When I've wanted to kill myself I've genuinely believed there was no way out. Of course I was wrong, though realizing that came after help arrived.
The things you list as making you an 'awful' person are just another way of saying you are a human being. OF COURSE you fib or put on a false face so you are not abandoned. There would be very few people that have not. When you have a great need any ploy might be necessary. In theory it might be fine never to lie, but this is the real world.
As for lashing out, when things get overwhelming instinct takes over, and often it is to lash out at the people closest to us. If you are up to it apologize afterwards. The pressure you are under is going to make you overwhelmed at times, no argument about that.
None of that, or even more if you have left bits out, stops me thinking those things I said about you in my last post, you are worth a lot!
I've been in those situations and acted just as you - please do not put unrealistic demands on yourself, it will only make you feel worse even though you are doing what is to be expected.
What will he do? I don't know, he may feel he is obliged to report your state. You will probably have an influence by what you say who he reports it to.
Although an attractive option because you like him please don't discount taking action yourself, at least that way you are in control. Headspace and Suicide Call Back Service are the two I'd chose, phone or email or chat.
If you are thinking of writing a letter, you could always email it to one of them.
I would think the long term aim is to get you to have regular medical support away from the school environment and with your parents in a position where you did not feel threatened so that you want to kill yourself
Would you agree abut that?
As you have said your parents are part of the problem it may well be that they are informed but asked to keep their distance for a while. It really is too open ended a situation to guess, so I do not know.
One day, if you wanted to you might like to say what it is about your parents knowing that drives you to want to die, I'd listen with sympathy. You could tell me what has kept you going being wiht them and wanting to die.
If there was one thing you really liked, from TikToks to comics to anything at all, I'd like to know that too.