We are so sorry to hear about your loss. How devastating.
We can tell from your post that you had a very good bond with Ashley, and it must be so difficult knowing that she has gone this way.
We're glad that you expressed your feelings on this forum, and we hope that the support that you receive helps you to feel better, even if only slightly.
You might want to consider getting in touch with Griefline
- 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. It might be helpful to talk through these feelings with a professional.
You might also want to consider engaging with your school counsellor if you don't see them already, and they might be able to support you through this difficult, grieving period.
You also mentioned struggling with your own thoughts of suicidal ideation. If this increases or becomes more severe or intense for you, please do not hesitate to contact helplines such as Kids Helpline or Lifeline.
Kids helpline (1800 55 1800) are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. You can find out more about their services here: https://kidshelpline.com.au/
Lifeline (13 11 14) offer crisis support services. You can find out more about their services here: https://www.lifeline.org.au/
We are here for you; please continue to post as you see fit.