I’ve been doing alright lately, struggling a little cause my friend’s been down. Recently I started self-harming again but it’s worse than before. Not even because I necessarily need a vent. I don’t know if I’m going insane or I’m just so deep in everything that I don’t even realise it. My friends are telling me to stop but I genuinely take pleasure in it. This feeling scares me, cause I’ve been called psychotic before and I don’t want them to be right.

Hey Zeon,

Sorry to hear that you are struggling right now and that you have begun to self-harm again.  I understand that it may be hard to stop as you are seeking pleasure in it and it is soothing you.  I recognise that you feeling scared right now as you may not want others to be correct about you potentially having some psychotic episodes.  Please know that this is a safe and non-judgemental space for you to talk about these thoughts and feelings.  

We are also reaching out to you via email with some additional support.  Please know that our friendly counsellors are always available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  They will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.  You can also reach out to Kids Helpline on 1800 551 800 or via webchat at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ and are available 24/7.  

We hope that you can find some comfort in the kindness and support from our community. You are not alone and we are all here for you.

Hey Zeon, welcome.

i'm really sorry to hear what you're dealing with and that you've been self harming again. Are you safe right now, are you able to reach out to a helpline? We care here and it's a safe friendly place, but it's not immediate support. If you're in danger, please call 000.

You're not alone. Please know that you're loved, cared for, you're worth it, etc. and you shouldn't be dealing with this.

Are you able to try and distract yourself somehow? Or try alternative SH methods, such as holding Ice against your skin, drawing on yourself where you want to harm, etc?

Please stay safe, and reach out to a helpline and/or 000 if it's an emergency.

Hi Zeon

It can definitely be hard to stop doing something we take pleasure in, especially when the habit is literally sensational (we experience it through multiple senses). When this habit also tends to release endorphins, it can certainly become addictive. Of course, the question becomes 'Is it a constructive habit or a destructive one?'

I'm wondering if you've considered what you could trade this habit for. If endorphins are released through pain, there can be other constructive ways to manage through pain. I know, sounds a bit weird. That old saying 'No pain, no gain' when it comes to exercise can have multiple meanings for some. Someone who loves to work out may testify to the fact that part of what they love in the work out is that feeling of pain that they reach. They actually look forward to it. They'll push them self to reach it. The constructive aspect comes with managing not to put their body into a state of stress or dis-ease. Of course, some who exercise in this way can take it too far. They can become addicted to this pain to the point where it becomes a destructive form of exercise, doing more harm than good.

In both cases, of self harm and exercise, it can be about the feeling. Do you think you could consider achieving a particular feeling but in a different way? Not necessarily pushing the exercise aspect but what comes to mind happens to be the words 'Work out'. For some people, it's not just about achieving a particular feeling, it's also about working out the stress that can build up in the mind and body throughout the day. If you're an empathetic person, I imagine your friend's upset might be really getting to you. It's important you manage ways to work out that emotion that you've come to feel for them so that it doesn't remain and build up in you.

Can you think of any other ways to achieve a high while working out the stress that can bring you down? I suppose it becomes about rising to a new challenge in order to eliminate old ways. I know, easier said than done.

During my earlier years in life, I wish I'd had someone who could have helped me make sense of my self harming and depression. I think with no set guidelines when it comes to how to 'do life' we can be left winging it in questionable ways. It's taken me many years to come to realise that I'm kind of feeling my way through life. Feelings/sensations/emotions play a major part in the navigating. The conscious management of feeling/s is certainly a challenge.

:)