Grandy, I find crying to be an emotionally healing experience generally. Feel much better after it. Usually anyway, crying all day is a bit different.

    I havent had the energy yet to check stuff out, but those sleep stories do sound nice. Might want some nicer headphones to lie in too.

    Thank you again, I really appreciate you and this friendly community

    1 person found this helpful
  19. CaramelCrisp
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    41 posts
    2 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Not quite sure what the feeling is, but I went from posting quite frequently here to not checking the site for about a fortnight. I finally had the gp appointment just after my last post. I think thats represented a shift in things, for... probably better overall but lots of new challenges and pain too.

    She agreed my feinting and nausea and pain were probably all mental health, as my blood pressure was fine, blood test just before I saw her was normal, and I spent 30 minutes in her office crying about how hard things are at home and now going through a breakup too. Could barely speak for half of it. I think I needed that though. I felt much safer being vulnerable in that office than I ever could at home, and with family talking behind my back last night theyve been quick to reiterate why thats the case. But despite that, and wishing I did have more opportunity to fully feel what im feeling, i think ive held back less feelings since the gp appointment.

    Continuing from my last post, I haven't been dealing with thoughts of self-harm in this time. Still eating mostly. Spend most of my time in bed either sleeping, crying or feeling too sick to get up though. Missed a few weeks of uni because of it which im sad about but, I need this time to get better

    Hung out with friends online whenever i have been up to that too. For numerous reasons I don't have as much opportunity to see people in person at present, and i dont think im ready to make new connections, I have tried to. But yeah, I appreciate the friends I can still see a lot.

    Yeah, just have to keep on keeping on, and look after myself

    1 person found this helpful
  20. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    12 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    see my psychologist in a couple of days. First time since so many things there's no way to cover it all in 30min and I'm a bit overwhelmed at what to even mention now.

    I try to have the conversation now to practice but I get stuck. I know I say I'm not doing well. But I've never talked to her about my abuser before. Family have come up a bit in the past but... well last time that conversation was cut short with a "you have plans to move out with friends" which was a good thing to focus on, it helped back in February when this started bringing me down again, and well those friends have left me behind, not just from that but friendship so... I get to tell her that this time.

    Did at least talk about friendship issues this time, get to tell her it wasn't just my insecurities

    Actually I do suppose writing this out has given me more of a framework for the conversation, or at least the start of tidying up everything in my head.

    But still, very daunting conversation. Probably get a longer session next time, I didn't think to change it

  21. CaramelCrisp
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    41 posts
    19 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    really struggling again. i was already spending a lot of time in my room because emotions and their ailments, but now I'm actually trapped in here for a week under covid isolation. Have run out of a few medications thanks to that.

    Lost another friend the day after my psychologist appointment. They've made a lot of other friends uncomfortable and right now at least all their apologies just lash out more. I wonder if this is how people have seen me? Part of me sees big differences. I'm respecting my former friends wishes and staying out of their lives, this person freely admits the only reason they're giving space rather than forcing their way in to apologise is because they are blocked. And again, their apologies include a lot of blaming other people.

    But I still wonder if that's what I look like to someone else. I certainly have gotten things wrong.

    I think writing this out is grounding me a bit. Pressure's really getting to me today and nothing else has worked so far. I can feel this wall between me and my feelings, between me and myself. Writing this, I'm feeling some of it

    Think I'm ready to cuddle my penguin and cry now. So im going to stop here and do that

    I miss her so much

  22. Ggrand
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    19 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello Dear CaramelCrisp,

    I’m sorry your doing very well...and you have been stuck in your room....running out of medication is not ideal...It has happened to me before...with me living in an isolated area from major shops I couldn’t get the delivered...Maybe if your chemist does delivers they will do so for you...

    Awe I have a unicorn that soaks up my tears when I find myself in emotional tears...I like that you also have something that helps comfort you....

