Hi all,

I feel so numb and exhausted from everything I’ve done to myself. I can’t explain it. I remember some things but I don’t remember how I got there and that still scares me. I’m coming up to one year since my last suicide attempt and one month since my last self harm. I know people tell me that I’m unwell when I lose control but how can I make sure that I’ll never lose control again? I’ve stuck to most of the agreements I made with the treating team in hospital since my last attempt and when I think of suicide I tell myself that’s not an option, but I have self harmed since and don’t remember much of it and that scares me. Will there ever be a time when I don’t have to be on the lookout, monitoring my moods and having a safety plan? Will there ever be a time when I don’t need a carer, treating team, interventions? What will happen when my carer dies? That’s a true fear of mine as I’ve lost too many people too young. I just don’t remember what happens to me when I’m unwell.
How do people move on from this?

Dear Guest_2350,

We are sorry to hear that you are feeling so numb and exhausted right now. It sounds like things have been really difficult lately. As you have mentioned self harm and an attempt, do you mind us asking who you have in your life that supports you through this? Have you been able to speak to anyone close to you about your feelings or even someone like a GP? Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We also strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

Hi Guest 2350,

Im sorry you have been feeling this way I understand it would be difficult for you.

Have you been able to seek professional help from your gp or a phycologist?

It understand it would be very scary for you in times of not knowing how you got some where.

We are here as a community to listen to you and to support you…