Hi, I’m Chucks, I’m nonbinary and use They/Them pronouns, and I’ve finally found myself creating a profile here after searching for a self-harm support forum. I’m escalating again and I’ve never found permanent, effective solutions. I’ve been knowingly self-harming since I was five years old. That’s thirty years now. I’ve never properly opened up about it, I’ve always been too ashamed, no one ever noticed it or called me on it until very recently but that person was a transient support only and not a permanent support person.
I have complex PTSD, anxiety disorder, drug resistant depression, suffer from panic attacks, moderate agoraphobia, and I am primary cater to a daughter dying of Spinal Muscular Atrophy, and a son with Autism. I’m not entirely sure anyone will want to talk to me or offer advice, but I’m willing to try. I’ve got little else to lose.
Thanks all.

Welcome to the forums Chucks.

It sounds like tricky place to be in, I'm sorry. The shame and stigma of self harm prevents us from seeking the support that will help.

Have you ever joined a dbt group, sometimes that may help with developing strategies for managing it. Or reaching out to a psychologist or GP.

There's also great helplines like Lifeline, The Suicide Call Back Service, and beyondblues line for times of crisis.

If you wanted to talk more about it we are also here to listen.

Dear Chucks,

Welcome to our forums and thank you for your post. Considering that you have never properly opened up about your self-harm, it was very brave of you to share this information with us. 

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment - your own mental health problem, having to care for others, and potentially grief. That all sounds very stressful and challenging. We're sorry that things are escalating for you. We hope that posting here and receiving support from our wonderful members brings you some comfort.

If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport 

If things become too distressing and overwhelming for you, please remember that here are always crisis support services available such as at Lifeline (13 11 14), Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), or emergency services (000 – Triple zero) if you find yourself to be in immediate danger.

Please do continue to post here as you see fit. You don't have to go through things alone. 

Hello Chucks,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for opening up and sharing your story. This is a really wonderful and supportive community filled with people who want to help each other. We're really glad to have you here and would love to chat and help however we can on your journey.

It sounds like you have a lot of challenges in your life, and complex ones at that. I can't imagine how difficult things are with all of these factors at play and the added responsibility of being a carer for your two beautiful children and their difficulties as well. My heart goes out to you completely.

One thing I will say though, is that you seem incredibly self-aware, you are able to articulate your circumstances quite clearly. This is great. May I ask, are you seeing a specialist/psychologist? I think having professional support and a safe space to work through complex diagnosis such as this is key to manage things easier long-term.

Another strength I see in you is your ability to reach out here, be vulnerable and seek help. This is a huge step and one you should be proud of.

Do you have a network of support in your life? A partner, friends or close family you can lean on and trust when you need it?

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Hello, and thank you for your reply. I have an online psychologist who I chat to weekly but I don’t really have a support system in the real world. I got tired of reaching out to people who didn’t ever make an effort to reciprocate. It was too painful.

Hi Chucks,

Thanks for sharing your stories. I can't imagine the hardship you are having but you are still going strong

This is a supportive community with ppl from all walks of life. You may find like-minded people here who would give you specific advice.

I totally understand your frustration that some couldn't even make an effort to reciprocate, it is sad to see that ppl today can be so nonchalant or I may say, apathetic 🙁 sometimes the professionals could look like these even though I totally understand that they are just maintaining their boundaries. It is painful.

I do hope you can stick with us in this place, where we have both regular folks and professionals who would contribute their precious time to share and give advice. Sometimes you can find something resonating and useful advice as I did.

I don't know the situation regarding your network support, you are always welcome to share. We are here to listen.

Sorry for the last paragraph, my bad English. In my personal opinion, network support is something that requires us to reflect, explore and have the initiative to build for ourselves. Sometimes sharing is one way to "retell" our own stories and "rethink" them.

I am in a similar state of "basically having on one by my side" but I'm working on it.

Hi Chucks,

That's really good to hear you've found an online counsellor you can talk with regularly - do you find this format helpful?

It can be really hard when we don't have a support system around us, and with so much on your plate I it hurts so much more when others let you down when you need them most. I'm sorry to hear you've had this experience. As On The Road said too, we always welcome you here in this community to lean on us, share what's happening in your world.

How have you been feeling this week?