    It’s sad when we loose friends...then again I think..are they true friends...because true friends don’t leave us when things get hard for us...they help us....they should be their for us through the good times as well as the hard times...

    How did your appointment go with your psychologist?..I do hope it went well...It’s okay to only say what you feel safe telling her...I think in time if a connection is made between you and your psychologist..you might start trusting her enough to open up more....Your in control of what you want or don’t want to talk about...It’s you dear CC that you need to care for...yes even when talking out how your thinking or feeling with your psychologist.....be always very gentle with yourself....

    I am sorry I haven’t been around for your last few posts...I have been having trouble finding some quiet time to pop into the forums....and have some chats...tomorrow I should be back home and back to my usual routine the next day....

    I am so pleased that you find posting here to be somewhat grounding....getting our thoughts out, whether by talking to someone face to face or writing them out here on these forums is something I do as well...many times over....🙂..it really does help...

    Talk here lovely CaramelCrisp, anytime you feel up to it...Here when I can be for you..

    My kindest thoughts, with my care and a gentle understanding warm hug....

    Grandy..

  23. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    19 April 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    its always nice to hear from you Grandy, thank you for the reply

    im glad you also have the unicorn. my penguin provides lots of support, especially these days.

    The psychologist appointment was very helpful. felt very safe talking with her, and i found myself crying a lot as i did with my gp, although able to talk more than I did then. I think as much as I know I should, its hard to feel safe to cry in general. And well, ive lost people who made me feel safe. But I really trust my gp, and I was worried my psychologist wouldn't hear me but they did and I felt super safe with them and I'm glad for that.

    Ive been seeing them for quite a while now and they talked to me about who they know me to be. Im not sure how to explain what she said, but it helped a lot to hear. As I try to make sense of what happened, the easiest answer is to blame myself. The psychologist touched on those feelings without me even saying I had them and those words can help me. I can remember them.

    We both agreed to move to more frequent appointments, so will talk to them again soon. Which is good. Still hope to have a very difficult conversation about a different topic, whenever im finally ready to do that. You're right, I'm in control of what, and its important to do the best for myself. Thank you for reminding me of that tonight.

    Its okay that you've been busy. I hope things settling back to routine will be good for you. And I understand of course that everyone has their own thing going on and yeah. You're here when you can be and no one can expect more than that. If that makes sense.

    Thank you again, hugs


  24. Sophie_M
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    6824 posts
    20 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp
    Dear CaramelCrisp,
     
    We are sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time recently, but we’re glad to hear you feel comfortable and safe with you psychologist. It is important to have someone to talk to and we just wanted to remind you we are there if you need a chat.
     
    You have been doing so well despite all the obstacles thrown your way and we hope you can see that. But we understand that sometimes a cuddle with a penguin and a cry is just what we need.
     
    So, if you need us, we are always here for you. If you feel you need to talk please contact Beyond Blue either via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/get-immediate-support
     
    Warm regards
    Sophie M
    1 person found this helpful
  25. Chris_Tas
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    267 posts
    20 April 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    How to talk about it?

    Just be completely honest as it's exactly what others need to help you.

    Without you being honest noone can help or help you in the way you need.

    1 person found this helpful
  26. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    28 April 2022

    feeling anxious about study, as mentioned before I've missed classes. I have assignments due soon and I am not confident I can finish them. For one of them I'm missing information I could only get in class, teacher was going to help but cancelled the meeting. But the real problem is I just can't motivate myself. I have started the other assignment, I know what i'm doing. But I spend all day too flat to make the effort, and then last night I had trouble getting to sleep because I started freaking out about it. Did my best to calm down, get in a better mindset and sleep. But it doesn't feel great to have felt so strongly about it last night and be doing nothing again today.

    Its just so hard to have passion or energy right now. Its all just disappeared. Maybe losing your favourite people does that.

