Hello Louise, and a warm welcome to the site and appreciate your comment.
If you aren't feeling well in yourself, then it's difficult to go and hug your kids, unlike you were able to when this wasn't happening and they might be concerned as they can sense a mother's, true love, rather than pretending, although you do love them, but when you are like this, a happy face is put on, to pretend nothing is wrong.
Please remember this isn't your fault at all, but when people go hiding their illness, not only when they're with the family but also when they just want to be alone, what happens is they only push their concerns back into a hole which tends to multiply the more they're thinking making the situation worse.
Whatever you fear or are worried about there are people, like this site, plus many other places to contact where they too have experienced similar thoughts themselves and completely understand what you are concerned about and have been able to pull this through with the help and guidance of others.
There are no criticisms because we too have experienced awful periods in our own life, believing no one will listen, we were wrong, once we gained the confidence to align ourselves with somebody, then we could open up our secrets we were trying to hide.
We want to help you and support you in every way we can, so when you are able to, please get back to us.