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Topic: I need help

  1. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    10034 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to Loula

    Hello Dear Loula,

    That little bit of light you can see/feel in amongst those black clouds is what I call hope...

    I am so very pleased that you can see it..and hopefully with the new old school meds, your psychologist, your mental health team and with some support here on BB, we can grab hold of that light and continually try to move it closer and closer to you...

    One step at a time, one day at a time....you are a very brave and amazing person...I can hear it in your words..

    Here for you when I can be, to try to help support you anyway I can...

    Kind thoughts,

    Grandy..

  2. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    14741 posts
    15 February 2022 in reply to Loula

    I have just seen through your thread.

    I have had bipolar foe over 45 years.
    i am glad you have reached out here and to your psychologist.
    There is a thread called this bipolar life that you may have seen before.

    I am glad you can now see the hole and light in the black cloud .

    You are working hard to cope .
    Thanks for letting us hear your story.

    We are listening and you are not alone.

  3. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    18 February 2022 in reply to Sophie_M

    Ok I’m starting to freak out!!!!!!

    saw my doctor today and they are making some changes to improve my medication!!

    so whoop whoop again I see my psychiatrist again and most likely will be changing my medication and we all know how much fun that is.

    self harming is getting worse. Im on higher relaxents and I’m finding it not to work.

    Suicide thoughts are the same. They are in my brain but they are not screaming.

    Im feeling worthless

  4. Sophie_M
    Community Moderator
    • Works for beyondblue moderating these forums
    Sophie_M avatar
    6846 posts
    18 February 2022 in reply to Loula
    Hey Loula,

    We're so sorry you're feeling freaked out. It sounds like it's been a tricky day with changes to your medication planned. We can hear you're struggling with self-harm and thoughts of suicide, and we're glad you could share what's on your mind with us. You're not worthless, we're sorry you've been feeling that way. We're with you, and hope you realise it's really brave to have reached out about this. 

    We are reaching out to you privately to offer our support. If you'd prefer to contact us directly we're on 1300 22 4636, or you can reach us on webchat here

    It’s really important that you are kind to yourself, and keep yourself safe. Please remember that if you feel unsafe the number to call is 000. It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here. You can even call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone

    Our community is here for you, we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon. In the meantime, maybe you'd like to share if there's anything that's been helpful over the last few days?

    Kind regards,

    Sophie M
  5. Ggrand
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    10034 posts
    18 February 2022 in reply to Loula

    Hello Dear Loula,

    Well done reaching out to your Dr....Making changes to your meds can make us feel some anxiety about doing so....I really hope the changes do help you....

    Im sorry you’re feeling worthless...definitely you are not...Depression tries to make us feel that way...

    Awe lovely Loula, Please try hard to not give in to those s/h thoughts....They are only thoughts and we don’t have to act in our thoughts...when your mind starts thinking unhealthy thoughts, maybe you could try to think of something that you like doing or start playing a song you know the words to and sing a long with it....Someone once told me that as complex as our brain is..,it can only think one thought at a time, so maybe by distracting them onto something else may help you...

    We are here for you...with our support and our care...

    Please if you need to...give a try at using those contacts Sophie has given you...They really are good and helpful...

    My kind thoughts lovely Loula....with a caring hug 🤗.

    Grandy..

  6. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    14741 posts
    18 February 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    Loula

    I am sorry you are freaking out, it must be so scary.

    when your doctor has changed your medication how did you cope.Grand has suggested some helpful ideas.

    I admire how you keep keep reaching out and are so honest and open.
    we are here with you on this uncomfortable journey .

  7. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    21 February 2022 in reply to quirkywords

    Sorry people for the lack of reply’s.

    im feeling worse by the day. It feels like I have distrutive tenderiser.

    i can’t stop harming my self. To the point now I have permanently scared my arms.

    My doctor is worried about me and wants me to go see my psychiatrist who is on holidays till next week.

    but because he is on holidays I’ve have an amitment for the hospital but I don’t one to go.

    he’s encouraging to write my feeling on beyond blue

  8. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    14741 posts
    21 February 2022 in reply to Loula

    Loula

    thanks for the update.

    I am so sorry you are struggling. Grandy had helpful suggestions .
    As well as posting here Sophie has given you suggestions of helplines to call and resources to download.

    Maybe you can discuss with your doctor how going to the hospital may help you.
    Are you worried about going to the hospital ?
    It is good you can communicate with your doctor.

    what has worked for you before when you have felt like this.

    we are listening and thinking of you.