    Doesn't help that my parents are yelling all the time. They were yelling all morning, yelling right now. Yelled the last time I felt able to study until I stopped being able to do work. Sometimes theyre arguing but they also just yell casual conversation at each other. I think they're the major contributer to my more harmful thoughts. Wish I had anywhere else to be.

  27. CaramelCrisp
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    41 posts
    22 May 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hello, its been a minute, sort of. Been posting in the PTSD/Trauma thread as that's been more appropriate to what's been on my mind. But still, doesn't feel like a month since I posted. it doesnt feel like 5-6 months ago that my life fell apart. I don't know how to feel that I will have done so little in half a year. Will that change in the second half? I wonder, but at least try to keep an open mind. If I'm ready, I will. If not, then as long as I continue to look after myself and continue my healing then I shouldn't fault myself for that. It's just hard because, for about a year before things changed I really felt like I was happy, that I was living, that if x day was my last I would be okay with that, but that I wanted as many days as possible.

    I don't dream regularly, but for the past few days I've consistently had dreams echoing that time when I was happy. It hurts to wake up and have to remind myself that the stability and comfort and love I had found is gone. Trying harder to accept that those people harmed me and im not to blame for that as I dream of good times with them. And Ive spent all weekend holding back tears, practicing mindfulness, sleeping through the day, wishing I didn't have to wait another week to see my psychologist again.

    I made it to uni a fortnight ago, I think that was a triggering experience. Had a psych appt just after that and we talked through some new strategies, but I ended up too sick to make it to uni again last week (my family have been ill too so maybe that wasn't a symptom of my stress/trauma/etc). Other than voting i haven't been out since, and that was short and structured so i dont really feel ive tested those strategies yet. Just been recovering. Guess it's been about a month since i've dealt with harmful thoughts? Time is hard but I didn't post about them so i think it was a few days ago, before the weekend. Doing better now. Just, very sad as I said. Depressed? Not sure, but definitely sad. Will ask myself again later.

  28. CaramelCrisp
    CaramelCrisp avatar
    41 posts
    5 June 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Really wishing I could cry. I feel tears well up all the time, I can feel everything going on emotionally, but its all distant and behind a wall. Sometimes music helps, or a few days ago I watched the defunctland series on Jim Henson and once it got to his memorial, especially the "Just one Person" song, then I could cry. Which is something at least.

    I try and focus on my feelings, what I've learnt about accepting and understanding them. I spent so long keeping feelings out of reach because it was the only way I knew how to survive things. Guess I've still got a way to go.

    Think I got out of the house for the first time in a month a few days ago, still been missing uni but I had an appointment that I managed to make it to. Was as difficult as last time, made sure to journal what I could remember of my thoughts and feelings afterwards this time.

  29. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6824 posts
    5 June 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp
    Hi CaramelCrisp,

    Thank you for this beautiful post - it is remalrkable to read how profoundly you are striving to explore this. That said, we want to honour how hard it can be to take the journey of learning to honour and trust emotions. 

    Sometimes, those tears really don't come; sometimes nothing makes sense in our emotional need space. In those moments it is so very important for your community (and us!) to remind you how proud we are of for doing so many of the right things! We do genuinely see all your effort CaramelCrisp!

    As always, reach out to us anytime if you need to - but we genuinely believe you've got this! You can make this difference, you can be that "Just One Person", and the tears you need will come when its the right time. Remember that learning to accept emotion is sometime accepting they don't need to make sense or be obvious, as long as you are kind to you!

    Regards,

    Sophie M.
  30. Petal22
    Community Champion
    • Outstanding members who have volunteered their time to support others here on the forums
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    Petal22 avatar
    2129 posts
    5 June 2022 in reply to CaramelCrisp

    Hi CaramelCrisp,

    Thank you for your post 😊

    It will come CaramelCrisp it will come, once you cry it will flood out and it won’t stop……. It will be your healing starting to take place…… just let it out….

    Well done for getting out of the house that’s a huge step ….. everything will come together for you just take it a day at a time.

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