  9. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    25 February 2022 in reply to Loula
    I’ve been eating like 2 birds eyes chillies a day. I can’t stop harming myself. All my doctors are away for the weekend. All I have is an admission form to go into hospital so I don’t have to wait in the weighting room. I’m really starting to hate myself
  10. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    quirkywords avatar
    14741 posts
    25 February 2022 in reply to Loula
    Loula do you have a support person who could take you to the hospital .
  11. Positive_vibes89
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    137 posts
    25 February 2022 in reply to Loula
    LOULA, please call a ambulance or 000 for somone to come help you.. The hospital will have some mental health specialists that can help you during your crisis. Im sorry you are having such a terrible time right now. "Please don't take your life today. "The world is so much better with you in it. More than you realise, stay."
  12. Ggrand
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    Ggrand avatar
    10034 posts
    26 February 2022 in reply to Loula

    Dear Loula,

    Please lovely Loula, if you have an admittance form to go to hospital....could you try really hard to admit yourself...I’ve been in hospital for my mental health a few times,Vanderbilt the professional nurses, Doctors, psych’s really did care for me and helped me so much in so many ways.....They are their to help you...Please don’t be afraid to reach out to them....They really do understand about the struggles of mh...

    You so much deserve all the help that you can get...

    Please talk here and let us know how you are today...because we all do care very much for you...you are important to us...

    Sending you my care and a very warm comfy hug...

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  13. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    1 March 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    I have some how hold on. I have no clue how. I hav self distraction tendencies. I am in pain.

    I saw my psychiatrist and he adjusted my medication and said I should be feeling like me in a week or two.

    thank you for you kind help. You are so loved.

  14. quirkywords
    Community Champion
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    • Life membership is awarded by beyondblue for providing outstanding peer support to the online community over a period of 3+ years.
    • A member of beyondblue's blueVoices community
    quirkywords avatar
    14741 posts
    1 March 2022 in reply to Loula

    Loula wear listening to you and thinking of you. Gals you saw your pysch .

    I hope you will be feeling better soon. You are welcome to post here as often as you like.

  15. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    10034 posts
    1 March 2022 in reply to Loula

    Hello Dear Loula,

    Im so proud of you for keeping your psychiatrist appointment...Sometimes it might take an adjustment or two until the professionals get it right for you...

    Awe honey....You’re doing good..we can only try our best, and I know your doing that...

    Try hard to think of something that you like when those unhealthy thoughts reach you...They are just thoughts beautiful Loula, we don’t have to act on them...I know by your words that you are hurting...I wish I could zap myself through the screen and give you a warm comfy hug 🤗....You so much deserve a happy life...we all do...

    I would like to get to know you a little better..but only if you want to....

    I love scented candles and lay down and watch the little flame dancing around when I need some distraction from my thoughts...It’s kind of hypnotic and relaxes me...Do you have something that you can do, that you like..so when your thoughts are unhealthy ones, you can distract them...No pressure to answer....

    Loula...You are also so loved... and cared for, from me and the other lovely people supporting you..

    Take good care of yourself the best you can precious friend..

    Talk anytime you’re feeling the need to...orbif you just want a chat...we are here for you..

    Kind thoughts, with a warm caring hug..

    Grandy..

    1 person found this helpful
  16. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    13 April 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    Candles are beautiful. When I listen to Pink Floyd I light a ton of candles and just lay down and take in the greatnes.

    when I’m depressed I just hide. I wait for the storm to go.

    when I have anxiety I draw pin up tattoos.

    im feeling a lot better. I have periods of yucky days that are dark but I can handle them.

    im just ashamed on how low I can go

  17. That Other Guy
    That Other Guy avatar
    125 posts
    13 April 2022 in reply to Loula
    NEVER be ashamed of who you are. We all have things in our lives that are not the way we wish them to be, that's just normal . Self acceptance is really important. Accept that who you are is not perfect, but it's still pretty great :) Anyone who lights candles and listens to Pink Floyd is someone I'd love to know.
  18. Ggrand
    Community Champion
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    Ggrand avatar
    10034 posts
    14 April 2022 in reply to Loula

    Hello Dear Loula,

    I am so pleased to hear from you....and that you’re feeling a lot better.....

    Awe Dear Loula....please don’t ever be ashamed of how low you can get...it’s okay to be not okay at times...and those times are the times that we need to care for ourselves....and try hard to accept ourselves on those dark days....and remember that, things are constantly changing for us..for everyone and everything....as long as we keep trying to move forward...

    I like that you think candles are beautiful...the way the flames dance around...sometimes they seem to move with the beat of the music....Pink Floyd...have some great albums and songs...

    What other groups/singers do you like to listen to?...

    Hopefully the med adjustments are working for you...I know the feeling of wanting to hide, when depressed..I feel that as well...It’s okay to hide away for a while, until the storm has passed....Then getting up, brushing ourselves down and starting over again is where our strength starts building from....each time we get back up, we get that little bit stronger in our fight for a better life....

    We are all here for you if you feel like talking....

    My kindest thoughts, Dear Loula with my care and hugs...

    Grandy..

  19. Loula
    Loula avatar
    364 posts
    24 May 2022 in reply to Ggrand

    I was doing good and on a medication for my anxiety and wow it’s a miracle.

    but no I had to be in one of my new moods. Nothing at all bipolar. Self distrutive tendencies.

    Self harmed, hospital was interesting. Nothing beats getting numerous blood and heart tests.

    I just wanted the pain in me gone

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